By Geno McGahee
I remember the days of watching FAMILY MATTERS and even BLOSSOM…don’t ask me why. I wasn’t the only one watching those shows. I’ve not seen BLOSSOM since it was on but I did check out FAMILY MATTERS and the laugh track doesn’t help it be funny. What’s odd is that I wasn’t drinking or doing any drugs when I first watched this. I wish I had a valid excuse for watching that show and actually enjoying it at the time. I could lie and say that I watched it for the hot chicks, but I don’t remember many. Urkel’s girlfriend was hot I think…from what I remember (Not Laura). I’ll have to revisit and then you may see an updated version of this review, noting that I did, in fact, watch FAMILY MATTERS for the hot babes. I wanted to do the Urkel with them if you know what I mean.
Stephanie (Mayim Bialik) is in advertising and is ready to move in with her boyfriend, Brian (Gib Gerard). As she plans the move, her incredibly annoying mother calls and demands that she comes home for Christmas. She can’t because she is planning a romantic time with Brian, until he dumps her. I don’t blame him. Blossom is a pain in the ass and just has that complete bitch look. I’ve also seen some of her YouTube videos and I do not blame Brian for running out the door as soon as he can.
So since she was dumped and has nobody to spend the holidays with, Stephanie makes the quick decision to fly home to her parents. Flying home to his girlfriend, Courtney (Trilby Glovers), Michael (Ryan McPartlin), finds himself at the same airport. The two end up in the same line for the same flight and are immediately clashing, mostly due to the bitchiness of Stephanie. Michael is the nicest guy in the world, giving decent cash to the Salvation Army and then giving up his seat to some old dude, Noel Nichols (Brian Doyle-Murray), who has a few surprises up his sleeve. His name is a hint if you can’t figure it out.
Stephanie and Michael end up wedged next to each other on the plane. Michael is doing whatever he can to be nice, but she is not returning it. She is miserable and just lashing out. I’m sure Michael regretted giving up his first class seat to Noel, but he deals with it. Unfortunately for both of them, a major snowstorm forces the plane to land and they get snowed in, in a small town in Montana. At first they think that they are going to be staying at the airport, but Noel hooks them up with a hotel room, together and the hotel is ran by Joe (Reginald VelJohnson) and Marie (Jo Marie Payton). They were both in FAMILY MATTERS. They were Carl and Harriette. I was waiting for that dickhead Urkel to show up.
The animosity continues between the two, but there is some sexual tension. I can see the “I want to fuck Blossom and make Carl Winslow watch” look in Michael’s face. He’s got a few issues with that though. One, Stephanie is very cold. Two, he’s got that hot girlfriend waiting for him and offering him a backrub when he gets in and we all know what that means. Well, it could mean a happy ending. Third, Carl Winslow doesn’t just watch…he will want to join in. At least he seems the sort. I bet he had threesomes with Harriette. They implied it a few times on FAMILY MATTERS. Watch every single episode and prove me wrong.
The Winslows (Fuck it. I have to call them that) join a dance competition at the town Christmas party. It made me think of that dance “Do the Urkel” that that geek did on the show. I wanted to see Carl and Harriette dust off those old dance moves. VelJohnson has always had that physique for dance…if you like the big booty twerkers. Well, I don’t know if they did the Urkel or twerked, but they won and Michael and Stephanie begin to fall for each other. WHAT?!!!! I’m sorry. Michael is not the nice guy I thought he was. He’s got that super hot girl waiting at home and he’s going to go with the complete bitch?! Granted, the ice began to thaw with her, but that won’t last long. If she’s a total bitch on day one, that will come back with a vengeance, and he’s giving up the hot back rubber that was super concerned about him?! Even worse than that, Carl Winslow is advising him to go after Blossom. Mind your fucking business Carl!
Remarkably, Michael gets home and dumps the hot girlfriend and doesn’t even get his back rub. She takes it really well, noting that it will be better for both of them. Maybe Michael didn’t have an A game in the bedroom. Whatever the case, he dumps her and moves on and (Spoiler) makes a love connection with Blossom.
THE FLIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS is pretty good. I like VelJohnson, no matter what he’s in. DIE HARD, FAMILY MATTERS, bad holiday movies….he rules. The cast does a good job overall in this one and Bialik does a good job with her character transition. At the end, I was almost rooting for her to get the dude and give him a fucking backrub. I recommend this one. It was a decent watch.
