By Melissa Antoinette Garza
I wasn’t actually going to review HUSTLERS (2019) tonight. I was going to go to sleep, but I’m in a sour mood and wide awake. Jeff, who is one of my dearest friends, had his Twitter account suspended because some malicious douche reported him. Twitter definitely needs to revamp its suspension policies because it is nearly always the peeps being victimized that get the ax, while the ones perpetrating the nonsense come away unscathed. Jeff is like a kid brother to me, so Imma very pissed off at the toolbox that started this shit. An easy resolution would be for Twitter to prevent users from interacting with anyone other than their followers while they investigate rather than this unfair insanity.
As I’m in full redhead rage mode, I decided fawning over Jennifer Lopez would be a good distraction. If any fem could take my mind off of Twitter, JLo would be that dame. I love her so much. She’s a true badass who doesn’t give a fuck. Ever since ENOUGH (2002), I’ve been sold on her acting abilities. She’s smart, sexy, vampy and has a sensual prowess that hooks the viewer. There was no way I was going to resist seeing her as the lead of a fem stripper gang.
The movie begins with Destiny (Constance Wu), who works at a strip club but doesn’t get as much green as she needs. Everyone takes a cut and she’s left with very little at the end of the night. The showstopper and head-turner Ramona (Jennifer Lopez) doesn’t have that problem. She owns the room, and men flood the stage with cash they toss to her. She has all the moves down, works the pole, the floor and most importantly her audience. Her body is fucking perfect. Never has there been an ass more divine than JLo’s. It’s just gorgeous and splendid and RAWR RAWR RAWR RAWR Imma love it.
Destiny befriends Ramona and the two form a tight bond. Ramona teaches her how to get the customers to pony up the dough.
Together, they do sexy backroom shows where Ramona strips Destiny down as the men lay out the Benjamins to see more. It is tremendously erotic and fabulously done. The two women have so much chemistry together. I wanted Ramona and Destiny to end up together, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.
Unfortunately, Destiny hooks up with a deadbeat dude and gets knocked up. She has a kid and quits the gig at the strip club. When things don’t work out with her boyfriend, she starts searching for a normal job. She’s unsuccessful as her job history and educational background doesn’t include the qualifications the positions require. She ends up back at the strip club, but things have changed.
The economy crashed and men aren’t frequenting the club like they used to. New strippers are offering $300 blowjobs just to stay afloat. Thankfully, Ramona comes to the rescue again and creates a side hustle with Destiny. The two of them along with friends and fellow strippers Annabelle (Lili Reinhart) and Mercedes (Keke Palmer) start finding their own clients.
They meet up with wealthy Wall Street cats, flirt like crazy, drug them a bit, bring them back to the club and clean house. They get a cut of all they sell and max the shit out of the credit cards. The chicks are living the high-life and getting away with it mostly as the men are too afraid to go to the authorities.
After a few mistakes, the police do circle the wagons and arrest the ladies. Despite the fems being thieves, they’re really not antagonists. Quite the contrary, they’re actually heroes. Sure, some of the dudes taken didn’t deserve it. Many did though. Also, the ladies were so strong and wildly independent. It was the desire for autonomy and freedom that drove them. That’s admirable. Their actions are questionable, but their motives aren’t.
I absolutely adored this movie. Of course, I love the sexiness of it all. The stripping scenes and backroom shenanigans were magnificently done. That alone is worth the price of this flick, but it has more to it. The flick has depth. Partially because it’s based on a true story, but also because of the acting, storytelling and emphasis to detail placed on the production.
Julia Stiles portrays Elizabeth, a reporter that is interviewing Destiny throughout the course of the film. Elizabeth is a highly-educated gal who comes from an upper-class family and has a fine education. She’s strong and confident. It was very cool to have two women who were so different from one another, but equally tough and independent discuss the events and the thought-processes behind them. The fems came from completely different worlds, but surprisingly found more common-ground than one would expect.
I can’t suggest this movie enough. Jennifer Lopez and Constance Wu owned the film. Their performances were beyond brilliant. The friendship and love between Destiny and Ramona made the film the masterpiece it is. Watch this!
Also, goddamn is JLo sexy AF.
RAWR RAWR RAWR RAWR
Also RAWR
Scared Stiff Rating: 8/10
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