By James Witherspoon
Yo, check this out. This shit is getting out of hand man. Y’all got these EBT warrior, cellar dweller, pajama-wearing, fat ass scum causing all sorts of problems. YA HEARD! Now, we have a woman that was caught pissing on potatoes at Walmart. Really? Really? Nice try lady.
Grace Brown, 20, turned herself in when the social media police began hunting her down. They put her on blast. They got her for some minor charges, but you can’t piss on my spuds. YA HEARD!
This shit went down in Pennsylvania, which should be no shocker. It’s full of inbred hillbilly mother fuckers. I reached out to the police in PA and got Sgt. Myles Willington, a true hero. Blue Lives Matter. YA HEARD!
West Mifflin Police Representative, Sgt. Myles Willington Statement:
“James, first and foremost, you deserved that best writer in the universe award you got. I like to see good people win, unlike the shitheads that we have in PA. Don’t be shocked that you see trash on the news from this state. It’s Pennsylvania. What do you expect? We have all sorts of shit here, like bank robbers and molester creeps and scammers that are also fat and they are sometimes the same person.
Now, I was happy to apprehend Grace Brown after she peed on the potatoes. It’s not big deal. It’s PA. Nothing but human shit stains. When I was transferred here, I could not believe how inbred it was. I need out. And who shops for food at Walmart outside of EBT warriors? Let them eat the piss potatoes. Fuck them.
Finally, James, thank you for your support of the boys in blue. We appreciate it.”
Miles, you da man.
