By Geno McGahee
I really liked THE CONJURING and THE CONJURING 2. Considering that the second was a better film than the first, I was really interested in seeing this latest entry, but I had my reservations. What’s being called “THE CONJURING UNIVERSE” has some good films and some not so good films. THE NUN was complete shit. THE CURSE OF LA LLORONA wasn’t good. So, this third entry could go either way.
We begin with the Warrens, Ed (Patrick Wilson) and his wife, Lorraine (Vera Farmiga), and they are once again hip deep in demonic territory. The current problem is a possessed child, David (Julian Hilliard), and they are getting ready to get the exorcism on, but it doesn’t go as planned. I immediately have to give this film credit. It knows how to create suspense and atmosphere, but, why all the bad CGI demons and special effects? It’s like they have two different people editing this. One is superb and one wants to turn it into a Resident Evil video game.
During the exorcism, Arne (Ruairi O’Connor), grabs David and demands that the demon enters his body. Demons are pretty reasonable and take him up on the offer, but they sort of let that go. There’s the assumption that the demon has taken off and will not be a problem anymore, but, sadly, that is not the case. Arne is pretty fucked and begins to get haunted by the demon. At one point he drops a chainsaw and it almost cuts a guy’s dick off. Maybe not. If the guy walked faster, there was a chance it could have gotten him in the crotch.
As time goes on, Arne gets worse and kills his annoying landlord/co-worker/whatever he is, Bruno (Ronnie Gene Blevins). The demon tricks Arne into thinking Bruno is something demonic and Arne hands him his ass with a knife and now he’s fucked and will be going to the chair as a murderer. He will also feel the wrath of Bubba in the cell if Ed and Lorraine can’t find a way to prove that he is innocent. As the title indicates, the devil made him do it.
During this time, Ed has been suffering from heart issues. That little shit, David, gave him a heart attack and he’s been pretty fucked ever since. He has forged on with his wife to try to save Arne in his court case where he pleaded “not guilty by reasons of demonic possession.” You don’t hear that every day. This was “based on a true story” but fuck, I think they may have made some of this stuff up.
I don’t know if the filmmakers understand what scares an audience. The first two films were pretty good and had some scares, but this one has this idea that if the CGI demons twitch a lot, people shit their pants. Maybe it is scary to some, but it really took me out of the film and what bothered me the most was the CGI fat fuck that showed up twice. While the duo were investigating, they go to a morgue and there’s this big fat fuck lying on the table, dead. The demonic force brings him to life and it’s so bad. I was happy when it was over. First, he looked really really fake, but secondly, it wasn’t remotely scary. To make matters worse, they bring him back a second time. I hope he’s not part of the universe in any other film.
A new character called “The Occultist”, played by Eugenie Bondurant, is causing all the problems and now Ed and Lorraine must battle her and save Arne, but also save Ed. Ed has been tainted by the demon and mistook his wife for that big fat demon thing that we saw twice. He is now part of this curse thing and to save everyone, that damn Occultist must have her ass handed to her.
THE CONJURING: THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT is, by far, the weakest of the 3 entries in this branch of the universe. It’s better than THE NUN and THE CURSE OF LA LLORONA, but it’s all over the place. At times, there is great suspense and incredible dialogue. At other times, it’s laughingly bad. The film just didn’t hold together very well and the focus wasn’t there. The CGI is bad. I’m sorry to bring up the fat CGI guy again, but I see fat guys every day and the role wasn’t demanding. They could have hired one of them and painted him up like a corpse and it would have been way more impactful.
I guess I recommend THE CONJURING: THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT, but not by much. It’s worth a watch, but not worth many scares.
