By Melissa Antoinette Garza
Hold on.
I’ll get to the review in one minute. I’m gonna rock out to the Ramones first because Missy is still a motherfucking Punk Rocker!
I don’t want to be buried in a Pet Sematary! I don’t want to live my life again!
Fucking hell was Joey Ramone amazing! When I die, I’m going to chill on his cloud for more than a minute. I love that cat.
And speaking of cats….. (seamless segway) onto the review of the PET SEMATARY (2019) remake or reimagining or whatever other groovy label these Hollywood types apply to flicks like this. I liked it. Really! I know. I’ve heard so many horrible reviews, but I liked it.
That said, Stephen King isn’t sacred territory for me the way he is for other horror fans. He’s great. He’s fab. He writes amazing stuff, but I don’t mind liberties being taken with his work. Now, I’m not saying the film is perfect. IT (2017) was far better, but I like the original IT (1990) better than the original PET SEMATARY (1989) too. I think I just prefer that angle and story.
Still, going in with zero expectations definitely helped me. The film opens with Dr. Louis (Jason Clarke) uprooting his family from Boston, MA to Ludlow, VT so that he can have a calmer life. Damn, does that dude have shit for luck!
His wife Rachel (Amy Seimetz) has some baggage. She blames herself for her sister’s death. It’s complicated. Rachel has horrible PTSD, but doesn’t really deal with it and has emotional breakdowns. The move only makes matters worse.
Why did they have to move on sour land? I’m Cherokee. My peeps tried to warn these honkys. (It’s okay, I’m a good portion white too so I can say that word) They didn’t listen.
Rachel and Louis have two kids. Baby Gage (Hugo/Lucas Lavoie) and Ellie (Jeté Laurence). In Vermont, Ellie decides to go into the woods where she finds a pet cemetery that has a misspelled sign. She had seen a strange funeral procession earlier and curiosity got the best of her.
It is there that she meets Jud (John Lithgow). He’s a fine old dude who takes a liking to Ellie. He lives alone and is lonely. Ellie is a little ray of sunshine and so he tries to protect her.
Later, the family cat Church is killed by a stupid truck. Poor Church. He was a good cat! Jud doesn’t want to see Ellie hurt so he encourages Louis to bring the kitty to a place beyond the pet cemetery. He does and Church comes back.
Celebrate good times! Come on!
Oh wait, Church is a bit different than he was. He’s a bit testy about being buried and killed and all that jazz. Also, he might just be some crazy demon and not really Church inside. Still, I have to say – I love Demon Kitty! He’s cool shit.
Church ends up getting Ellie killed. Now, I know Gage is typically the kid to change and that hit a bunch of people the wrong way. I don’t know. I don’t care; daughter or son – whatevs. Just bring on the devil child and it’s all gravy.
Devastated, Louis sends Rachel and Gage to stay with family. He’s got plans – bad plans – really really bad plans, but plans.
Jud tries to tell Louis not to bring Ellie back to life, but he’s not hearing it. He drugs Jud and digs up his daughter. He then puts her corpse in the sour ground and bing bam boom, Ellie’s back!
Celebrate good times! Come on!
Oh fuck! Not again. You know how Church wasn’t the same when he came back. Well, what do you know? Jud was right. This was NOT a good idea! Ellie is ready to fuck shit up. She has a murderous rage. The good news is that both her and Church have a lot in common now and they get along famously. Well, I thought that was good news – no pleasing everyone, I suppose.
I won’t spoil the ending though I’m sure many of you already know the score. That said, the conclusion was pretty funny. I’m not sure it intended to be but I was laughing.
Overall, PET SEMATARY (2019) was decent. I enjoyed it. This story always reminded me of the old anthology DEAD OF NIGHT (1977). There’s one tale where a neglectful woman’s son drowns and she wishes him back. When he returns, he’s very different. I wonder if King was inspired by that? In all honesty, I like DEAD OF NIGHT better but that could be because deep down I’m a showoff that likes to brag about knowing more obscure titles. Oh wait… I mean I’m a horror aficionado. Yeah – that’s it. Sure, whatever gets you off!
Seriously though, I’d give this a shot. My main grievance is that they didn’t use the Ramones version of the song. The new version is fine, but it’s the Ramones! You know – as in the RAMONES!
Beyond the song, it’s a fun flick with good acting. The kids do fine. John Lithgow is still the man after all these years. For such an iconic character in horror, he does well with his performance and interpretation of Jud. Everyone did splendid!
It’s kind of a boring review when I don’t have anything really bad to say. Well – I’m sorry to have wasted your time. At least, I played you The Ramones. That’s gotta count for something.
As for the flick- just try it and you might like it!
Scared Stiff Rating: 6.5/10
