Dance Moms – guilty pleasure review

Geno 1

Reviewed by Melissa Garza

I dislike reality TV.  I put it down.  I don’t understand how people can watch “Keeping up with the Kardashians” or the God awful “Gene Simmons: Family Jewels.”   I loathe these shows and get aggravated in the store when I hear people talk about them or get excited by magazines with tell-all articles about the shows.  In all honesty, I often consider myself smarter than the viewers of those shows.  I like the higher-class programs like old “Looney Tunes” cartoons and “The A-Team.”   

With my disdain for reality-TV, I was shocked when I became addicted (yes addicted) to Lifetime’s “Dance Moms.”  It was a Sunday morning and my husband was sleeping in.  I was flipping through my Direct-TV channels, and after going through all the stations twice, I stopped on Lifetime.  I had never even heard of the show before and unbeknownst to me there was a marathon on. 

At first, I just started watching and said to myself, “this show is awful.  How can people watch this?”  Then, I didn’t change it – and when the next episode came on, I watched that too.  Then it was 3 hours later and I was still watching.  My husband, Steve, came out of the bedroom and I pouted when I looked at him with embarrassment revealed in my voice, and said, “This is your fault.  I’m watching Dance Moms because you slept late.”

Steve attempted to help me and get me to change the channel, but it was too late.  We weren’t going anywhere and now both me and my husband were watching.  Though he doesn’t like it and plays on his Ipod while it’s on, I did catch him grabbing glimpses when the show goes into high-pitch and one of the moms is yelling.

For those of you who haven’t watched the show, it’s bad.  It’s terrible.  It’s a bad show for bad people.  That said, I freaking love it and can’t wait for Tuesday as the next new episode is on.

The show follows the Abby Lee Dance Academy, the young girls who dance and the moms who fight and quarrel because they want their children to be number 1.  Now, the instructor Abby is a large woman who one would not expect to be teaching dance.  She’s also evil.  She screams at the kids and at the moms.  If one of the mothers are absent she will take it out on the child. 

One child, Nia who is just awesome is the only black child in the group.  Abby makes her wear jungle clothing and an afro.  When her mother Holly says that she thinks its racist, Abby responds by telling her to go somewhere else if she doesn’t like it.  Instead of doing just that, Holly stays.  She cries and questions whether or not to remain but at the end she stays – they all stay.  Well almost everyone –

Since the inception of the show, one mother left.  If she had gone because of the abuse perpetuated by Abby, I’d be applauding.  No, she instead left because she’s as big of a bitch as Abby and refused to follow the dance crew to another location.

Cathy who runs a small dance studio had brought her daughter in.  While in the dance studio with Abby, she refused to ride on a bus with the rest of the crew when they went to a competition advising she wouldn’t ride like the “help.”  When one of the mother’s turned 40, she told her she should get Botox for her birthday.  Sadly, instead of telling Cathy to go to hell, the group all went to get the injections. 

Cathy is pretentious, foolish and obviously one of the most depressed women on TV.  She proves that money cannot buy happiness as she desperately attempts to hide behind this facade of happiness.  It reminds me of someone who is overly religious and smiles all the time saying everything is fantastic, but then commits suicide.  Whether for the TV show or mania, she won’t let her experience with Abby Miller go and does her best to outperform her in competitions going as far as to lie about a dancer’s age.  She always fails and generally cries foul. 

Now, that said, I can’t decide who the worst mother is.  It’s either Cathy or Melissa.  Melissa has two daughters.  The first is Maddie who everyone fawns over because of her dance routine.  In all honesty, I think Nia and Chloe are much better performers, but hey – all the kids have a significant amount of talent.  Anyways, as Abby fawns over Maddie, Melissa’s younger daughter Mackenzie is forced to live in her sister’s shadow.  Abby goes as far as to tell Mackenzie that Maddie was a far better performer at her age.  It’s horrible.  Melissa yells at her girls telling them to grow up when it’s obvious she hasn’t a clue how to do that herself.  She’s as big of a freak as Cathy and just as much as manipulative.  Worse than that, she leaves her children in the care of Abby as she runs around with her boyfriend for weeks on end.   

I really can’t get enough of the show, but it is most certainly a guilty pleasure.  For the most part, I was surprised that the mothers with the exception of Cathy and Melissa are fairly good parents.  They’re not as pushy or controlling as I thought they’d be.

Christi tries her best to keep her daughter Chloe who is nearly always considered second to Maddie from feeling bad about herself.  At one point, Christi tells her daughter that she wouldn’t trade one of her for a million Maddie’s.  That was definitely one of the most touching scenes of the series.

Kelly who is the most combative mom to Abby (and rightfully so) have two children who are both great dancers.  Still, Abby punishes them repeatedly because of their mother’s comments.  Abby, who has a pyramid that she puts the best on top and the worst on the bottom, nearly always keeps Kelly’s children right at the bottom.  Maddie of course is nearly always on top.  Even when Chloe won the right to be in a music video over Maddie, Abby kept her shining star on top.

Holly, who is the mother to Nia, seems like the most down-to-earth.  She has a master’s degree which Abby is extremely insecure about.  Whenever Holly brings up any matter of distress, Jabba – I mean Abby – quickly assumes Holly thinks she is better than everyone else because of her degree. 

Lastly, there’s Jill who is new and came in on season 2 to replace Cathy.  She is just annoying and does whatever she can to get her daughter on top.  Still, not nearly as bad as Melissa who sees Maddie as her meal ticket and is just trash.

The show is definitely low-brow.  It’s something I watch so I don’t have to think – although there are times the outfits make me cringe and I do find myself thinking.   The thought is something along the lines of, “Come on, don’t make your daughter wear that.  She’s a little girl and you’re making her appear like a sex object!”  It isn’t as obvious as the horrible mothers who let their toddlers dress like skanks to win awards at beauty contests, but there are times it gets closer to that than I’d like it to.

Still, the dancing is generally phenomenal.  I really wish that more attention was paid to Nia because I think she has a unique style which is really cool. 

I’m sorry to say that as I write this I’m anxious for the next episode.  I so want to see Abby fall on her face and Melissa’s ex get custody of her children.  I don’t know what type of guy he is, but hopefully he isn’t as bad of a parent as Melissa.

I’m not going to give this a rating.  I can’t because if I did it would be pretty high due to how compelling it is to watch – and I really can’t do that and look at myself in the mirror.  Still, with this article – my guilty pleasure is known and I ask you if you haven’t been made to love the show yet, stay away from the Lifetime Network.  It pulls you in and it won’t let you go.  It’s evil – worse than a horror movie – it’s like The Stuff “enough is never enough.”

One thought on “Dance Moms – guilty pleasure review

  1. Oh my goodness. I nearly passed out when I ran across your critique. You hit the nail on the head with this one. Like you – I cannot believe I even watch the show but I cannot quit! However, I have decided Jill is even worse than Melissa. She has stooped to buying Abby now. And I think Cathy being on the show is just a waste. She is clueless. Thank you for making my day. Wonder what Abby will do next? Scream? Of course, but will she let Jill remain because of the things she does?

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