By Geno McGahee
I am a big fan of anthologies. There is usually something for everyone. HOLIDAYS has a great concept going in. An anthology with holiday themes seems like a can’t miss. Add a budget and writers like Kevin Smith and we should have something very special. They would have to work really hard to make something shitty and they put in one hell of an effort to make that happen.
VALENTINE’S DAY
Written by Kevin Kolsch and Dennis Widmyer, this tale surrounds a young girl that is the victim of bullying and has a crush on her swimming coach. Maxine (Madeleine Coghlan), known by her tormenters as “Maxi Pad”, deals with the abuse constantly, but she is about to snap. She’s had enough and she is going to find the courage to stand up for herself and also express her love for the coach that has been looking out for her as much as he could. This tale is quick and predictable, but overall enjoyable. A lot of the charm of this tale surrounds the performance of Coghlan.
Rating: 5.5/10
ST. PATRICKS DAY
Written by Gary Shore, this tale surrounds a teacher that has a student that just won’t smile. The teacher also desperately wants to have a child and makes that wish. Remarkably, she has the baby and the student begins to smile. Things are going well until she goes to the doctor and they note that she is carrying something evil. We then enter WICKER MAN territory with strange imagery and also a guy named “Danny Zuko”, wearing a bad GREASE T-Birds jacket and wig. The woman (spoiler) gives birth to a large snake and everyone celebrates. The film started well, but just fell apart and borrowed too much from other films without laying the foundation to support it.
Rating: 3.5/10
EASTER
This is written by Nicholas McCarthy. A young girl (Ava Acres) is warned by her mother to sleep the night through because the Easter bunny is coming. The rules of Santa are applying here. The girl asks her mother about Jesus and asks her where the Easter bunny has come from, which sets the tone of the tale. It was rather easy to see where it was going. A hybrid Jesus/Easter bunny shows up and the girl sees him, leading to a shocking conclusion…well, not so shocking, but I don’t want to give it away. The look of the Jesus bunny was terrible. I wonder why they didn’t get somebody better to do it. Whatever the case, this tale is not bad, but it’s not good either.
Rating: 5/10
MOTHER’S DAY
Written by Sarah Adina Smith, this tale also involves pregnancy and a getaway that is supposed to help the soon to be mother. We get this trippy tale that focuses mostly on the visual side and doesn’t develop too much of a story. It’s basically a cult with some supernatural overtones, leading to a conclusion of a big hand launching out of the woman’s vagina. That final shock wasn’t that shocking and didn’t make up for the nothingness of this tale. This is the most forgettable of the bunch and it had a shot to be something had there been any development with the story at all. The only focus was on the visuals.
Rating: 2.5/10
FATHER’S DAY
Written by Anthony Scott Burns, this is actually one of the better tales in this anthology. A young woman gets a tape recorder with a message from her father that she believed to be deceased. He wants a meeting and she begins her journey to go to the meeting point. There is an aura of mystery around this one and a great atmosphere. The ending was rather crappy, but the good heavily outweighs the bad here. This is a good entry in this anthology. They seemed to try a little too hard at the end, but other than that, this one is pretty good.
Rating: 7/10
HALLOWEEN
Now, I am a fan of the work of Kevin Smith, overall. I loved CLERKS, JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK and may be in the minority that liked CLERKS 2. Smith defined the 1990s with his style that became one of the most imitated styles at the time. Unfortunately, his move to horror has been less than stellar and his entry in this film should have been a homerun for him, but was actually the worst entry in the film. Kevin Smith doing a Halloween horror tale…sounds awesome, right? Not even close. We have a douchebag that is doing some online porno stuff where he puts these girls on the web to strip and have simulated sex with the men on the other line. When he comes home, he demands that they get to work and becomes very aggressive. He then wakes up with a vibrator up his ass and the girls torture him, having him cut off his dick and then exploding the vibrator up his ass. Kevin Smith, I don’t think other filmmakers will be trying to emulate this piece of work. In the end, this is a must avoid. I hope we don’t see any of these great ideas making their way into CLERKS 3.
Rating: 0/10
CHRISTMAS
They saved the best for last with this tale, written by Scott Stewart. Pete (Seth Green) is on the hunt for these virtual reality glasses that his young son wants. When he hits the store late, he tries to buy it from the last customer. That customer dies in the parking lot and Pete takes the glasses home and leaves him to die. Unfortunately, these glasses have a way to tap into the mind of the person wearing them and if you don’t sign out, others will see your thoughts. Pete’s wife, Sara (Clare Grant), is shocked to find out the fantasies her hubby has and Pete discovers that his wife may not be who he thought she was either. This is a very enjoyable tale with some great acting from all. This is, by far, the best of the bunch.
Rating: 8/10
NEW YEARS EVE
Kevin Kolsh’s second tale has to do with a troubled young man looking for love and victims. He meets up with a girl through a dating site and they meet up at a diner. It doesn’t go well, but, remarkably, she invites him home to ring in the New Year. As he prepares to kill her, he begins to see that this victim is different than the others he’s encountered. This tale is painfully predictable and unremarkable. It started out OK but quickly lost steam and it was easy to tell where it was going.
Rating: 4.5/10
HOLIDAYS is a big disappointment. It had its moments, but they were few and far between. The tales do not feel like they belong with each other. Most anthologies are tied together even without a wraparound. They carry the same vibe and feel, but this one is different. The concept for the film was very good. It takes work to screw it up this bad.
I have to reluctantly recommend HOLIDAYS for the tales of CHRISTMAS, FATHER’S DAY and even VALENTINE’S DAY, but the other ones aren’t worth it. Go in with low expectations on this one people.
Overall Rating: 4.5/10
