By Geno McGahee
The 2007 monster/slasher film begins with a running start for two reasons. One, I love the headless horseman. It’s just a cool monster to base a story on, and the look of the creature in this film is very good. The other plus going in is the casting of Richard Moll, a man born for horror overacting. He was tremendous in NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR and now, here he is, bringing that great approach to acting again. So, we start with a 2/10 but we have a ways to go.
A group of seven friends are on a road trip to go to a party, but a detour brings them to a small town that resembles a ghost town. They break down and need help fixing their van, and meet Candy (Lizzie Prestel), who recommends her dad, “Pa”, as a repair man. I’m sorry. Who the fuck calls their dad “Pa”? Is it just a southern thing? I am a northerner, so I don’t know. Does Pa say “call me anything, just don’t call me late for dinner?” I hate when people say that.
Something is off about the townies. Pa (M. Steven Felty) is a total dickhead, while Candy seems very nice. As the van is being repaired, the group heads into the town and there are plenty of weirdos roaming around. At the corner store, they meet Kolchak (Richard Moll) and he’s another character not having a good day. Most of the town just seems angry.
It doesn’t take long for the headless horseman to come around. He needs seven heads or he will cease to exist. OK, I’m not sure if I missed something, but did he need a certain amount of heads per month? Per year? Is this a one and done deal? I had to have missed something. I would assume he would need seven heads per month. Most plans are monthly.
Candy knows more than she let on and finally informs the group that the town is cursed by the horseman and that he will not let them leave and that the town’s very survival is based on the horseman getting those heads. As he gets those heads, he grows a head and probably eventually gets head. He might be hung like a horse, man.
The group gets killed one by one, leaving Liam (Billy Aaron Brown) and Ava (Rebecca Mozo) to figure shit out. Candy was locked in her room by that scumbag, Pa, but escapes and unites with the group with the deal that she will help them out if they take her with them. We learn that the town is totally inbred, with the exception of Candy who got stuck there. That made sense. She was the only one that wasn’t totally fucked up. Poor inbred Pa. Now I know why he’s so mad all the time. He has to deal with the fact that he’s inbred and there’s no town psychologist to walk him through it.
There’s a sword that can apparently kill the horseman that a priest used to take him out so many years ago. I guess the sword is a temporary fix though. Had it worked the first time, his headless ass would have never returned in the first place. So, they get the sword and plan to take out the man that has almost a full head now.
In one of my favorite scenes, Candy steals Pa’s truck, but he stops her, standing in front of the truck and holding a gun to her. As he states his disappointment, he tells her that he has no choice but to shoot her. He doesn’t pull the trigger quickly enough and Candy runs him over. They added another shot after the first shot where he’s hit by the truck, showing it roll over his entire body and added squishy noises. I loved it. Add another point for that one. You’re doing OK, HEADLESS HORSEMAN, you’re doing OK.
There’s a big final showdown as the trio tries to exit the town and we learn that the horseman can’t cross over water. OK, I won’t question any of this. I’m going with it. So, (spoiler), they are able to drag his ass over a bridge and he evaporates, but that sends a chain reaction, destroying all the inbred people in the town. They all turn to dust. Well, that was weird. On the good side, Richard Moll was TREMENDOUS in his death scene. He always knocks it out of the park, but sorry, Richard, you already got a point. I can’t give two points just because you were awesome.
HEADLESS HORSEMAN is a lot of fun. It was sort of like MINER’S MASSACRE with some WRONG TURN mixed in. I really liked it. It’s the sort of film I would rent from Hollywood Video in the mid 2000s and be very happy that I did. I recommend it!
