By Melissa Antoinette Garza
This movie takes me back. I still remember holding the VHS tape in my hand and thinking, “this is going to be fantastic!” Was I right? Yes. Yes I was.
EVIL TOONS (1992) was a straight-to-video release that was a advertised like a horror spin on COOL WORLD (1992) and WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT (1988), but really doesn’t have that many animated scenes. Still of the three movies, this is actually my favorite – so that says something pretty revealing about my level of crazy.
The movie opens with writer/director Fred Olen Ray attesting that the story is 100% true, nothing was changed and the people in the film are those who actually experienced the real events. Well, if Mr. Ray says it’s true, I believe him.
Admittedly, the opening scene is a tough watch all things considered. Gideon Fisk portrayed by legendary actor, the late (better than) great- David Carradine hangs himself to end a curse. A book which is a blatant homage to THE EVIL DEAD’S (1981) Necronomicon Ex-Mortis makes a pun, promises to return before disappearing and then the film opens. I’m summing this intro up in a messy, quick manner purposely. I love this film. It makes me happy and I want to keep this review light-hearted. Everyone adores Mr. Carradine’s contributions and I’m just here admiring one of them.
When the credits roll different demonic imagery flashes including my personal favorite Baphomet. I have a stuffed animal goat named Baphomet. He has a dyed (with highlighter) pink beard. Yes, I am that cool.
Burt (Dick Miller) owns The Whitley Cleaning Company and is hired to scrub a vacated, beaten down home. It’s a three day job for four people. He hires all women and the clan is made up of Roxanne (Madison), Jan (Barbara Dare), Megan (Monique Gabrielle) and Terry (Suzanne Ager).
To keep the gals straight, we have black-haired, semi-punk rocker Roxanne (Madison) who instantly has an attitude. This makes her the bitchy one. Blonde Jan (Barbara Dare) fails to fight the bimbo stereotype when she somehow mistakes contortionists for the democratic party so now we have the dumb one. Megan (Monique Gabrielle) has glasses and knows the definition of contortionist so we can safely classify her as the smart one. Lastly there’s Terry (Suzanne Ager), who is the optimistic go-getter among them and the representative for Whitley.
Burt takes off after ogling the girls for a minute leaving the ladies to run the show. The girls carry in the gear and as Megan is taking some of the final belongings in, she’s approached by neighbor Mr. Hinchlow (Arte Johnson). Hinchlow begins to walk up the stairs and makes the odd remark that he remembers the house when it was only a few inches tall. He goes in to meet the other girls where Terry introduces herself.
Hinchlow checks out the women and claims to be looking them over in case he has to identify the bodies later as other murders occurred inside. They take him for a creepy perv and politely show him the door.
They then head to the basement to clean the darkest, spookiest room before sundown. Roxanne offers a verbal wink to the camera that tells the viewers that the gals know what they’re doing. They’re smarter than the roles they play and even within the scope of the movie the director informs the audience of the fact. It’s a trope. He knows it’s a trope and more importantly he knows that we know. It’s just a Fuck You to those who take films too seriously and complain when a character is made stupid with purpose. The horror industry is fully aware that the characters make different choices than people would in real life. Still, it’s a catalyst to springboard plot points, so get over it and enjoy the ride.
Later the women dance and Roxanne begins a striptease where she drags shy Megan up. It takes her all of 5 seconds to get the buttons undone off her shirt, but after a snarky comment Megan runs away.
Immediately after, Gideon returns and drops off a package. He hands it to Terry and then lurks and watches on from outside. Roxanne, Terry and Jan open it and see the book from the beginning of the flick. They look thru and see some writing in a foreign language. None of them speak it but are sure that Megan may be able to.
Upstairs, Megan takes off her shirt and stares at her nakedness in the mirror. She’s still shy. When Roxanne goes to get her, she makes nice and the two head back downstairs to look at the book.
Megan is shocked at the sexy toons within that depict a demon performing oral sex on a wanton woman. This doesn’t stop her from reading the Latin Incantation only after to read a footnote which advises her to never ever ever ever read the curse that came before.
Later, Megan revels to the girls how she wishes she was more like Roxanne and less the virgin that she CLEARLY is.
Roxanne is meanwhile partying the night away waiting for her boyfriend Biff (Don Dowe) to arrive. While trying to get wine, she reveals she has never opened a bottle before in her life. For a few oddly hilarious moments, she goes nuts with it. It’s dumb. It shouldn’t be funny, but kudos to Madison for some great physical comedy.
She finally gets it open just as the cartoon demon emerges and he’s ready for some action. As Roxanne starts getting into her bra and panties, the cartoon gets more randy. He pounces and gets on top of her. The other girls listen thinking she’s having a great old time, but she is definitely not into it – especially when he kills her via oral sex. When looking at the book earlier, she did wonder how he got his tongue there so…… irony?
Megan hears Roxanne scream, but the other girls are being a bit catty and think she’s just having a good time with Biff.
She checks it out and the cartoon demon takes the shape of Roxanne but is still covered with blood. Megan inquires about it, but sensing something just wasn’t right, she runs back upstairs in a panic.
It is then that Biff arrive and Demon Roxanne starts playing with him too. Say what you want, the Evil Toon is an equal opportunity sexual beast. If nothing else, he get points for that.
Someone who doesn’t get points is Burt who turns down his gorgeous beauty (Michelle Bauer) at home when she asks for some loving. She asks for one day a week. Every Friday she wants some action and he won’t even put out. She has to go use a vibrator that sounds like a lawnmower just to get off because of boring ol’ Burt. That said, Dick Miller is still ACES in my book. And…in Burt’s defense he was leaving to go make sure his employees were okay after Hinchlow reported hearing screaming.
Burt arrives, but the garls don’t welcome him in. Creeping around the house only moments before, they found dead Biff. During the entire process the 3 gals makes some of the best-worst comments delivered in horror. It’s purposefully bad, but done in such a loving way. Everything up to and including Megan’s vast knowledge of the occult when finding the corpse is a love-letter to horror. Horror fans recognize it and that’s why this is a cult classic.
After being turned away at the house, Burt runs square into Demon Roxanne. She leads him to a shed and starts seducing him. It doesn’t end well for him, and I’m glad. That’s what he gets for leaving his wife with a twenty pack of D-Size Duracell while he’s ready to screw the first sexy devil ready to go. I’m just happy that Mrs. Burt had a better night than he did.
When the women see Roxanne in all her demonic glory they’re on the run to retrieve a dagger that Terry says she left upstairs. She’s so emotionless and nonchalant about it that I can’t help but crack up. Gideon returns to bring Roxanne back to hell before she can presumably deflower and kill Megan.
I just love how the women deliver their lines. It’s just silly. This is a very silly movie with some sexy stuff mixed in! It is one of the best early 90s B horror entries. It’s naughty, it’s in-your-face with gratuitousness but it’s done for laughs.
The over-acting of the actresses is fantastic. Their comedic timing is spot-on. These women do not get the respect they deserve in the film world because the majority of them worked in the adult industry. Fuck that noise! If you don’t think some of the actresses are giving good performances while in porn, you’re not paying attention to what the guy is (or more accurately isn’t) doing. Obviously, I get one doesn’t watch porn for that reason and has (hopefully) larger issues at hand during the time of viewing, but you can’t blame an adult film-star for not being Hollywood ready because you’re too busy having fun to notice she’s the reason you’re so joyfully entertained.
I see people call the acting in this atrocious not understanding the affected nature of the characters is the joke. That’s the point. It’s a choice! I don’t know how that is missed. They go above and beyond, to joke about how this is not a realistic portrayal of how women handle crisis. Its’ a fun romp with talented sexy ladies and a crazy story that somehow works. I wonder if these same people watch STAR TREK (1966) and believe William Shatner has a speech impediment.
Regardless, I highly recommend it. There’s a slight NIGHT OF THE DEMONS (1988) and CHEERLEADER CAMP (1988) feel, but it’s even more lighthearted than that. This entire spectacle is just a hilarious parody with a solid plot. It’s a horror version of AIRPLANE! (1980). It’s CLUB DREAD (2004) with more tits and who doesn’t want that?
The cast did a sensational job. I loved Arte Johnson’s portrayal of Hinchlow. When he delivers a quick speech about the origins of the book yet acts as though his explanation is a long-shot, it cracks me up. Dick Miller did fabulous as well.
The women, however owned this project. They had fun with it and understood the comedy gold in what they were putting out.
I highly recommend chasing this one down. Currently I see it’s on YOUTUBE, but pick up the 25th Edition blu-ray Special Edition for $15 if you have it as it truly is a must-own for any cult film fan.
Scared Stiff Rating: 7.5/10
