By Melissa Antoinette Garza
Wow! Time gives one perspective. I saw this movie when I was 14 years old and at that time I did not see how fucked this whole thing was. I was of the mindset that the two leads could have ended up happy together if not for the skanky brunette middle-aged jack-hole interfering. I may have needed a touch of therapy.
For starters, I crushed hard on Alicia Silverstone for many years. She’s still gorgeous by the way, but she had this coyness in her characters that I liked. It’s the same quality that makes Drew Barrymore so appealing. I like those Fem Goddesses, I do.
Admittedly, watching THE CRUSH (1993) now was a bit weird. It’s still a great flick, but just remembering what my teen girl thoughts were makes me cringe a bit. Oh well. I’ve always been crazy so I’ll just roll with it.
The film begins with journalist Nick Eliot (Cary Elwes) moving to a new house next door to 14 year old Darian Forrester (Alicia Silverstone). Darian immediately falls for Nick. I don’t get it. I know that Cary Elwes is a heartthrob to many. Since THE PRINCESS BRIDE (1987) many gals get hot over him. Personally, I was always an Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin) gal. RAWR. Cary Elwes always reminds me of a NPC in a videogame. He’s a plain dude that kind of looks like a Ken doll, but has a nice voice. His accent is sexy. I’ll give him that.
Nonetheless, Nick does it for Darian. She starts flirting with him like crazy and even kisses him. Dummy Nick thinks with his dick and kisses her back for a moment. He pulls away and comes to his senses, but too late buddy. You just made out with a 14 year old girl. Shit is about to get real!
Nick tries to handle her with kid gloves but she purposely tries to get him riled. She poses in her bathing suit in front of him. When she knows he’s hiding in her closet, she strips. The girl has problems!
Meanwhile, Nick picks up with Amy (Jennifer Rubin). I hate Amy. I hated Amy when I was 14 and I still fucking hate Amy. As an adult, I know Nick and Darian are a million types of wrong. Nick is a gross weirdo and Darian needs a little help, but Amy sucks.
She just tries too hard. She’s earthy and crunchy and wears little round glasses that are so hip and cool and fun. Fuck her!
Also, she’s a pretentious twat that tries to talk down to the 14 year old. I love that Darian not only gets the best of her but cuts the bitch down to size. I know I shouldn’t feel this way because technically Amy is the strong female protagonist, but fuck it. I didn’t write this flick. They should have made her more likable. I hate the wench!
It’s not the actress either. I loved Jennifer Rubin in NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3 (1987) as Taryn. It isn’t her. It’s just the character of Amy that I loathe. She just acts like she’s so above it all and never hits hard against Nick. At some point, she should have gone to that dude and been like, “You’re a fucking idiot! Go to Darian’s dad or I will because that girl needs help.” Instead, she starts a war of words with a girl barely out of junior high. Booo! Booo Amy! You suck!
I’m not alone in this sentiment. Darian hates her too. Fine, maybe she’s not the best judge of character, but I love her.
Soon, Nick gets tough with the teen and tells her to stay away. He then pursues a full on relationship with Amy. The hatred and jealousy overwhelms Darian and she admittedly makes some poor decisions. None of us are perfect! She may be worse than most. She may even have a touch of bat-shit craziness, but I am still on her side. I don’t want her to end up with Nick. She’s FAR too young for that shit. It’d be weird and nasty; but I’m not against her killing him and getting away with it. That’s the healthy viewpoint, I think.
Darian goes to the police and says that Nick raped her. She stole a condom and was able to plant his semen in her. That’s a pretty shitty thing to do, but I don’t like Nick – so fuck him. Darian is a clever girl. She’s psychotic and dangerous, definitely, but she’s clever! If she gets out of this alive, she’s going places.
In the end, Nick and Amy fight to clear his name while Darian tries to make him pay for not falling in love with her.
In all honesty, this is still a fun flick. It’s fucked up. I don’t think it would be made today with the same levity or suspense. I think it would be more of a drama and Nick wouldn’t be painted sympathetically.
Silverstone was only 16 when filming this and that definitely adds to the creep factor. I think it’s why I’m so easy on Darian. She’s a kid. Alicia legit looks like a young teen in this because she was a young teen while portraying the character. Everyone remembers how it was to be obsessed as a teen. Nick is a fucking idiot for playing into it. He makes every wrong move. He’s attracted to her and even goads it a bit. He never goes to her father (Kurtwood Smith) to get it under control. He panics like a little bitch at every move. I’m just saying Darian would not have gotten away with this had she tried it with Inigo Montoya. He would not have given her the time of day.
Imma love Inigo! He would have said, “Check me in 5 years baby” and split. Why? Because Inigo Montoya is a fucking badass and just a good dude! That’s why.
Nick on the other hand – fuck that guy! He got what he deserved.
I found THE CRUSH in a used DVD shop but it’s an easy enough find. It’s a cheap rental pretty much everywhere. It’s even on Tubi for free with ads so watch this shit.
Scared Stiff Rating: 7/10
