By Dash Jordan
Hey kids! It’s Dash Jordan here, and I feel the need to get something off my chest yet again. Apparently, there’s still a few people in this world who still don’t consider the 1988 action movie classic ‘Die Hard’, or its 1990 sequel as “Christmas Movies”. But, I know that you guys are all just kidding…you are kidding, right?
I honestly don’t see what the problem is. The movie is about…you know? I don’t need to tell you what the plot is! It’s friggin’ ‘Die Hard’, you all know the story! So why are there still people who don’t count it as a Christmas movie?!? Oh, because it’s an action movie? That’s like not counting ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ as a Christmas movie because there’s Halloween stuff in it! You know what? The same thing goes for ‘Die Hard 2: Die Harder’. Not only does that also count as a Christmas movie, but it’s also a damn good sequel to boot. I don’t care who thinks otherwise!
I mean, seriously…both movies only take place on Christmas Eve for goodness sake! Yeah, both movies were released in the summer. Well, how about a little wake-up call in your stocking? There have been plenty of Christmas movies in the past that weren’t released in December. Like your precious ‘White Christmas’! Oh yes, this 1954 classic was released in October! OCTOBER!!! Oh, what’s that? You don’t want me to talk smack about Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye? Well, how about they not release a movie when people are trying to focus on Halloween? Can we at least wait until the 2000s before people try to skip over Halloween and Thanksgiving?
Oh, and speaking of ‘White Christmas’…do any of you even remember the beginning of that movie? No, I’m not talking about Bing Crosby singing that iconic and beloved Christmas song that the movie is named after. Look beyond the music, where does this movie open up at? In Europe during World War II! So you’re telling me that a funny and barefoot Bruce Willis trying to save hostages from terrorists in a L.A. skyscraper isn’t Christmas-y enough, but a movie that starts with WWII is a cherished Holiday Classic?!?
I’ve said this time and time again. I believe that every opinion matters. I also believe in equality. So, I believe that films like ‘Die Hard’, ‘Die Hard 2’, ‘Black Christmas’, ‘Lethal Weapon’, ‘Silent Night, Deadly Night’, ‘Christmas Evil’, ‘Gremlins’, ‘Batman Returns’ and ‘Krampus’ deserve the right to be called Christmas movies just as much as any other “official” Christmas films that feature the following:
Borderline-Psychotic Family Men
Disgruntled Employees
Nightmarish Ghosts
Bad Parenting
REALLY Bad Parenting
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Bullying
Oh, and worst of all…Professional Wrestlers Trying To Act
Sorry Miz…you’re still awesome though.
In other words, and I will be saying this for the last time…’Die Hard’ IS A CHRISTMAS MOVIE! Of course, if you disagree with me…
Nah I’m just kidding, I love you guys! Until next time, Gotta Dash!
Written by Shane Moose
