By James Witherspoon
Yo, check this out. One of my girls, Tiffany, was on stage and was struggling sing her hit “I Think We’re Alone Now” and she forgot the words and sure as hell seemed drunk as hell. Now, I know she put on weight but I like big girls. Now I’m not talking about those pigs on Thousand Pound Sisters. I can’t imagine what their junk smells like. YA HEARD!
TMZ reported Tiffany and showed the video, but unlike those hacks, I made some calls and phoned my LEGENDARY friends to get their thoughts. Below are their thoughts:
“Soul Patrol! I dealt with this same shit when Ruben Studdard came to the set high on Snickers bars, he couldn’t sing either. Now Tiffany might be a big girl now, but I’d still hit it. She made me proud, even though she screwed up here. Soul Patrol!” – Taylor Hicks, American Idol Superstar
“Tiffany, you know it’s true. Ooh, ooh, ooh, you made a boo boo. Don’t blame Tiffany on this one. Blame it on the rain.” — Fab of Milli Vanilli Fame
“That fucking bitch was drunk at my mall back in 1987 when they shot that fucking video. I was trying to get all those people to shop at Bradlees and they were too busy checking out that big sweet rump of Tiffany’s and jacking off in the bathroom, especially that custodian that used to work for me. I’m not shocked one bit that she was drunk again but I blame her one hundred percent for Caldors not meeting sales.” – Eric Merrick, former manager of Fashion Place Mall (Murray, Utah)
