By Geno McGahee
There are a lot of preachy religious holiday movies. Well, we go another one in the 2012 film “SAINT STREET” where we learn that ambition is wrong and being homeless is the way to enlightenment.
Percy (Mark Webb) is a big business guy that spends most of his time working hard and providing for his family. His family really objects to his work ethic and wants him home more often. He tries to do so, but he keeps getting tied up in work and shows up late for every family event. His wife keeps nagging him, but I don’t see her complaining about the nice house she lives in or all the great things she has. She keeps bitching at him every chance she gets. How the hell can he concentrate on work when she keeps nagging him all the time? It’s ridiculous.
Despite all this nagging, he turns away a hot chick at work that vows to never kiss and tell. He instead goes home, dead tired, and still plans to take the family to the Christmas Eve party. Unfortunately, he is far too tired and starts seeing some guy named “JC” (Jarrod Phillips) and you can probably figure out by his initials just who he is. This film is kicking the viewer right in the balls from jump with the message.
A car wreck kills Percy’s family and leaves him in a wheelchair bound, paralyzed from the waist down. He can kiss a relationship with that hot chick at work goodbye. She doesn’t want a limp dick in a wheelchair. That’s for sure.
At the graves, Percy speaks to his family, whining the entire time as JC stands in the background and watches on. If I’m sobbing like that, I don’t want some dude behind me. Who knows what they may try if you’re in a weakened state. JC could have dumped him out of that wheelchair and gone prison style on his ass. That’s the risk he ran. He felt so guilty, maybe he wanted that to happen.
We fast forward a year and now Percy is dirty and homeless and constantly whining about his life. I was hoping that somebody would roll him off a cliff, but it never happened. I hate those “woe is me” people. He just sits on the street corner, asking for money, and most of the women want to give him cash while the men tell him to fuck himself basically. This film has an issue with wealth and men in general.
As he sits in his chair, a young kid, Isaac (Tommy Tebbs), runs by and is chased by two goons, led by Blaze (Patrick Bogdanich), a slimy white dude with dreadlocks and a bad attitude. Isaac was pushing drugs or fencing stolen property or something and as he ran off, Percy looked out for him. They are now friends. I felt bad for Isaac. I’d prefer death to being that asshole’s friend.
A caravan driven by James (Jason Wade) is in the wrong side of town. His wife and two kids are with him and as they are parked on the side of the road, Percy rolls up and starts preaching to them about being grateful for what they have. James was right when he said “who is this loser” as Percy rolled up, but his wife desperately wants to ride around and watch homeless activity. Hey, it’s cheaper than the zoo, I guess. What a preachy bitch she was to her poor hubby. Once again, the guys are the assholes in this. James just wanted to go to the family holiday party, but his wife and annoying kids demanded that they monitor homeless people and realize that those without homes are far more in tune with goodness than people that have homes. Makes sense.
Blaze and his friend show up at the homeless camp as Percy rambles on and on about forgiveness and love and all that shit. He even insists on singing religious tunes. At least Blaze had the common courtesy to knock Percy out, dropping him right out of his wheelchair. Normally, I’m against punching a guy in a wheelchair in the face, but this guy deserved it.
The movie ends kind of like THE WIZARD OF OZ, and freeze-frames on Percy smiling and crying. What a fucking mess this was. SAINT STREET got 4/5 on Amazon, telling me that the filmmaker got all his friends to give it 5 stars. This film is so preachy and pointless. I found myself laughing at how bad it was. So, I guess it gets a point there, but this film really blows rhino cock.
Rating: 2/10
