By Melissa Antoinette Garza
IT CHAPTER TWO (2019) was absolutely fabulous, but first let’s talk about the new BLACK CHRISTMAS (2019) trailer that came before the flick.
What the fuck? Seriously? I mean, seriously?! Bob Clark’s original BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974) is one of the greatest horror movies of all time. I love it. When the first remake came out in 2006, I was horrified – and not in the good way. That remake is one of the worst films of all time. Nothing good came from it. Fuck that movie! When I heard that Blumhouse was giving it another go, I was optimistic. I thought, “Maybe they learned their lesson!” Boy, was I a fucking idiot! My God! The trailer shows a plot that is something in-between I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (1997) and THE SKULLS (2000). It sure as fuck isn’t BLACK CHRISTMAS. Even the iconic plastic wrap scene is bastardized by having one of the sorority girls do it to one of the perps. It’s stupid. It sucks. I hate it. I hate it. And I hate it.
With that unpleasantness out of the way, let’s talk about IT CHAPTER TWO!!! What fun! I loved it!!
In present times, Pennywise (Bill Skarsgård) is back and Mike Hanlon (Isaiah Mustafa) wants him gone for good. Mike is the only member of the clique that remained in Derry. He calls all his peeps and tells them to get their ass back to town. None are super enthused about it, but Mike is the only one who remembers everything. Everyone who left has most of their memory wiped.
Now, Mike is a dick – a sexy dick, but a dick. He lies to everyone multiple times in the film. He feels bad about it and is trying to do what’s best, but seriously – fuck Mike. He should have been up front and honest with his buds.
Everyone ends up coming back to Derry and most of them are super fine! Bev (Jessica Chastain) married an abusive dude but after chucking some picture frames at his head, she leaves the prick and heads back to Maine. I gotta say, I like the douchebag from the original better. I wanted to see a maniac scream, “BEVVVVVV!” but the new Mr. Marsh didn’t accommodate that wish. Still, he was a trashy rich prick and I liked seeing him get knocked the fuck down. Money can’t buy a personality, you wife-beating scumbag! Leave Bev alone. She’s sexy, badass and Imma love her.
Next is Bill (James McAvoy). Damn, McAvoy is gorgeous and so versatile. Thinking of him in this and then in SPLIT (2016) makes my head spin. It’s hard to believe it’s the same dude. Anyways, Bill is still hung up on Georgie’s death. He should have been there! I’m with Pennywise on this one. I blame Bill for Georgie’s death! Okay, maybe not, but it is fun to say. I like him with Bev. They have chemistry and Bill is so much cooler than plain ol’ boring Ben (Jay Ryan).
There’s an ongoing joke about Bill being a good writer that doesn’t know how to end a book. It’s a self-deprecating hit on Stephen King who was a good sport and made a cameo. He looks sort of the same since the last time I saw him, but a bit older…which makes perfect sense. Whenever I see him on screen, I’m always taken back to his appearances in CREEPSHOW (1982) and MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE (1986). I know some cats don’t like winks or nods to the cam like this, but I love it! I loved when Stan Lee made appearances in Marvel flicks and I love this too.
Next on the loser club list is Ben. This is my only grievance with the movie. They do this weird fat boy fake out. When Ben arrives, they first focus on a guy who looks like he could be Ben all grown up. Blondish hair, short, tubby and not bad looking, but then as if to say “surprise, Ben is a hottie” they shift up and show this ripped dude. I don’t know. I know a lot of gals will think this fellow is sexy AF, but he’s not my type. I like Bill better and so should sexy Bev. I want Bill and Bev to hit the sheets! Ryan did a fine job portraying Ben, but he does nothing for me in the looks department. I’d rather get it on with Pennywise….and I would love to do that. RAWR RAWR Imma take that makeup off you, Clown! I know there’s a Bill Skarsgård underneath and I’m gonna find him!
Then there is Eddie (James Ransone). Eddie was my favorite in the 1990 version. I wanted to protect him so bad from his evil mother. What a bitch! Here, instead of having an evil ma, he’s married to a woman who is just like his bat-shit crazy mom. Ransone is tremendous. He’s a cute motherfucker. I loved him in SINISTER 2 (2015) which is really underrated. Go watch that! It’s great.
Poor Stanley (Andy Bean) doesn’t make it to the reunion. If you’ve seen the original or read the book, you know why. That said, he does play a pivotal role and some stuff is explained about him that wasn’t delved into in the 1990 version. There’s added depth in the closing scene regarding him and his reasoning which is quite compelling. He was also very cute. I would have liked to see more with him.
Finally and saving the best for last, there is Richie (Bill Hader)! He can beep beep whatever the fuck he wants! Oh, how I love Bill Hader. Mmmmh. Bill Hader. Bill Fucking Hader. Yummy. I mean, oh so fucking Yummy!
Richie has some layers and Pennywise fucks with him in the worst way. My best friend was like, “I hope Pennywise and Richie make out.” I wanted that to happen too, but it doesn’t. Still, Richie is hilarious, sweet, sensitive, a bit selfish but oh so fucking fine! I don’t want to give anything away, but the growth of his character and the overall development is just brilliant. Kudos to the filmmakers and also to Bill Hader for nailing it. Not sure if you can tell or not, but I’m a bit of a Hader fan. I know. You can’t tell. I’m super subtle!
One thing that may piss some people off is that Pennywise in the form of the clown isn’t in the movie all that much. He’s got some great scenes, but for the most part he shows up in other forms. Still, the way he manifests is scary, cool and twisted. The CGI is well done and gives some great scares and shocks.
In the end, the Losers Club bully poor Pennywise making him the real victim. Now, I know that some will say Pennywise is a murderer and a horrible entity that kills children, but that’s no excuse to bully him. Two wrongs don’t make a right. They make him feel really bad about himself and I don’t like that at all. I do not condone that behavior. I was disappointed in them. They should rise above it. Either that, or I have the super hots for Bill Skarsgård and so I defend his characters because I’m nuts. Honestly, it’s probably that last one.
Go watch this. It’s one of those rare flicks that NEEDS to be seen on the big screen. Someone most special mentioned that they need to start putting intermissions in these long movies, and I agree. Let people have a chance to pee without missing the movie they paid their hard earned money for. Not to mention, they’d make a killing on selling more concessions.
Last thing, can we have a Pennywise prequel, please? We’ll be good. I swear!
Scared Stiff Rating: 8.5/10
