By Melissa Antoinette Garza
I have been a fan of pro-wrestling since I can remember. Rowdy Roddy Piper, Cowboy Bob Orton, Bobby Heenan, Dusty Rhodes, Adrian Street and the Fabulous Freebirds are among my favorites of all time. Old school WWF/WWE and WCW wrestling reeled me in before I could talk, and I always was on the side of the heels.
As most true wrestling fans know, WWE sucks now. It is so bad. The McMahon clan lost the artistry of the sport. Hell, they don’t even consider it a sport anymore. I didn’t want to stop watching them. They forced me out with non-existent story-lines, repetitious promos that lacked any originality and a lack of character development for their superstars. They have amazing talent. They’re just constantly screwed over, put on the back-burner and forced into horrendous plots that never go anywhere.
AEW, the new boyz making waves, definitely are on the ball and delivering that old school feel with a modern edge that appeals to the pro-wrestling purists. That said, they’re not the only cats in town – well at least not the only cats in MY town.
PVP (Pioneer Valley Pro-wrestling) is where it is at! Nearly every month, these phenomenal athletes grace the stage locally and put on a tremendous show that puts to shame any WWE pay-per-view in the last twenty years. They typically perform at the Eastfield Mall in Springfield MA, so come out here and check this shit out!
Last night, I had the great privilege to spend just $15.00 and get third row seats at an approximately 4 hour event that culminated in a 20-man battle royal event. Eat that, Vince McMahon, you old, out-of-touch, prick!
God damn, was the action exciting – and so was seeing all the athletes in their sexy revealing gear. They got some HAWT ass mofos working for them. RAWR RAWR RAWR
I’ve been following this federation for a minute, so I know the stories they have going on and they’re all fun and fabulous.
My favorite personality in the entire federation is Alex Cypher! Oh God, how I love his character! Combine early-NWO Eric Bischoff with a bit of Bobby “The Brain” Heenan and you’ll have an idea as to who Mr. Alex Cypher is. He’s the commissioner of PVP wrestling, and in my opinion he does a damn good job. He’s hilarious, and he needs to put out a shirt that I can buy!
Cypher has an ongoing feud with this clown named Wrecking Ball. Everyone loves Wrecking Ball. I don’t! He’s not a company man. Cypher asked him to do one thing so his boy Dexter could keep his belt without issue, and Wrecking Ball refused. Where is the gratitude? He’s a selfish brute, that one!
Wrecking Ball was in two matches, including the rumble at the end. Cypher does confront him and Wrecking ball nearly strangles poor Cypher. I hope the federation fined him for that! Cypher was doing NOTHING to provoke that. Okay…maybe he did. HA!
Now Alex’s boy, Dexter Loux is fabulous too. He’s comes out to Pink Floyd’s Money and he’s the motherfucking champ! He also totes won that belt, fair and square. I swear it! Fight me, bro! I was there and it was fair and square (mostly). Yesterday, some crazed violent nut-jobs (or possibly, they were just small children) got in his face and he had no choice but to respond to the attacks. I fucking love that cat!
He fought against Bobby Ocean who lost the match but got a standing-o because of his performance. The whole fight was splendid and both men gave their fucking all. That’s what’s great about indies, and why I respect these guys so much. They’re not making the big bucks, but put everything they got into working a magnificent show – and they succeed every fucking time! As much as I was rooting for Dexter – because I love my heels – Ocean’s got some mad charisma. I could see him being the straight-man in a fraction like The Four Horsemen, with an almost Arn Anderson approach.
Now, I was disappointed in one dude last night. I typically root for Mass Appeal (Travis Jailett). Those that disliked him called him “Ass Appeal” which I didn’t really get. He does have an appealing ass. The shape and size is a splendid one, but I don’t know why they thought this was insulting. That said, he bitched out on his poor trainer H2O Ryan Waters, yesterday!
He was in a handicap match against Nico Silva. Waters was getting pissed off at Jailett’s failure to take down Silva and he was admittedly showing Mass Appeal some tough love. Travis couldn’t take it. He turned on his trainer and let Nico get the pin. Unprofessional, if you ask me! Poor Waters needed help from the ref to get backstage after that beating. I can no longer put my support behind Mass Appeal, regardless of how appealing his ass is. Sorry, I root for loyalty….and for anyone who is a heel. Imma love my heels!
Speaking of heels, tag team champs, former UFC Fighter Chuck “Cold Steel” O’Neil and “The American Sumo” Mike Gamble, rock & rolled their way to victory against Heck Dynamite and “The Strategist” Nephtali Rodriguez. All four of these men get a strong crowd reaction which is totally merited. Though a heel, American Sumo definitely has his fans, but his partner Chuck isn’t as lucky. Chuck is a master in the ring, but still gets booed by the peeps in the crowd. I cheer for him though. He’s terrific! The match was tremendous and one of the best showings of the entire night. It’s hard to say which performer was the greatest as they all give 110% and make each moment and move memorable.
One of the most memorable wrestlers is a kid named Brett Ryan Gosselin. I say kid, because he has to be like 18 or 19 years old but the dude is phenomenal. The whole crowd taunts him with cheers of “Justin Bieber’ which is by far their best chant. At last month’s event Brett was tagged with “Smart” Mark Sterling, who is one of the greatest wrestlers today in ANY federation, and even Mark got in on the “Justin Bieber” chant. Brett can’t even escape the jeers from his own partner! It’s fucking hilarious. Sadly, Smart Mark wasn’t there yesterday. He’s great. He’s the Women’s Champion right now because it’s 2019 and he’s fighting sexism by fighting women. I love that dude. I have his shirt. I wear it everywhere. Both him and Alex Cypher are beyond great and keep me in hysterics every time I think of them.
Brett also cracks me the fuck up. He lost three times last night and twice was in the battle royal/rumble. The rumble losses were so funny. He watched as one wrestler got tossed out within seconds of entering and on his way to the ring, he taunted and laughed at the dude. Then, he had the exact same fate – not once, but twice. He was allotted an extra spot in the rumble and lost the same way. He’s great. He’s fucking great! He wears his unjustified arrogance like a pro. He’s silly. The character is perfection. I hope Brett keeps it as long as he can because he pulls it off wonderfully and cracks me up every time. He reminds me a bit of “Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig, but owns the character and adds so much originality to it.
There are so many other amazing guys that gave their all last night, and do so at every performance. Whether watching Slade, Logan Black, Robo or really any of the superstars that performed, you can’t help but be amazed. The agility, talent, strength, charisma and overall ability of these athletes is unsurpassed. They are experts in their craft. AEW should definitely send scouts over to pioneer valley as these men would bring a level of rawness and energy to mainstream wrestling that is needed. I’d say WWE should bring scouts, but the PVP roster deserves so much better than WWE.
If you are local, go and check these cats out. Also, don’t be a douche-bag and stand on the sidelines without paying because I will be an asshole to you. They only charge $15 to get in, and these performers set up, fight like warriors, and then take everything down. They have a very long and a ridiculously hard night. Don’t take the little they ask for. Have some class. That said, most of the peeps happily pay and have a great fucking time. It’s just the thieves that don’t give a shit and have no shame that piss me off.
In conclusion, Alex Cypher is the fucking man and all you cats know it!
Correction: Brett Ryan Gosselin is actually 21 years old. I never said I was a good journalist…or a journalist at all. He’s awesome at any age though.
