By Geno McGahee
You’d think that buying a side dish at Ocean State Job Lot would end well, but sorry to say that the Sophia Italian Four Cheese Risotto failed to live up to expectations. I love rice and I like the Knorr Selects Risotto and even found a good Risotto at Wal-Mart that they called “Sam’s Choice.” I wonder if Sam had the choice between that one and Sophia’s. If that’s the case, good choice Sam.
When I opened the box, it looked like Sam’s Choice and was pretty confident that my chicken would have a good partner in this risotto dish. I was ready to call Ocean State Job Lot and put in my order for a truck load of it to be brought to my house. I’m glad I didn’t.
So, I prepped it exactly as they said I should. I fought my instincts to add the butter with the water and to not add milk to it. I did it as they suggested and then watched as it thickened up and looked the part. Sophia got that shit down. I’ll give her that. It looked the way that it should have.
I added the parmesan cheese (not bought at Job Lot) as instructed and sat down for a nice feast, but damn, Sophia fucked this shit up. It really didn’t have much of a taste and was really pasty with a bad aftertaste. This shit is not Geno’s Choice for sure. I decided to try a few more spoonfuls of it to see if that would change, but it didn’t. This stuff sucks and I bought two fucking boxes. Is a box of Sophia’s Four Cheese Risotto a good Christmas gift for somebody? I hope so. Some unlucky pecker is going to get it. You’ll know I like you the least if you get a wrapped gift with the risotto and the shitty wine that I’ve had in my wine rack for the past year. I hate when people buy me cheap shit wine.
Overall, if there is no other Risotto in the entire world, try out Sophia’s. Otherwise, just say no. I’m still trying to get the pasty feeling off my tongue. It feels like I was tonguing Elmer (Of Elmer’s glue). At least I had good chicken.
