By Geno McGahee
“Your move creep.” – Robocop (Peter Weller)
I was 13 years old when I first saw the trailer to the movie “ROBOCOP.” Why don’t they make movies like this anymore? I just bought the triple pack DVD set with all three entries in this series for only eight bucks. How can you beat that?
This movie takes place in the future and the crime rate has gone up to record numbers. The cops are losing their lives left and right and there is no cure in sight to make the world a better place. Transferred into Detroit, the very troubled city in question in this film, is Murphy (Peter Weller), and is teamed up with badass female cop, Anne Lewis (Nancy Allen).
As the police try to take back the streets, a large corporation has signed a contract with the city to bring in their own force to help fight the crime. They have the “Ed 209,” a giant robot that doesn’t take shit from anyone and is being pushed heavily by Dick Jones (Ronny Cox). Isn’t it weird to have a guy named “Cox” playing a guy named “Dick?” Just a thought.
Jones has a demonstration for the old bastard that owns the company, bringing in the Ed 209 into a large board meeting. He asks that one of the suits at the meeting pick up a gun and approach the robot and he does. Ed 209 demands that he drops the weapon and he tosses it to the ground. “You have 15 seconds to drop the weapon,” Ed 209 states, even though the man is unarmed. Ed 209 blows the guy away. It is so over the top, you have to love it. The guy gets shot about ten dozen times by machine guns on the arms of this large robot. The demonstration was a failure and the boss wasn’t sold on the Ed 209, but there was something called the “Robocop Project,” led by Robert Morton (Miguel Ferrer), and he promises that nothing like this would happen with his project. Of course, Dick Jones is not going to go without a fight.
With the police force on near strike and Detroit belonging to the criminals, Murphy and Lewis cannot get back up when they arrive at an old factory to arrest some bank robbers. Foolishly, they enter and Lewis is knocked out and then Murphy dies a horrible death. It is another example of 1980’s excess. He gets shot by four guys continuously as he stands there and screams his lungs out. It’s hilarious. I love this shit. Why don’t they put this in more movies? I would like those horrible musicals that my wife watches if they had people blown away like this.
Now although Murphy was shot in the chest ten dozen times and then short point blank directly in the head, they still rush him to the hospital and try to save his life. The guy is dead people! Nobody can take that amount of gunfire and survive…but there is one hope called the “Robocop Project.” Yes, Murphy will be the first Robocop and will soon be taking care of the trash on the street.
The general idea of Robocop is a good one, but how long would it be for one of these cyborgs to become corrupt and power mad? Can’t you just imagine Robocop pulling you over on the highway going 65 in a 55 and saying: “You were speeding creep.”? I understand arresting people and getting the criminal element off the street, but come on, do you really have to insult them like that? Robocop would be a problem for regular citizens in my opinion.
One of the coolest scenes is when Robocop is first brought into the police station. It is done very well and it’s exciting. It’s not cream your pants exciting, but as far as 1980’s action films go, it’s right up there. When Robocop shows his shooting ability, it gets the attention of all, especially Lewis, who can’t help but notice a resemblance to her dead partner Murphy.
Robocop begins cleaning up the city, stopping a robbery at a convenient store and a rape. He actually shoots a rapist right in the crotch. The rapist had the look on his face that just screamed: “I hope that they can make me a robocock.” He needed one.
One of my favorite things is when he punches a guy that has a bunch of hostages so hard that he is launched out of a forth floor window. Some may call this movie “senseless violence,” and so what. Why do so many people find the need to piss on my parade? I like senseless violence, especially when done by a robot…or half robot. Do you think they kept his junk? I mean, Murphy never got shot in the junk…and wouldn’t you want Robocop to have the power to have sex with things? I would…if I were an inventor of robots.
Dick Jones and Robert Morton continue to argue. They have a great argument in the men’s room at work, where Morton is overheard insulting Jones…something that he does not take lightly. He approaches Morton and says that he used to call the boss “Boner,” so he knows how it is to be young and rebellious, but he never crossed the line like Morton did. I guess that Jones would have been perfectly fine if Morton called him “boner” all the time…but he cost him millions of dollars by convincing the boss to go with Robocop over Ed 209.
Now although Robocop is mostly robot, he still has Murphy’s brain and his memories and feelings and all that junk. He only has bits and pieces of who he was but he is trying to put it together, which is bad news for Morton. If this program shows flaws, it could be scrapped too. He can’t let this boner fuck it up.
One of the goons that killed Murphy is played by Ray Wise. Wise was outstanding in the horror movie DEAD END and he is great as Leon C. Nash in ROBOCOP. Wise does a great job kicking Robocop in the steel balls and then screaming when he breaks his foot doing so. You don’t kick a robot in the balls. EVERYONE knows that.
The lead goon, Clarence J. Boddicker (Kurtwood Smith) has one of the best lines of the movie when he screams at Robocop: “Cocksucker, I work for Dick Jones!” I want to say that to somebody. Maybe I can get one of those jobs where you drive elderly people around to the mall and so forth and then one day, just yell at one of them: “Cocksucker, I work for Dick Jones!” That would be hilarious.
The showdown between Robocop and Ed 209 takes place and it’s a great war. I especially love the part when the Ed 209 falls down the stairs and ends up on his back, helpless, and making noises like it’s a robot baby. You get the sense that the human side of Robocop wanted to walk over and give him a hug and say: “It’ll be OK baby robot. I love you.”
ROBOCOP is a fantastic movie with a great ending. It doesn’t try to be something other than what it is. It is a violent fun movie with lots of bad guys getting thrown through walls and windows. It’s as over the top as you can get and I loved it from start to finish.
ROBOCOP is a winner….a can’t loser…a great film that I loved when I was 13 and I love now. Cocksucker, I work for Dick Jones.
Rating: 8/10. It’s a good movie, Creep!
