By Melissa Antoinette Garza
Pretentious professor Ted Swenson (Stanley Tucci)begins this flick by narrating about how horrible his students are. He hates their ideas and suggestions. I love Tucci, but the character reminds me of a douchebag teach that I actually had so I loathe Ted. I despise his almost shaven facial hair, I hate his don’t notice me/notice me top brand glasses and I hate the stupid, perfectly groomed part of his salt & pepper hair. Fuck that guy! If this was a slasher, he’d already be dead.
Here, we have a slow kill of his soul instead. Hey, whatever gets the job done.
As generic, middle-age, upper-class intellectual as Ted is, he does have a spectacular wife. Sherrie (Kyra Sedwick) is supportive, works hard, is playful and is damn sexy. She’s far more appealing than Ted, but is Ted happy? Noooo.….dipshit Ted is going to ruin his life and then want everyone’s sympathy after the wreckage. Nope. Fuck that guy. Fuck Ted.
The catalyst for the damage is student minx Angela Argo (Addison Timlin). She’s playing the innocent, naive pupil that Sting would have loved to have in class. Any woman would see what she’s doing. I respect her. I like her. She’s playing a dude who prides himself on being the smartest guy in the room, but is immediately led around by his dick into destruction. He’s a dummy. He’s a well-read dummy. As certain as he’d whip her in Jeopardy!, she’d have his winnings in her pocket by the end of the night just by batting her pretty little eyes. Most gals hate this type of chick. It’s because she’s a total fem, but using a masculine method of seduction. It’s intimidating to many and infuriating to those who live in envy.
Angela asks Ted to read her attempt at a novel. It’s a sexy little story about a student fawning over their teacher. It gets Ted off and Angela plays mesmerized fan which builds the prof’s ego.
At a small wine soiree, Ted is asked by his colleagues and friends what his new writing project is. Not happy with his current project, he steals Angela’s idea and claims it as his own. He gets further in reading her work and the chapters get steamier. He begins having very vivid fantasies about her work. The two begin flirting in class while poor Sherrie suspects nothing!
In one chapter, Angela actually details the way he and Sherrie met. He finds it confusing and doesn’t understand why she put it in there or how she knew. He asks, but her answer is ambiguous. He doesn’t push as she still floods him with attention.
He catches her in numerous lies and still Smarty Pants Swenson lets it slide because Angela is just so delicious. Dude, you get what you deserve! Screw you, guy. I hope someone chokes you with your stupid silk ascot! I’m sorry. The ascot is actually nice. Ted’s the prick – not the ascot.
Angela going for broke asks Ted for a ride to get a laptop. He initially plays a good boy and says ‘no’ – for like 2 minutes. He then immediately caves and drives her to get it. She then invites him up to watch her set up her computer – yeah, because that’s normal, teach!
The two fuck and the professor loses a filling during it. When he comes home he feels guilty when Sherrie starts caring for his tooth. He should. He’s a dick. When Angela starts berating other students, he stands up for her. When her work is called out by the class, he defends her and trashes his other students. He sells out everyone and then is upset when no one has his back.
Angela pressures Ted to bring her erotica to his editor. He’s happy for the distraction as he has writer’s block and hasn’t gotten anywhere in his own book. The editor refuses to look at her work and instantly guesses that he’s fucking the student.
When Angela finds out that he can’t help her with her novel, she threatens to sue the school for sexual harassment. Their affair is disclosed to the world and Angela takes full advantage of the notoriety.
This leaves Ted’s life and marriage in shambles and good – fuck Ted. In the best scene of the flick, Sherrie finds out the truth and literally destroys the pathetic coward scumbag with some vicious truths. I love it. I love her. Once again, fuck Ted.
Overall, I enjoyed this flick. It was a bit slow in some spots and sometimes uses a tone a little too sympathetic for Ted, but it is still a great watch. If you have STARZ, give this a go.
Scared Stiff Rating: 6.5/10
