By James Witherspoon
Yo, check this out. My boy, Dog The Bounty Hunter, was just put on blast by those keyboard warrior, soy boy, cellar-dwelling, EBT-toting scum out there. They said he killed himself and he would never do that. When I read those headlines, I was shocked. My god, imagine if his family saw those headlines. They’d be devastated. So, I pulled over and gave my boy a call and he told me that he is alive and well and is still hunting down scumbags…mostly soy boys.
Now, since Dog is a reality star, I needed the opinion of a reality star and caught up with my boy, Taylor Hicks of AMERICAN IDOL fame and he had some interesting insight…
“James, first, you are the best writer of all time. You are my idol. Let me tell you something. I know what Dog is going through. They put you on blast and then blast it up your ass and you feel like Ruben Studdard’s fat ass is sitting on your face. These soy boys out there that are living in their mommy’s basement are jealous trolls that put stars like me on blast and they are the reason why I’m not a bigger star. SOUL PATROL! Remember that? Yeah, I was meant for so much more but they give that slob, Kelly Clarkson, the limelight. That does NOT make me proud. Well, James, please look out for Dog and put those haters on blast. SOUL PATROL!”
You got it my man.
(Note: Comments may not be those of Taylor Hicks.)
