By Melissa Antoinette Garza
Full disclosure, I was very drunk during the first half of this flick, and I was slightly less drunk during the second half of this flick. That said, I think I remember the whole movie so fear not.
The first thing I remember was being happy about the new SHAFT (2019) trailer. I can’t wait for that. I love Richard Roundtree. I also remember feeling disgusted that a new Madea movie was coming out. I hate Madea. I hate Madea so very much.
After that, I know the movie started at some point. It opens with Ali (Taraji P. Henson) working in a male dominated agency that represents sports clients. She believes that she is making partner, but instead the position goes to a male. This sends Ali into a spiral of anger. She blames pretty much all men.
It’s rather strange as both WHAT WOMEN WANT (2000) and WHAT MEN WANT (2019) are about the insensitivity of men and masculine behaviors. Neither examine anything negative about femininity. I love femininity. I put it far above masculinity on the attractiveness scale, but I did think the flick took the easy way out. Ali’s issue isn’t that she’s a woman who is insensitive towards a man, but rather she’s a woman who has adopted stereotypical male behaviors from working in a boy’s club. The moral of the story is Boys are Bad.
That said, I still didn’t hate the flick. It was soap-boxy. Her boss Nick Ivers (Brian Bosworth) is a caricature of a white, alpha male douche-bag. At one point he invokes the Me-Too movement without understanding what it meant. He uses it to represent why he wouldn’t fire an African American woman despite wanting to. I guess the point is Nick confuses the anti-sexual harassment and anti sexual-assault group with some sort of equality or anti-discrimination clause. I suppose one could be that stupid, but it’s sort of contrite, and I love Brian Bosworth. He’s the fucking man.
Still, it has some positives. Ali is a very strong woman. Whether wearing the bravado of a masc or the confidence of a fem, she shines. She owns the role. She has the comedy chops, the timing and can emote enough to make me feel. I like her. She’s a Fem Goddess I cheered for even when she was unkind to her friends.
Speaking of her friends, there is a great supporting cast. Within the characters there are certain issues that need addressing, but the actors were phenomenal. Ali’s assistant Brandon (Josh Brener) was both my favorite character and the most controversial. First, Brener portrays the character marvelously. He’s sweet, shy, kind, loyal and has wonderful facial expressions that deliver physical comedy gold.
I really didn’t even have an issue regarding the flamboyance or retro token gay feel it had to it as much as I was bothered by one of the final lines of the flick. Ali promotes Brandon and says something to the effect that an agent can not talk in a high-pitched voice as his is. The only voice he really had throughout the flick was the same somewhat lispy affectation. Now Ali wasn’t a homophobic character. She even helps Brandon get together with his love interest, but that was certainly a homophobic comment. It was basically saying, “Don’t talk gay.” I was a bit taken aback by it, but admittedly I seemed to be the only one in the theater who noticed as everyone else took it as a joke. Maybe, I’m touchier in my old age. I don’t know. I just didn’t think the character said it in a moment of levity. It seemed to be a legit warning.
Regardless, the entire flick revolves Ali going to an insane psychic who gives her the ability to read men’s thoughts. She uses it to get ahead in the company and nearly snag a high-powered client. The father of the athlete, Joe Dolla Barry (Tracy Morgan) is wary of working with Ali because she doesn’t have a family. Without telling her boyfriend Will (Aldis Hodge) she pretends he’s her husband and his child is theirs.
Hodge and Morgan are awesome. Both bring laughs and emotion. The kid sadly was so wooden. He just couldn’t deliver the lines. Admittedly, he’s like 6 – but it was dreadful. They were the hardest scenes to watch. Then again, I hate most kid actors.
In the end, Ali has a breakdown and reveals to her girlfriends the misgivings of their husbands. They get angry with her as everyone else does for her selfish ways. This is her wake-up call and she realizes man = bad and women = good.
That was my only issue with this flick. It was funny but spent too much time trying to sell the evils of mankind. I’m not saying that sexism doesn’t exist. I’m a fucking full fem 24/7. I know it does. I have a DM filled with dick pics I did not request or want showing that it does, but to act as though so many men have intentional untoward thoughts regarding one because of their gender is a bit far-fetched. I worked in male dominated fields (hardware, auto and old video stores with porn sections) for YEARS and 90% of the men were gents while 10% were fucking assholes. That’s what I find today. Even on Twitter hanging with the boys, most are respectful and sweet. We joke around like motherfuckers but at the end of the day everything is gravy and they treat me like a fem. It isn’t healthy to pretend that every guy is a pounce-happy louse.
Giving credit where it’s due, there were a few guys in this flick that were gents – but none of them were mascs. Brandon was an easily controlled fem guy who didn’t take a stand until the end. Even then it was a passive fem stance. Likewise, Will is much more fem than masc. He’s an emotional widower, who has to be forced to tell Ali to calm down in the bedroom. God bless, Ali for taking control and rocking herself out, but Will lets her literally crush his balls because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.
All the men with a more masc stance are shown to be bad people. Even Ali’s dad (Richard Roundtree) who brought Ali up to be a strong masc comes to the conclusion in the end that they’re too strong. He tells her to put the gloves down and says that he should too. The theme again is one of masculinity being a bad thing.
Admittedly, I am FAR more into things that are feminine. I like fem boys more. I like fem girls more. Still, masculinity isn’t a bad thing. Clint Eastwood wore it really well. There are the old fashioned cowboy gent mascs who just want to defend a fem’s honor and then ravish her on the floor of a barn. Not all mascs are looking to hate on women. That’s my only bone of contention.
Otherwise, this is a solid comedy that is worth at least a Redbox watch.
Scared Stiff Rating: 4.5/10
