By Geno McGahee
I love slasher movies. I love whodunits. When I bought BLOOD RUNS COLD, I assumed that I was looking at a whodunit slasher, but it was a monster movie, which is OK…if it made any sense or explained anything.
Winona (Hanna Oldenburg) is going back home to get away from a stressful job. The house is beaten up and has a rat problem, apparently, and it has a monster problem too. Well, there is a cannibal monster that is living inside the house, has an axe, and has an underground lair. His blood runs cold apparently because whenever he gets hurt, cold snowy air escapes the hole. It made me wonder why he’s wearing clothing. I’m not for naked monsters, but I can’t imagine a being made of frozen flesh that is really of the cold would need to be bundled up. Even though he’s a killer, perhaps he has consideration for others. He doesn’t want anyone getting offended at his cold junk.
At a town bar, Winona runs into an old boyfriend, James (Ralf Beck), and she invites him and his friend, Carl (Andreas Rylander) and his girlfriend, Liz (Elin Hugoson), over to the house. They agree and head over, although they don’t do much when they get there. Carl is a great character with some very funny lines, but he doesn’t replace the lack of a story here. I kept waiting for something to make sense and I’m still waiting and it’s been 10 hours since I’ve seen the movie.
All of Winona’s friends are butchered and now she is one on one with this cold prick. She gets nabbed and is hanging upside down as this monster storms around and chops up other bodies. She gets loose and then battles this guy before she finds a big rock and smashes his head. She found his one weakness. He was shot and chopped up with an ax, but big rocks are the one thing that can stop him.
BLOOD RUNS COLD is shot well and the visuals are very good. The great visuals are the saving grace for this film. I get the impression that the writer/director, Sonny Laguna, is a fan of horror films and had the idea to make a slasher film, but just didn’t understand that horror films are stories too. They’re not just blood and guts with a masked killer, but BLOOD RUNS COLD disagrees. They could make a sequel to this one: BLOOD RUNS COLD 2: THIS TIME WE’LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.
In the end, I reluctantly recommend this film. If you are looking for something to watch where you can just see cool things with no story to follow, you found your movie. You can start watching at any time and it won’t make a difference.
Rating: 5.5/10
