By James Witherspoon
Yo, check this out. I just got word that my friend, the LEGENDARY, Noah Munck, known for playing Gibby on iCarly had died. Really? Really? Nice try fella. I picked up my cell phone and gave him a call and he was furious. It was one of those soy boy, cellar dweller, EBT warrior, Beta men that type away in their mom’s basement. They all need to be put on blast. YA HEARD!
I caught up with some of the biggest names in the world and got their thoughts on this matter. First, let’s hear from my boy, AMERICAN IDOL winner, Taylor Hicks.
“SOUL PATROL! Hearing that Noah Munck was put on blast like this did NOT make me proud. I’ve not been this irritated since I had to hear that idiot shit head fucktard William Hung sing ‘She Bangs’. SOUL PATROL! Now, I don’t think that ANYONE can deny that Gibby was trending at one time. OK, maybe not. Fuck you. I liked Gibby.”
Nickelodeon molester and total scumbag, Dan Schneider was not happy about this and came forward to defend one of his most beloved characters as well…
“They say that the worst molesters are fat pigs, but what about Jared Fogle? He’s not a fat pig like me. Oh, wait, he was. So, I guess it’s true and they railroaded me like a pig led to slaughter. I made iCarly and I don’t like what they did to Gibby. One final note. I may be as guilty as Jared Fogle, but at least I’m not sucking prison dick like he is. Winning as that walking STD Charlie Sheen would say.”
Finally, I caught up with Tyrone of the Backyardigans, one of Nickelodeon’s most popular shows.
“Dan Schneider grabbed my cartoon bulge. He needs to suck prison dick.”
(Note: Comments above may not actual quotes from listed celebrities.)
