By Geno McGahee
I’m a huge fan of the HALLOWEEN series. It’s easily one of the best horror franchises of all time and the 2018 sequel to the original wasn’t that bad. It was promising. Maybe the series could come back on this new timeline and bring back Myers in a cool way. It did in 2018, but in 2021, HALLOWEEN KILLS came out and it wasn’t that good. It was amusing with the overacting and absurd final act, but it wasn’t good.
It’s 2022 and HALLOWEEN ENDS is here, the finale to the new timeline and it’s been getting terrible reviews and I’m here to say that those reviewers that have trashed this movie are absolutely correct. I considered H20 the worst of the series for a long time. Take a bow HALLOWEEN ENDS, you beat that one by miles.
Corey (Rohan Campbell) is a babysitter, for some reason, and is watching a little shit that needs a punch in the chops. Jeremy (Jaxon Goldenberg) watches THE THING with Corey and is just trashing him and actually scaring him with “The bogey man is coming for you”. He then terrifies him even more by locking him in the attic. When Corey kicks the door in, it knocks Jeremy to his death and now the town has a new bad guy since Michael Myers hasn’t been seen in four years.
Because it was an accident, Corey didn’t go to prison, but he is still harassed in town. A group of teens harass him and beat him up a little until Lorrie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) shows up and scares them off. They are apparently afraid of a 70-year-old woman. Anyway, she helps Corey up and then they slash the tire of the teens and take off. Laurie only saw the tail end of the altercation. For all she knew, Corey could have started all the shit, but she immediately sides with him and then commits a crime.
Saving Corey’s ass wasn’t enough. Laurie wants to see him hook up with her granddaughter, Allyson (Andi Matichak). She gets them together and hopes to make a love connection. Remarkably, Allyson is immediately taken by the weird Corey, even though he resists her from jump. Allyson is incredibly attractive. Why is she chasing this geek?
After some persistence, Allyson gets her way and she is now a couple with Corey. Corey comes face to face with Michael Myers and they meet eyes, sparks fly, and now Corey wants to be the new Myers. UGH. I realized that it was over an hour and Myers has not been a part of this film for the most part. They took this curly-haired nerd in that position. This is worse than FRIDAY THE 13TH: A NEW BEGINNING. At least that was a fun movie, fake Jason or not.
Spoilers ahead, if you care…
Corey is now wearing the Myers mask and going around and trying to live that life. Laurie is determined to stop him and doesn’t want him banging her granddaughter either. I began wanting to stop this one and then apologize for all of my criticisms over H20. For the record, that movie ruled compared to this. What the fuck is this that I’m watching?
Fuck. The movie continues and Corey tries to kill Laurie, but he gets his ass handed to him and that leaves the 80-year-old Michael Myers to finally get the job done. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have much left and Allyson and Laurie team up to make sure that he can’t come back. HALLOWEEN ENDS as the title notes and it ends in a way that made me want to puke in my shoes.
HALLOWEEN ENDS is the worst film in the series. It’s the worst film I’ve seen in years. This film isn’t as bad as the critics have said. It’s worse.
