By Melissa Antoinette Garza
Killer doll movies are a delight! They are also the reason my BABY TALK doll was shaved, stripped, broken, humiliated and sold for $1.00 at a tag sale in 1987. That doll looked at me every time I walked into a room. Her lips were saying, “Hello Mommy” but her eyes were saying, “I’m turning all your other toys against you.” Some say she just had a sensor and I was a paranoid 8 year old watching flicks with themes far too mature for me. I say, the doll had a voodoo curse that was only averted by my savvy yard sale selling skills. Who is to say which one of us is right?
DOLLS (1986) is definitely among the movies that I loved when I was a child. I’m not saying it had a positive impact, but I enjoyed it then and I enjoy it now.
It opens with young Judy (Carrie Lorraine) on visitation with her deadbeat, dumb-ass while collar dad David (Ian Patrick Williams) and his pretentious bitch wife Rosemary (Carolyn Purdy-Gordon) who is the traditional evil stepmother type. She takes Judy’s teddy bear away for no reason.
Judy, though annoying at times, is a very cool kid. She has a quick fantasy about her teddy bear becoming enormous and killing David and Rosemary. In the real world, they suffer car trouble and walking, they arrive at a mansion in the middle of nowhere.
No one comes to the door so they enter on their own. A wonderfully eccentric old couple come out clutching a shotgun. They get softer hearts when they see Judy. These old folks are the kind of people that I hope my husband and I will be in 30 years.
The husband, Gabriel Hartwicke (Guy Rolfe) wears a silk robe, smokes a pipe and makes dolls by hand. His wife Hilary (Hilary Mason) welcomes the intruders with open arms and smiles, but something sinister lurks underneath, and you know it from jump! It is marvelous!
As everyone is getting to know one another, more guests show up from out of the rain. Ralph (Stephen Lee) comes crashing thru the door with Enid (Cassie Stuart) and Isabel (Bunty Bailey). It’s clear the girls know one another, but only recently met Ralph. It soon becomes clear that their thieves taken the lustful, but kindhearted guy for a ride. Worse, when Hilary tells them that she’s into antiquing, Enid takes that as an invitation to rob them as well.
Gabriel shows Ralph and Judy his dolls, which are like transformers in that they are more than meets the eye. When he finds out that Judy lost her teddy, he gives her a Mr. Punch doll he made. My husband Steve is an amazing artist. I could see him making Punch and Judy dolls and I could definitely see myself using black magic on them so that they would destroy our enemies. It’s all about the Yin and Yang!
I just think Gabriel and Hilary are the definition of relationship goals! They work together marvelously. While Hilary is chatting away the femme fatales, Gabriel shows everyone to their room. He gives Judy a place separate from Rose and David, and likewise sets Ralph up with his own place.
Soon of course, the dolls are at play. All different designs of toys attack and murder! Judy sees an elf doll kill one of the girls and she runs in to tell David. He screams at her, threatens physical violence and when she turns to Rosemary she gives her more of the same. Those toolboxes need to die! This is one of those movies where you’re counting down the seconds until the antagonists are murdered.
When Judy is turned away from the Parents-of-The-Year, she runs to get help from Ralph. He’s much nicer, but doesn’t believe her at first. It isn’t until she notices blood that he begrudgingly goes to investigate.
Gabriel covers up the murder by saying he spilled red wine explaining away the blood. Ralph still is uncertain but Gabriel is so charming. I’d believe Gabriel! Then again, I’d help Gabriel bury the bodies so I may not be a good gauge.
Soon, the dolls reveal themselves in all of their insane glory and they go nuts! Oh, in case it’s unclear. I’m on the Team of #OldCreepyCouple and therefore automatically root for the dolls throughout.
This is a campy and ludicrous popcorn movie that is filled with fairy-tale morals and a wonderful old couple. The last scene is freakier than the entire movie and changes the tone to a much darker one literally as the credits roll.
In the end, Gabriel has such an amazing line while reading a letter supposedly from Judy’s father. I don’t want to ruin it because it’s all about the delivery. Pay close attention whenever Guy Rolfe is on the screen, not that you could do anything but. That man is magic.
Hilary Mason is brilliant! She works the camera and never crosses the line into horrifying. It’s a very narrow line as the audience needs to understand why Judy is unafraid. If Hilary was hamming it up with wide eyes and evil grins, it wouldn’t make sense. Mason pulls back in a manner that makes everything flow.
Kudos to Carrie Lorraine. I sometimes give kid actors a hard time, but she did great. Judy was annoying sometimes, but overall she kept the cute-kid factor up and the annoying-brat factor down. I didn’t want Judy to die and that’s a good thing!
Stephen Lee evens the group out by portraying the normal-Joe style dude that the film needed. He’s likable, inoffensive and sweet.
Carolyn Purdy-Gordon and Ian Patrick Williams goad the viewers to hate their characters immediately. They gave solid performances and the intentional caricatures play well off the killer dolls.
AMAZON PRIME people, I hope you’re taking advantage of these horror films. I don’t know how long they’re going to be up there, but they’re a goldmine for those of us who still have a ton of DVDs in boxes packed away.
Take away from this review: I want to be Hilary Hartwicke when I grow up and my BABY TALK doll was likely possessed.
Scared Stiff Rating:7/10
