By Melissa Antoinette Garza
I only saw the original FROZEN (2013) once or maybe twice when it came out. It wasn’t anything I went out of my way to see, but I remember my niece throwing the blu-ray in and I thought “not bad.” The snowman irritated me. I didn’t like the face of the main dude, Kristoff (Jonathan Groff). He just looks like he should be put in the corner with a dunce cap on. Why’d they draw him like that? He’s weird. That said, overall the tale between the sisters was a cool one and the music was fine.
I figured I’d have the same feelings about the sequel as I did about the first. The vibe of “Meh – whatever” I thought was going to be much stronger. It wasn’t great, but it was slightly better than the first, I think. I honestly don’t know if it’s because I was with my sis and we were just having fun or if it’s actually better than the first. Whatever the case was, the little girl in me was totally feeling Elsa’s plights. The rest of the story, I didn’t give a fuck about.
The movie opens with Elsa and Anna as little girls. Their father tells them that when he was young he visited an enchanted forest with the soldiers of Arendelle. His father was the leader. In the Enchanted Forest lived the people of Northuldra. They are a tribe of magic nature lovers. The girls are told that Arendelle built a dam as a peace offering to Northuldra, but that the tribe screwed them over and started killing everybody. Elsa and Anna’s dad only got away when an unseen mysterious being carried him away. He never found out who it was. (Don’t worry – you will)
Fast forward to Elsa (Idina Menzel) and Anna (Kristen Bell) all grown up. Kristoff is still hitting it with Anna and he wants to propose but the dude is aloof. I like Kris more in this flick, but he still has the weird face. Also, he’s really fucking dumb – box of rocks, dumb. He spends most of the flick trying to propose to Anna but keeps fucking it up.
That said, Anna’s no prize herself. She cuts Kristoff off when he’s trying to speak. She leaves to follow her sister without telling him. She never lets him explain himself. I think this was supposed to be a play on women’s empowerment, but instead it just makes Anna seem like a self-absorbed jerk who demands 100% but only puts in about 10%. I found myself yelling “Run Dumb Kristoff. Find a nicer bimbo! This one is a bitch.”
Elsa, on the other hand, is where the flick did feminism right. Elsa starts hearing a call to the Enchanted Forest. She tries to ignore it, but the elements (fire, air, wind and earth) start fucking with Arendelle. It forces everyone to evacuate to safety and forces her to go find out what really happened all those years ago with her father and granddad.
Elsa goes and Anna, Kristoff, that annoying fuckwit snowman and the reindeer dude all accompany her.
Now, Elsa is a badass. She knows she’s different than everyone else because she has her magical powers. Despite, her magic being kickass, being different is difficult and she wants to find something to connect with. She thinks the key to it all may be found in a mysterious fifth element.
During her journey, she finds a lot of strength within herself. Some predictable secrets about her grandfather surface which made me roll my eyes. It was the most predictable turn of events, but it’s just dumb. That said, if you focus on Elsa’s journey – there is a powerful story for her.
She’s cool shit! I even love her relationship with Anna despite Anna being a dummy.
In the end, Kristoff does get some cool moments. He saves Anna twice and gives this speech about how he’s there for her. That said, that boy needs some balls. I think in some ways, writers are afraid to write a scene where a dude tells a chick off even when she deserves it. They think they’re being progressive, but it’s just sexist stupidity.
There’s a moment in this that I’m like, “damn, Kristoff has battered boyfriend syndrome.” He never confronts her with “bitch, I followed you and got locked into an enchanted fucking forest and risked my life for you again and you leave without a word. What the fuck?” Instead, we get a “You had to do you and I support you and will always be here for you” type of speech. Support from men is a good thing, but they don’t have to be doormats. Anna does apologize but she doesn’t even look him in the eye when she does and he basically tells her there was no reason to apologize. There so was! She was awful. She screwed him over. Sure, he looks like a dummy and has a weird head, but Anna you picked him! Treat him the way Mr. T treats his mom. In other words, Treat Kristoff right. Treat him right!
In the end, he even dresses in a suit for her and is completely out of his comfort zone doing it. If she was cool, I’d say it was a nice gesture. My guess is Kristoff would have gotten a black eye had he not done what Anna wanted. I don’t like Anna! She’s got a dark violent side, and is taking her aggression out on a guy with a very low IQ.
Elsa is fab though. If I had the power to freeze shit, a whole bunch of motherfuckers would be ice sculptures. She keeps her anger under control. A Missy wouldn’t. I’d be like Mr. Freeze on crack – and not the cool Mr. Freeze from Batman: The Animated Series. No, I’d go full Schwarzenegger- bad puns and all. I’m just saying, Elsa has some restraint on her, especially with all the shit she endured as a child.
Overall, I’d say this is better than the first. There are a few scenes I think kids would get super emotional over. I even got a bit misty eyed during some of them (Shut the fuck up! A Missy can cry once in awhile). So, just know some sad shit happens, but it’s Disney, so things work out. At least for everybody but poor dummy Kristoff who is going to have to spend a lifetime with self-absorbed bitch Anna that just got a promotion (no spoilers).
If you got kids, go see this in the theater so you don’t hear them yapping in your ears. If you’re an adult and there’s nothing else playing, it’s doable. I would’ve rather seen BOMBSHELL (2019), but that wasn’t playing at the right time.
As for the music, it’s alright. I don’t remember the songs but at least it’s not that annoying bullshit that everyone and there sister has to record themselves singing.
All in all, it’s better than the first. I’d watch it again for the Elsa scenes because some of the animation during her evolution is tremendous. Otherwise, fuck Anna.
Scared Stiff Rating: 6.5/10
Buy my Gypsy Stuff at Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/GypsySpiritTarot
