By Geno McGahee
I should have quit while I was ahead. I love reviewing holiday movies and I had so much Xmas spirit in my heart and soul and then I ended up overstaying my Christmas review welcome and watched the 2002 HOME ALONE 4. Now, in 1990, movie history was made with HOME ALONE. The young and talented actor, Macaulay Culkin, starred as Kevin McCallister with a Christmas story that resonated with many people. Supported by a great cast including Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard and Catherine O’Hara, HOME ALONE was a rightful success. This is what’s called bringing your “A game”. In 1992, HOME ALONE 2 was released and brought back most of the cast, but added in a new setting: New York City, along with some very talented actors to the cast including Tim Curry. Arguably, they surpassed the first, creating a funnier movie with a better setting.
In 1997, the series was revisited, and despite the bad press that this film gets, it wasn’t all that bad. It surrounded a new family and relied on a lot of the same gags that made the first two so special. It didn’t have the magic, but as a stand-alone film, it certainly wasn’t a bad watch. So, we have two great films and one that is OK. I can live with that trilogy, but they not only returned to the series, they recast familiar characters, rewound the clock, made Kevin very young again, and created what may be the worst Christmas movie of all time. Oh god, HOME ALONE 4…why do you exist?!
The new Kevin McCallister (Mike Weinberg) is not having a good Christmas. His parents, Kate (Clare Carey) and father, Peter (Jason Beghe), have split up. His father is now married to a very wealthy woman named Natalie (Joanna Going) and wants to invite his children over to their mansion for Christmas. Initially they decide to stay, but when Kevin has a disagreement with his mother, he sneaks out of the house and takes a cab over. Unfortunately, they have to leave him there, home alone, as they have a special gathering to attend. Now, this is when my stomach really began to turn. Marv, originally played by Daniel Stern, was now being played by French Stewart. It is the worst Daniel Stern impression that I have ever seen and he does this expression throughout the entire film as if he’s being blown by a shark. If you can come up with a better description, email me and I’ll change the shark to another animal.
I don’t necessarily blame French Stewart for this. Rod Daniel, the director, has to take much of the blame. Daniel is not a bad director. He directed TEENWOLF and K-9, two respectable comedies, but they had something on him. He had to owe somebody something to be roped into HOME ALONE 4 and he was so disgusted with himself that he never directed again.
Teaming up with Marv is Vera (Missi Pyle), his wife. Marv explains that his old partner, Harry, played by Joe Pesci, always got him into trouble and that he is now on his own. The two want to kidnap a prince that is staying at the home of Peter and Natalie but when they break in, they meet up with Kevin and some new pranks that absolutely suck and have none of the imagination of the first two films. They are not even comparable to the mediocre ones of the third film. This is as low as it gets.
Weinberg is incredibly annoying and unfunny as Kevin. Everyone that has questioned the acting ability of Macaulay Culkin can suck on this film. He was endearing and hilarious in the first two, and here we have a kid that you hope the two goons will throw into a river.
The film trudges along with some different gags that the criminals fall for and Kevin continues to outsmart them, but if you’re still caring for this film after the 20 minute mark, there is something wrong with you. I watched it in its entirety because I believe in providing a service at Scared Stiff. I watched it to spare you. This is a public service announcement: DON’T FUCKING WATCH HOME ALONE 4.
(SPOILER…if you care) Peter realizes that he still loves his wife, the bad guys are nabbed and Kevin runs off to play with the prince, an equally annoying geek of a kid that they got for this. I sat in pure amazement as the ending credits rolled and began to sob. I had just witnessed the one movie that could kill Christmas for me. I had to fight every urge to take down my tree and burn it. I took a walk and calmed down and may still be able to enjoy the holiday.
To be fair, Missi Pyle did a good job in the small role she was in. She played it goofy and it could have been funny had she had anything to work with. Clare Carey did her best and did well as Kate. She came off as very kind and genuine, and for what the role was, Jason Beghe did a good job, although I think I noticed the pain in his eyes. If watching it once was this painful, I can only imagine how painful it must be to be forever linked with such a film.
HOME ALONE 4 is an insult to film, an insult to Christmas, an insult to John Heard, Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara, Tim Curry, an insult to John Hughes, and an insult to anyone that watches it. I don’t know if there is a movie that is worse than this. My happy Xmas review spree has taken a terrible turn. HOME ALONE 4 should be burned and I am sure that John Hughes passed away thinking about what they did to his creation. I don’t know if I feel sorrier for him or for Daniel Stern.
The film was written by the duo of Debra Frank and Steve L. Hayes. They have come together for other productions such as THE MUPPETS WIZARD OF OZ, THE MAN WHO SAVED CHRISTMAS and SANTA WHO?. Out of morbid curiosity, I may check them out, but if they are anything like this effort, these two should not team up again. It was produced by 20th Century Fox. Shame on you.
I also want to mention one final thing before I go. The producers apparently did not give a shit about the first two films at all. So much so, that they apparently got Harry and Marv mixed up. Marv has either totally adopted Harry’s style or they made the mistake of just looking at a picture and getting them mixed up, which I’m leaning towards.
Rating: 0/10
