By Melissa Antoinette Garza
“You suck, mister. I know it and everyone knows it.” – (Ron) Ted Wells
Every now and then, I’ll be watching a movie with a group of people and think, “this is fantastic” only to be disappointed to learn that everyone else in the room dislikes it. Hard Rock Zombies is a perfect example.
The film is a bunch of randomness thrown together. It begins with a “heavy metal” band that sings music much closer to pop than hard rock. They decide to playa a small town but the residents are dead-set against it. They don’t want their children to be witness to such horrible songs.
The band is warned to stay away from the town but decide to play anyways. An odd but seemingly nice family invites them to bunk at their house, and the guys accept. Soon it is learned, that the family have a sinister plot. The grandmother is actually a werewolf. The hot daughter is a murderer. There’s a murderous midget with a patch, a grandson ghoul who likes to watch his grandparents have sex, and then there’s the grandfather. Only the grandfather isn’t what he seems. When a red light indicates that it’s time (for what we really don’t know), he takes off his mask to reveal that he is Hitler. For awhile he speaks a mixture of German and English randomly and incoherently into the camera.
Hitler and the gang quickly murder the band, but not even death can keep them from their concert. They come back and murder the family who then in-turn become zombies. The rampage continues until nearly everyone in town are zombies.
This is just a quirky fun film. There are a lot of strange jokes and things that just don’t make sense. Rather than calling out the holes in the plot, I choose to believe it all comes down to Nazi experiments.
There really isn’t a dull moment. Sometimes the band is doing their best impression of Journey for five minutes, other scenes show a Nazi, midget zombie decapitating unsuspecting lovers.
For those who demand a bit more from their film, there is a side romance going on between the lead singer and a young girl who first tries to warn the band but when that fails, refuses to stop loving her Zombie singer. The movie does try to bounce back-and-forth to remind the audience that the love story is significant, but let’s face facts nothing is going to outrank Zombie Hitler.
Without question, this isn’t for everyone. Most people will barely get through it, if they can at all. I spent $18.00 on it and believe it’s worth twice that much. My husband likewise enjoyed the production though not as much as myself. Personally, I just can’t resist a Zombie Hitler saluting other zombies or heavy metal zombies who pretend to be mimes. It’s hilarious.
For cult film fanatics who don’t mind sitting through movies without a plot one can comprehend, you’ll find Hard Rock Zombies to be a treat. I would recommend that you find this gem and enjoy one strange night!
