By Geno McGahee
In 1989, NO HOLDS BARRED was released and was an epic and timeless film, proving that Hulk Hogan can entertain and be an action star. The film basically broke even, but Hogan was still a name and the film business still saw potential in the Hulkster to make some money at the box office.
In 1993, MR. NANNY was released on a 10 million dollar budget, but it would bomb with a return of only 4.3 million. The idea was simple and seemed like a good idea. Hulk Hogan meets HOME ALONE. Considering just how much HOME ALONE and HOME ALONE 2 made, if MR. NANNY could get just a portion of that, they’d easily make a profit.
Sean Armstrong (Hogan) is a former pro wrestler that is retired and has visions that include Ed Leslie (AKA – Brutus Beefcake) attacking him. You can’t have any worse nightmares than that. If Hogan is involved in something, you know he’s roping in Leslie, one of the most untalented people to ever exist. I don’t know why I was so immediately annoyed by just seeing Leslie…it was probably remembering that fucking Booty Man gimmick of his.
Burt (Sherman Hemsley), Sean’s former manager, shows up and convinces him to take a job as a bodyguard. Because this is Hogan and we need some action elements, security guards start shit with Sean. Security guards are never treated well in films and these guards immediately look to get aggressive with Sean. Part of the problem with this film immediately is Hogan’s delivery though. They gave him some decent action lines, but Hogan just doesn’t deliver it very well. I guess it all works out though because about ten security guards have their asses handed to them.
The job that Sean’s been assigned is to guard the young children of Alex Mason SR (Austin Pendleton). Alex JR (Robert Hy Gorman) and Kate (Madeline Zima) are two troublemaking youngsters that have definitely seen HOME ALONE about ten thousand times. When Sean arrives at the home, he is immediately greeted by painful traps, including a bowling ball crashing into his head from the ceiling. That should have killed him. That should have been the end of the movie. Ten minutes in, bowling ball hits, Sean dies, kids get arrested, the end. They could have cut 8 million off the budget that way. They did save money on this film by having Sherman Hemsley do the soundtrack, but I don’t think there were any hit singles that came out of it.
One of the highlights of the film is the character, Thanatos (David Johansen). He is a bad guy that likes to be a bad guy and desperately wants his hands on some technology that Mason, SR., has created. He is willing to do whatever it takes to get it, including hurting the kids.
Sean keeps encountering the traps and most of them are very unfunny, but they do set his exercise bike to 20 minutes at 90 miles per hour. That was actually a pretty funny scene, but most of the attempts at humor are misses.
The children try to murder Sean again by electrocuting him and messing with his weight set, but because he is enduring the punishment, the kids start coming around. Sean notices that Mason SR isn’t paying much attention to his children and they are desperately looking for it.
One character I could live without is Corinne (Mother Love). Mother Love cannot act and she’s very annoying. For some reason, she calls Hogan “pucker butt.” I have no idea what she meant by that, but that’s the only good thing she brought to the film.
Sean works out and looks in the mirror when he does. Does that make a better workout? I mean, I’ve never looked in the mirror when I lift weights, but I’m gonna start. It just seems really strange.
The kids get the father figure they want out of Sean. He fills in, being comforting to Kate and a big brother to Sean, showing him how to fight. I swear there is a good movie in here somewhere. I know why they cast Hogan, but if this film had a better action star that could act and deliver better, the jokes that continue to miss would land. The supporting cast is very good for the most part though and they do rather well in their roles.
The awesome Thanatos and his goons kidnap Mason SR to force him to give him the chip that he wants. We also get the best scene in the film with a flashback where Thanatos has a huge perm and is a wrestling promoter. He is furious that Sean didn’t throw a match and when they insult his hair, he gets even madder and pulls out a gun and fires. Burt jumps in front of the bullet and gets shot in the leg but had he not taken the bullet, Sean would have got shot in the crotch. That would have made a different film for sure, but a film about Hogan seeking revenge against the man that shot off his dick would be tremendous.
Why didn’t they have Thanatos in this entire film? I can’t David Johansen enough credit for his performance in this. He is hilarious and when he talks about his hair that he lost, it’s so funny. Johansen is the only guy that could have played this role. I think I’d list this character as one of the best characters in film history.
After some action sequences where Sean drowns a poor guy, we get the final showdown and reunion with Sean and Thanatos. The showdown is epic and Johansen is beyond awesome here. He actually steps up the absurdity and maniacal laughter and his death was quite good.
MR. NANNY is not a great film. I’m not sure if the problem lies with Hogan or the director. Hogan’s performance is just empty. He did much better in NO HOLDS BARRED. Perhaps he didn’t believe in this film as much or maybe the switch to comedy/action didn’t mesh well. Whatever the case, this film could have been really good with some adjustments and a better lead that understood the material.
I have to recommend this film for Thanatos and the tremendous ending that is as hilarious as it gets. MR. NANNY isn’t a terrible film and has moments of glory that make it a definite must see.
