By Melissa Antoinette Garza
Despite growing up in chaos as a child, I had an optimistic streak that could keep me going. There were certain movies that brought this out in me. One of those is the often trashed, under-appreciated cult masterpiece SGT. PEPPERS LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND (1978).
The film opens when Mr. Kite (George Burns) narrates how the Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band helped defeat war enemies in 1918 with their magic instruments. We are brought to the present times of 1978.
Billy Shears (Peter Frampton) now fronts the band with brothers Mark(Barry Gibb), Dave (Robin Gibb) and Bob Henderson (Maurice Gibb). His jealous sexy cousin Dougie (Paul Nicholas) is the hype man/manager. He’s my favorite! He’s delectable in suspenders, a red bow-tie and a black bowler hat. He tries to make moves on the breathtaking Strawberry Fields (Sandy Farina), but she’s in love with Billy.
Strawberry is one of the few good girls in film that I actually love. She’s genuinely kind, naturally beautiful and wonderfully devoted. I adore everything about the character and Farina’s performance. She’s both the kind of girl you could bring home to mom, yet not so uptight that you couldn’t score some fun the bedroom. Farina makes it incredibly easy to see why everyone fawns over Fields.
Dougie and Billy aren’t the only two who have fallen under her white magic spell either. Evil doer, Mean Mr. Mustard (Frankie Howerd) is instantly attracted to her. His computer even needs to tell him to keep his mind on business (or bizness, if you’d insist on me being true to the film).
Mustard’s business is money. He really loves money. He is heading to the Heartland with some gimp sex robots (that is definitely what they are) to steal the band’s magical instruments. At the same time, sleazy record producer B.D. (Donald Pleasence) offers Mark and the Henderson boys a record deal. The group including cuz Dougie travel to Hollywood in a weather balloon. Give me that over a limo any day!
Strawberry stays in Heartland, but gives Billy a goodbye to remember. She serenades to him Here Come The Sun in a lovely and unaffectedly sweet way. That isn’t to say Billy’s eyes don’t wander. Immediately, upon arriving at the airport B.D. picks them up with his photographer, seductress and songstress Lucy (Dianne Steinberg). She has a thing for Billy and Dougie has a thing for her and everyone has eyes for the Goddesses of the Night on the street corners.
The Henderson trio also get their game on with some specific gorgeous ladies back at B.D.’s hotel. B.D. sets them up with more than women, though. He sets them all up with food, money and drugs. At dinner, he gets everyone to sign a record contract. This can’t go poorly at all!
On the plus, a full on orgy breaks out.Everyone is having a good time. Billy and Luc make love on a spinning water bed that looks like a record while red and blue lights and psychedelic waves are shown. It’s certainly my type of party.
Hold on……oh no, am I a villain? Oh wait, I already knew that. Phew!
At first everything is cool. Lucy is rock’n it with everyone. She is vampy! If Fields wasn’t so perfect, I’d be asking “Strawberry who?”
On tour, the band is killing it with every performance. The critics are being far kinder than they were to the film. Back at Heartland, things aren’t going as great. Mean Mr. Mustard has stolen the instruments and sold them to some really awesome people. Now that business is taken care of, he decides it’s time to kidnap Strawberry to be with him. He must have made those poor gimp robots feel inadequate. It’s not you, you gracious, massaging androids. It’s him. He’s a bastard.
With things going disastrously in town, Strawberry decides to run and get Billy’s help in acquiring the instruments back. When she arrives off the bus, she sees posters for both Lucy’s band and Billy’s. They come to life in a vision and she is immediately taken by Lucy and her group (Stargard) who rock out Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Both Billy and the Henderson boys can’t help but react to the women and go over. You can’t blame them. The gals are using their wiles in ways that are irresistible to any human. The costumes, makeup, designs and dancing are just fantastic.
She eventually finds Billy at a audio recording. She tells them about the plight and everyone jumps aboard to help. The group leave B.D. and steals Mustard’s van. They use the computer to find out where the musical pieces are.
My favorite recovery happens at Dr. Maxwell Edison’s (Steve Martin) lab. He has the cornet and is using it in a money-making scheme by beautifying people with it. He is fabulous. I love Steve Martin but rarely find myself attracted to his character. It should tell you all you need to know about me that I find Maxwell Edison absolutely adorable in this. I think he’s crazy, weird and kinky. Those are three of my favorite traits!
Another thing I find cool is that Dennis who portrayed Craterface in GREASE (1978) and GREASE 2 (1982) is a background dancer. As a kid, before the internet and IMDB made things so easy I would argue with people that it was the same actor. They thought I was crazy. They were right, but so was I!
In a crazy scene the Bee-Gees fight some fem nurses. It’s choreographed in a dance number where no one gets hit, but thinking of these three hippie, peace-loving gents beating the shit out of women cracks me up. I can’t imagine how many wrong things that says about me
Next on the list is Father Sun (Alice Cooper) who is a hilarious nutjob cult leader. He began as a crossing guard who was bullied by kids and he ended up turning it around to brainwash the little bastards that fucked with him. Like everything else, it’s weird, wild and right up my alley. The group does get the tuba back but Billy gets hurt and passes out. He needs true love to bring him back to life. Strawberry sings my favorite Beatles song Strawberry Fields. Billy hears her on a subconscious level and every memory he had with Lucy is replaced with Strawberry’s face. “Yes, I fucked her but every time I fantasize about that night, I think of you.” That’s romance right? I think that’s romance! Then again, I think Hannibal and Clarice should have ended up together in SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991). I am not a good gauge.
Even after acquiring the instruments, the town still needs help. The group decides to do a benefit concert unaware that Dougie and Lucy plan to hit the road with the cash. They do a wild, sexy little number and I couldn’t tell you which of the two delight me more. I just wish we saw a little more of them because they are a dynamo duo. I also love that Dougie is never hated for his actions. He’s mischievous. He’s just the kind of boy that needs to be spanked. There’s the men you spank and those you let spank you, and he’s definitely one that needs to take it a little.
As this is occurring, Mustard implements his plan to kidnap Strawberry. He brings her to the Future Villain Band (Aerosmith) who use subliminal messaging and are planning to take over and screw with people.
A battle between the bands ends in a tragedy that only the power of love and a magic weathervane (Billy Preston) can reverse.
There is an incredible amount of hate for SGT. PEPPERS LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND (1978) and it’s one of my favorite films. I’ve tried to wrap my mind around why there is so much disdain for something so fan-fucking-tastic and I have only two theories. The first is that my taste isn’t as stellar as I give myself credit for, but look at me. That can’t be right. The stuff I love is awesome! The second and much more likely scenario is that some BEATLES fans feel that the meaning of the band’s music is more significant that the film conveys. I’ve never adhered to that mindset. Without question, the BEATLES music on its own is brilliant. They are one of the best bands of all time (if not THEE best). There are so many layers within their music and even now I’ll listen to a song I’ve heard a billion times and it will elicit something different from me. That said, the music isn’t above this movie – whatever that would even mean.
The production is creative, artistic, innovative, hilarious, well-produced and stylistically gorgeous. It’s well-crafted, bizarre and completely self-aware. It’s campy, crazy, but remains light. It has a sensational ending that puts a smile on my face every time I see it.
So, it’s not trying to save the world and it isn’t bringing forth any dynamic new analysis of philosophy. It doesn’t have to be and one isn’t necessarily better than the other. Enduring the darkness with light is as important as examining why the darkness is present.
In the end, I can’t say enough great things about this movie. It’s one I often throw on at parties and thankfully the reactions have been mostly positive. Generally, some of the flicks I choose are a bit edgier so I think sometimes people are happy that I’ve thrown something in that is absent of both gore and gratuity.
This one isn’t streaming free, but it’s definitely worth the purchase. There are too many amazing performances within this to go over them all. Frampton and the Bee-Gees nailed their roles. Farina and Steinberg are goddesses that own their roles and amazingly convey opposite sides of the feminine spectrum. Both female leads are strong women who act in independent ways defying convention and sometimes direct orders. Strawberry is very soft and Lucy is very raw, but I challenge anyone to argue that either isn’t a feminist portrayal. They are badasses in command of their own destiny. Even Strawberry sneaks out of Heartland and hits the city streets of Hollywood on her own to save her hometown.
Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, Billy Preston, George Burns, Steve Martin, Earth Wind and Fire, Frankie Howerd and the legendary Donald Pleasence all are marvelous in this. I just don’t get what is not to like about this film. Great music, great vibes, great fun – I mean who doesn’t like fun?
Last but not least is Paul Nicholas. I just love that man so much. He has so much pizzazz. I could have watched a movie all about Dougie’s little scampish ways. He’s divine and Nicholas brings out such a likability in him. Even when the actions are reprehensible, he’s just so cute about it. It’s like the book ROTTEN RALPH where a bad little red kitty kept making his owner’s life a living hell. He’s too cute to get mad.
Anyways, buy this – now if you can! It’s good. I promise.
Scared Stiff Rating: 9/10
