By Melissa Antoinette Garza
CLASS OF 1999 (1990) is a sci-fi movie that I always end up throwing on at parties. If you have a group of people that have different interests, tastes and thresholds for the bizarre, CLASS OF 1999 is a solid choice. It’s a fun, popcorn movie that is crazy enough to appease the nutjobs like me and tame enough to keep the more laid back among us at ease.
The film opens in 1999 where gangs run rampant in the schools. Students have to go thru metal detectors and guards just to get inside. Our protagonist, Cody (Bradley Gregg) has been released from prison and is heading back to school. Before going in he was a member of the Blackhearts. His older brother Sonny (Darren E. Burrows) is a junkie still in the gang and their younger brother Angel (Joshua John Miller) is in the process of being jumped in.
Cody wants to go straight but is confronted not only by his former gang, but also the rival gang the Razorheads run by Hector (James Medina). As Cody tries to stay alive and out of trouble, he notices the teachers at the school are acting strange.
Three new professors, math teacher Ms. Connors (Pam Grier), history professor Mr. Hardin (John P. Ryan) and gym coach Mr. Bryles (Patrick Kilpatrick) are kicking ass and taking names. There done with the bullshit! When these gang members get out of line, they go old school, corporal punishment style. There’s one more thing. These teachers, aren’t human! They’re AI, motherfuckers! That’s right, we have a gorgeous, Pam Grier robot kicking the shit out of gang-banging dirt-bags in this. See, I told you it’s got a punch to it! It’s not A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (1971) level punch, but we’re not dealing with Tinkerbell either.
Speaking of A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (and that’s what they call a segue, people!) the very sexy Malcolm McDowell is in this. And though we don’t get to see him in all of the nakedness we saw in CALIGULA (1979), he does play the principal, Dr. Miles Langford. Dr. Miles wants to do the right thing! He really wants a clean safe school. When the teachers begin doing the inevitable and killing people, he feels bad, at least worse than what Caligula felt like when he was doing all his evil deeds. (Note to self: Break out CALIGULA…….for science….YUMMY YUMMY science!)
Principal Langford gets taken in by the sweet promises and style of Dr. Bob Forrest (Stacy Keach). In Langford’s defense, Forrest does have a badass look to him. I’d buy what he was selling…and what he’s selling is DEATH!! He promises the teachers will behave and clean up the riffraff at the schools. On that, he delivers. Only it works too well.
The teachers go rogue and begin a murder spree. Cody sees the violence with his own eyes and enlists the help of the principal’s daughter and his love interest Christie (Traci Lind). She’s hesitant at first to go against her dad, but she’s got the hots for Cody and decides to jump in. At first, she’s skeptical but when she sees the teachers defy death, she knows Cody is right.
The teachers work the gangs against each other creating a near gang-war. Cody figures out the truth when the killing trio kidnap Christie. To save the school and the students, the rival gangs must work together and defeat the AI.
Does it go without saying that I’m Team Ms. Connors. She’s the most badass woman in the movie, she’s portrayed by the most badass woman who ever walked the planet and she’s divinely sexy! I love her so much.
The entire cast is spectacular in this. Of no fault of his own, every time I hear Bradley Gregg talk, I think Corey Feldman. They just have a very similar manner of speaking. Beyond that, the performance is fantastic. It’s campy but not too over-the-top. It never hits a moment of parody.
Traci Lind does great as Christie. She conveys both the innocence and flirtatious side of the character very well. She also makes it easy to root for her and maintains sympathy throughout.
Stacy Keach and Malcolm McDowell work marvelously off one another. They had quite a bit of chemistry as well. I wish the film made their union a more romantic one. Had they been lovers, it would have added layers and urgency to their partnership that without it makes Langford’s unwillingness to pull the plug sooner a strange one.
Joshua John Miller was great as the younger brother Sonny who is desperate to have both a sense of real family and a sense of kinship with the Blackhearts. He brings a level of sympathy to a character that has obviously done some bad things. He also did a magnificent job in NEAR DARK (1987). I hope to see him in some new projects. He has such a unique vibe that he brings with him. He accentuates and makes genuine things that would otherwise seem artificial. There are times both the fashion or dialogue of his characters should come across contrite or artificial, but Miller brings in a sense of realism and genuineness to his approach. I enjoy his acting immensely.
John P. Ryan is fantastic. His portrayal of Mr. Hardin makes me nostalgic for my fifth grade elementary school teacher. He was a hard-ass, but was always nice to me. I was quite often bullied. When he caught those who were picking on me, he’d torment them in front of everyone. I loved it so much back then. Even years lather thru junior high and high-school, I’d go visit him on Parent/Teacher day and he was so cool with me! No one else would ever go visit him and I never heard another student or parent say a kind word about him, but Mr. Hardnois (yep, even their names are similar) was and will always be A-OKAY in my book. Mr. Hardin looks, sounds and acts like Hardnois. I like to think that if I were in Hardin’s history class, I would have gotten an A and been his favorite student. I also would have teamed up with the teachers against the gang-bangers, unless Rowdy Roddy Piper stopped by and was all out of bubblegum. Then, I’d have to switch sides because I’m pretty sure Piper would hate robots as much as he hates aliens and Frog People.
Mr. Bryles is just hardcore. After watching this, I think I’d be intimidated by meeting Patrick Kilpatrick in real life. He’s just a certified badass. Admittedly, he’s very easy on the eyes and makes for a delightful watch, but that scary edge is intense…..sexy, but intense! I’ll enjoy the view, but I’d be wary before teaming up with Mr. Bryles. He’s like Ted Bundy on steroids.
And then there’s Dr. Pam Grier! She has so much earned gravitas to her poise. She owns the camera. Every second she is on, she is wonderful! There isn’t a moment where it is difficult to believe she can take down gang members. Even if it was not ROBOT Pam Grier, I’d believe it. She’s just spectacular. Grier’s picture belongs next to the definition of feminist icon! She is truly a take-no-prisoners, ready-to-roll kind of gal that is just amazing to be watch.
As for the film, it’s one of my favorites. It definitely has flaws. Some of the dialogue and plot-points lack logic. Certain moves and epiphanies of the characters make zero sense, but it never takes away from the fun factor.
It’s a cult film that is sort of a sequel to another cult film. The drama CLASS OF 1984 (1982) was made by the same director, Mark L. Lester, and because of that CLASS OF 1999, much like the masterpiece SHOCK TREATMENT (1981), gets some undeserved hate. Some people will never be happy.
Yes, it’s a very different film to CLASS OF 1984, but it’s great in its own right. Also, the last song is awesome. Though it came out in 1990, it rings of the greatness that was 80s rock.
Scared Stiff Rating: 8/10
