By Geno McGahee
The 1970s is my favorite time for film and that holds especially so for horror. There were plenty of drive in flicks and indie films that were just a great deal of fun, even if they weren’t the most polished. After watching THE CURSE OF THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN from 1972, I can say that it’s definitely not polished.
Mark (Marland Proctor) is trying to marry his girlfriend, Brenda (Claudia Reame), but he needs financial security and we know this because there’s a narrator with a Dracula-like voice that explains all parts of the film along the way. I bet they added the narrator after the film was over to put over all of the filler footage they shot.
I actually don’t think that this film had a real screenplay. A lot of the film seems to be scenes just thrown together with bad jokes mixed in. They must have had the great location, the idea of a headless horseman and then threw in hippies and figured it all work out in the end, no matter what. When they were cutting the film, they probably looked at each other and said “we need a fucking narrator or something.”
Uncle Callahan owns a big ranch and leaves it to Mark with the condition that he has to have it turn a profit after six months or it goes to the caretaker, Solomon (B.G. Fisher). Upon arriving at the ranch, Mark realizes that it is unlikely to make money and is ready to throw in the towel, but the group of hippies that want to live there are willing to work and make the place work.
As the group rallies, Solomon comes in to tell the story of the headless horseman and does it in incredibly dramatic fashion. He basically yells the entire story and has a really strange voice that sounds like he has gargled with a vibrator. What the fuck was he doing to Uncle Callahan to be next in line after his nephew to get the ranch? I’m guessing Solomon can suck a bowling ball through a garden hose.
For advertising a headless horseman, we don’t get much of it early on. Reggie wants to sleep under the stars and gets blood thrown on him by a laughing guy on a horse. I wish the guy on the horse said “get a job you hippy!” That would be hilarious and would make this film better. It needed the help! Reggie would then get shot by accident by Sandy (Ray Saniger) who could not say a line without flubbing it. He fucked up EVERY line. Why did they even give him a speaking role?
Despite only having one tourist after launch, Mark is convinced it will work. He proposes to Brenda and she agrees to getting married at the ranch. This is when we get to see the headless horseman for the first time and he has a horse and he is carrying a severed head. He chases down a girl, throws blood on her face and then does nothing else. She runs into oncoming traffic and gets killed. That’s not really one in the kill count for the horseman. He has stained some clothing of a few hippies, but other than that, he’s not been too menacing.
John (Don Carrara) finds gold on the land and then tries to bang a girl, but she throws him down and he bumps his head. I think he slipped her some drugs too because she starts tripping out. She runs into the horseman and he laughs and throws more blood. What sort of horror villain doesn’t kill anyone? Apparently, she died of a drug overdose. I know because the narrator stated it and we learn that she was given acid by John.
The group gets together and plans to take out the horseman. They unmask him Scooby Doo style and it turns out to be John, but it doesn’t make any sense. We find out later that he’s not the real horseman … we soon get treated to the best part of the film.
SPOILERS
In a strange twist, Mark turns out to be the killer or the blood thrower. He goes on this incredible rant about how he knows there’s gold and that he waited all this time for his uncle to die. He shoots one of his friends and hauls ass, shooting frantically. It’s hilarious. I began to forget how much this movie sucked up to this point.
Stanley tries to reason with Mark, approaching him, saying “I’m your friend” and he gets shot for his troubles. He turns to the camera in pain and says “he killed me,” leading to the worst actor in the film, Sandy, killing Mark and leading the narrator to say that Mark rides with the horseman now and it will happen again…and again…and again…and again…
THE CURSE OF THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN is terrible, but it redeems itself in the end. If you don’t mind sitting through an hour of pure shit to get to ten minutes of pure heaven, then you’ll love this. You YouTube generation that need it now won’t like this I bet. You damn hippy kids. I may be an old timer, but I believe the ending was worth the wait. Even though I hated 90% of it, I am recommending it on the 10% that rocked.
