By Kevin Scott
I really liked “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”. I saw it when I was 10, and the theme song happens to be one of those things that has affixed itself to my long term memory indefinitely. I can sing it word for word, and if I ever sink into catatonia, it will probably be the only thing that I will ever be able to vocalize ever again. It’s catchy, and definitely unforgettable, much like the film itself. Matter of fact, it has made it to the elusive realm that one percent of B movies ever make to, that would be cult movie mainstream. That sounds like a bit of an oxymoron. A cult film usually has a devoted, but small following, and is usually notorious for something. Brutal violence, explicit sex, or something that society just isn’t ready for at the time of its release makes it an outlier of populous cinema. Then again, other films are so dang ridiculous in premise that they find the same affection that a really ugly dog does. Its outrageous imperfections just happen to be its endearment. The most recent example I can give is “Sharknado”. What made it that much better than its “Mega Piranha” peer? Maybe because it’s just as farfetched as killer fruit/vegetables (I’m covering my bases on tomato classification just in case. There are a lot of haters on the internet). Sharknado is still going and spawning sequels that don’t stray very far from the source material, but now its unconventional cred gives it the luxury of cameos from the likes of Matt Lauer to Caroline Williams that played Stretch in “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2”. That also lends to a nice lead in to the film I’m here to talk about. After “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, Tobe Hooper decided to use roughly the same ingredients as before, but mixed them up into something more self-aware and tongue in cheek. While I think the sequel to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” is still very much self-aware, it almost had to get more serious than the original. It went in the opposite direction from “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. I’ll give it props however, just like I do “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2”, because the people behind the original classic realized that lightening in a bottle almost never happens twice, and they decided to do something different with the same elements from the original.
“Return of the Killer Tomatoes” begins in the aftermath of the Great Tomato War of the first film, and citizens have sacrificed their love of tomatoes for national security. Although there is still black market tomato trading in back alleys, tomatoes are still public enemy number one. Wilber Finletter is still relishing his hero status as the savior of the first film, and he lives a quiet life as the proprietor of a tomato free pizza parlor, which is supposed to seem ridiculous and ironic, but almost sounds like a solid business plan today. Maybe they were non GMO and gluten free pizzas. His nephew Chad works for him at the pizza parlor, and rooms with a guy named Matt. Chad is a bit shy with the ladies while Matt is a chick magnet. Matt is played by George Clooney fresh from “The Facts of Life”. I’ve come to a conclusion about how I feel about someone mega famous getting their start in a horror classic that might seem beneath them now. If they embrace it as an important stepping stone in their career, and remember it fondly as being a young actor grateful for a break, I can respect that. If they disown it as tripe, even though they were in it, and it inadvertently opened some kind of door for them that led to star status, I cannot help but see them as a little douchy.
I don’t know how Clooney feels about this one, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Going in a different direction is a trope from 80’s horror of 1960’s film and TV icons taking roles in movies that they never would have before if those syndication and royalty deals had been more lucrative. John Astin plays Professor Mortimer Gangreen, an evil genius that has found a way to make tomatoes look like people by dipping them into toxic waste and putting them in a chamber and playing music. Much like the “Puberty Love” song that killed the tomatoes, Gangreen is using music to bring them back. Whatever type of music gets played depends on what the tomatoes turn into to. He happens to create Tara, an attractive tomato replicant that Chad happens to be smitten with. I think Professor Gangreen played a Warrant song when he made her because she’s totally 1980’s hot. Together, with Matt, Chad, his uncle and his old school tomato fighting commandos they square off against Professor Gangreen, and attempt to stop his evil plan, and raise tomato awareness and appreciation, much the way they do every year with sharks during Shark Week. I don’t buy any of it.
I highly recommend “Return of the Killer Tomatoes” because of all the sequels it shines and stands out much the same way as “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2” does amidst all of the other sequels in that series. Matter of fact, I think the Tomato sequels are better than most of the Chainsaw sequels. Arrow recently issued a beautifully restored version with some really nice extras. I can’t recommend Arrow Films enough for bringing films like this back.
For more information on the Arrow Films release of Return of the Killer Tomatoes:
http://www.arrowfilms.co.uk/return-of-the-killer-tomatoes-blu-ray-dvd/#details