By Melissa Antoinette Garza
For my 40th birthday, I went to see READY OR NOT (2019). I was pretty fucking drunk. I hit this Mexican spot called Frontera Grill, had some margaritas and then I was off to the show!
I was really looking forward to this flick and feared my expectations were too high. Thankfully, I had nothing to be afraid of. This movie was fan-fucking-tastic!
READY OR NOT opens on Grace’s (Samara Weaving) wedding day to Alex Le Domas (Mark O’Brien). The Le Domas family is wealthy and very weird. Grace is determined to make nice with them as she was raised in foster homes and is desperate to feel as though she’s part of a real family. Alex didn’t even want to get married, but he did it to make her happy….even though it could kill her. Fuck Alex!
After the ceremony, Grace is told that she has to choose a card that has the name of a specific game on it. The Le Domas dynasty was built on games they produced. Think of them like an illuminati Milton Bradley or Hasbro. Grace is happy to jump in and play, but Alex isn’t happy about it. Grace doesn’t know the game is a ritual and the card she chooses could be her death sentence.
The Le Domas family believes that the ghost responsible for the family’s wealth demands that they murder a newcomer into the family when the Hide-and-Seek card is chosen from the deck. If they fail, the entire family will perish. As long as she doesn’t choose the Hide-and-Seek card, she’s all set. It’s just a regular ol’ game of checkers or chess. Of course, we all know which card she picks.
At first, Grace thinks all she has to do is hide so she chucks herself in a dumbwaiter. She gets bored and is ready to be purposely found when Alex jumps her from behind and pulls her into a secret pathway behind the walls. He tells her that his fam are planning to murder her by dawn after performing a satanic ritual on her.
He goes to shut down security on the house so the doors open allowing her to leave as she begins attempting a getaway. Of course, the family finds her and it’s a cat & mouse game thru the majority of the flick – but it’s so much fun. It’s like CLUE (1985) on crack.
Now truth-be-told, I fucking hated Alex. I told my sister. “That guy is a dipshit!” I wanted Grace with Alex’s brother Daniel (Adam Brody). Dan is a drunk, but he’s got a conscience. He hates his family, but considers himself too weak to stand up to them. His father Tony (Henry Czerny) treats him like a black sheep. His mother Becky (Andie MacDowell) isn’t all that much better as she dotes on Alex and initially compliments the fuck out of Grace, while treating poor Dan like shit. Imma want to hug Daniel!
Also, Daniel’s wife is a cunt. Her name is Charity (Elyse Levesque) and she’s only with Dan for the money. Grace doesn’t care about the Le Domas green. It intimidates the fuck out of her. She just wants to have a family connection. Grace is a good person…and she’s gorgeous! RAWR RAWR
Charity looks good on the outside but she’s wicked on the inside. She’s ready to murder Grace just because she grew up hard and without money. She’s so desperate to hold onto the rocks that she got, that she forgot how to be Charity from the block. I hate Charity – and so does Daniel.
Why couldn’t Daniel and Grace be together? She’s smart, kind, sexy and blonde. RAWR RAWR He’s broken, but a decent person. He’s also super fine and sort of goes hero rescuer when the chips are down. He’s not always rescuing the damsel-in-distress, but he never REALLY tries to kill her. He lets her go and in the end is a man with an amazing heart! Fuck Alex. Fuck Charity. Daniel is my boy! Imma love him.
In the end, there’s a magnificent showdown between the family and Grace that is hilariously gory and fabulously insane.
This film was so much goddamn fun! When I told my bro about it, he said “the trailer made it look too artsy.” He thought it was going to be pretentious. I can assure you all that it is NOT pretentious. It is over-the-top and crazy. It’s like CABIN IN THE WOODS (2012) meets SHAUN OF THE DEAD (2004) with a little bit of an evil version of THE ADDAMS FAMILY (1964) thrown in. It’s a bunch of my favorite things combined and I loved it! I want to see it again!
First, Weaving is fabulous as our brilliant protagonist, our sexy heroine and our Goddess femme warrior who rocks, rolls and rumbles without missing a beat. I love her!
Everyone did fabulous in their roles. Nicky Guadagni cracked me as Aunt Helene. The looks on her face and the absolute evil that corrupted her every move is so much fun to watch. She’s a cartoon villain and has a dark history that explains why.
Andie MacDowell also kicked ass as mommy. Becky has a fem nurturing side, but she’s psychotic and the way her motherly instinct kicks in is beyond bizarre. Much of it is out of self-preservation and family honor, but the illogical rationale of Becky when confronting Grace is hilarious. She’s offended that Grace is fighting for her life so successfully and the fight between the two is hilariously bonkers.
Not only the women shined in the flick though. The boyz brought their A game too. O’Brien did great as Alex. There’s a lot of foreshadowing going on with his character. Conversations when Alex is tied to the bed and near unconscious are far more significant than they appear. Alex’s mindset and his subtle ambiguous demeanor are necessary and O’Brien does give these minor nods to the camera that make for some great plot point connections later on. I won’t reveal them because I’d spoil shit, but just pay attention.
Henry Czerny made me laugh throughout. He portrayed Tony as a spineless and cowardly patriarch. He’d pretend to be alpha, but the moment anything went south, he’d become a bitch. It was Becky and Helene who had to roll up their sleeves and get things done.
Lastly, Adam Brody as poor Daniel was my favorite. Brody showed such a soft and human side to Dan. Up against all these essential cartoon characters, that heart meant all the much more. It’s impossible not to root for Daniel. Screw his wife. Screw the rest of his family, but Daniel is a good boy who just saw some crazy ass nonsense when he was a kid. He needs a hug! Imma want to hug him.
So yeah, to summarize: I’m 40! Happy Birthday to me. I saw READY OR NOT. I loved it. You should probably go see it too.
Scared Stiff Reviews: 8/10
