By Geno McGahee
“I want to be the biggest rock star in the world and everything that comes with it.” – Martin (Stephen Quadros)
I love horror movies that have a heavy metal theme. BLACK ROSES, TRICK OR TREAT, DEAD GIRLS and ROCKTOBER BLOOD bring me so much joy. Another heavy metal horror themed flick is SHOCK ‘EM DEAD, featuring Traci Lords and MMA commentator, “The Fight Professor”, Stephen Quadros. At this time, Quadros was an actor and had his first lead role and he makes the most of it in this silly and fun horror film.
Martin (Quadros) has a miserable life. He lives in a trailer park, hates his job at the pizza shop, and his closest contact with a female is peeping in on them as they get changed for work. A group called “Spastique Kolon” phones Martin, when they find out that he knows how to play a guitar, and welcome him to audition for the band. When he tries to leave work, his boss, Tony (Aldo Ray), refuses, leading to a fantastic moment. Martin tells his boss that he’s leaving no matter what, prompting Tony to splash pizza sauce on him. As Tony notes that he’s not going to make a good first impression, Martin flips him the bird right to his face, screaming “fuck you” at the top of his lungs. It’s hilarious.
The audition goes terrible and Jonny (Markus Grupa) is an arrogant jerk that makes fun of Martin. Dejected, Martin returns to his job to ask for it back, but Tony instructs him to suck a clogged toilet dry with a straw, and then throws him physically out of the restaurant. After a run in with his landlord, Martin stumbles upon a voodoo woman that promises him everything he wishes for in exchange of his soul. He agrees and Angel Martin is born, a kick-ass metal king that has the skills to take over the music world. He wakes up alongside some hot babes and with huge 1980’s style hair. The hair makes the man.
Martin visits Spastique Kolon again and asks for an audition, but this time he blows them away and is immediately welcomed into the band. He even masters their tune “hairy cherry,” but he goes on to perform “virgin girl” for the big crowd at their debut together. Jonny really thought that he was a genius with his music, but I don’t think Virgin Girl or Hairy Cherry would be hits, especially when you put them across from great bands like Winger, Queensryche and Iron Maiden. What? You got a problem with me saying Winger is a great band?
Not having a soul comes with a price. Martin must kill people in order to survive. The longer he goes without killing somebody, the weaker he gets. Being a rock star brings out the worst in him as well, as he returns to his old job and terrorizes the crew before (spoiler) killing Tony. I can understand killing Tony. He’s a prick. But why go after the crew that seemed to like him? They even warned him when he returned that Tony wasn’t in a good mood. He repays them by dunking one of their faces in pizza sauce and throwing shredded mozzarella in the face of another. That fame got to his head.
Little by little, Martin grows an interest in Lindsay (Traci Lords), and this does not sit well with Greg (Tim Moffett), her boyfriend. When Greg storms into Martin’s mansion, he begins to see things that he’s not supposed to see, including Martin and his group of chicks killing somebody. When the police can’t find any wrongdoing, it’s up to Greg to stop him once and for all, leading to a fun conclusion to a fun film.
SHOCK ‘EM DEAD is a great deal of fun and really captures a time when having hair that big was considered awesome. Stephen Quadros, reserved for the most part in his role in mixed martial arts, held nothing back in this role. He’s hilarious as the nerdy Martin and believable as the metal demon, Angel. No matter how silly this film is, Quadros took it seriously. I have always had a fondness for Traci Lords. She was great in ICE and had a few other roles, but never really had a real shot at something substantial. After watching ICE, I thought that she could have been an action star, but the stars were not aligned. Although she is advertised on the cover of this film, she is a small part of it, but she plays it quite well. She always brings a genuine feel to her characters and that’s what we got here.
Not nearly as good as TRICK OR TREAT, BLACK ROSES or ROCKTOBER BLOOD, SHOCK ‘EM DEAD is well worth a watch. I found myself laughing aloud on several occasions and the pace is rather good. It’s not going to change the world, but it is a welcomed addition to the heavy metal horror movie sub-genre. I recommend it.
Rating: 6/10
