By Geno McGahee
“Whatever it is, it’s winning.” – Lead Officer (Scott Lawrence)
When I was younger, I loved Godzilla movies. Watching the guy in the green suit walk around and destroy the miniature city was a lot of fun. In 1999, a great film came out called “The Blair Witch Project,” and now we have what I consider to be a Godzilla meets Blair Witch Project in Cloverfield. I had heard many negative things about this movie and also some positive things…you either love it or hate it. I might be the only person not to voice my disgust or call it the best thing since sliced bread.
We begin with Hud (T.J. Miller) videotaping everything with his small handheld digital video camera, starting at a party that he’s attending. Hud is not the brightest bulb on the tree and he annoys most people, including Marlena (Lizzy Caplan), a bitchy girl that wants nothing to do with Hud’s pud. The party continues with more interviews with the party goers, and this is some pretty painful dialogue to get through. I thought that the monster could not come soon enough to save me from this horrible dialogue, and when he does, I’m happy to say that this movie gets a whole lot better.
The entire building where the party is being held shakes, and an earthquake is reported. When the guests go outside to the roof of the building, they see an explosion and huge fireballs are hitting everything, including the building that they are in. They run out to the streets and the Statue of Liberty’s head skids down the street, beaten up. This damn monster beheaded the Statue of Liberty! What next, is he going to rape the pope? Maybe he does. I haven’t checked the deleted scenes on the DVD yet. I will keep you updated.
Hud keeps the camera rolling as he and a small group of party goers start running away from the force that is tearing up New York City. The cloud of dust and debris that fills the streets is reminiscent of 9/11, and it may have been a slight inspiration for this film. It really is a scary scene as the unknown marches forward, destroying everything in its path, as people loot and take pictures with their cell phones, which is what would really happen. Like the Blair Witch, you are with the crew as things take place, and although the camerawork can get annoying at times as it bounces like your fat uncle’s tits on a trampoline, but it’s the price you pay when you have a movie like this.
The group makes it to the subway although most of the city has evacuated per orders of the military. This group is defiant because Rob Hawkins (Michael Stahl-David) needs to go right into the storm to save his girl, and the group are backing him up. Now the adventure really begins. The monster not only is enormous and mean and doesn’t like buildings or statues, he has these spiderlike creatures that he releases on humanity that attack and kill…hmmm…where was this monster when the Mist was taking place? I think that he was in the Mist too. Remember those little spider fucks that were harassing the people at the grocery store in that film? And where is Godzilla where you need her? She would have taken care of this Cloverfield monster and saved the day. Matthew Broderick’s acting must have scared her away.
The military are using their tanks and weapons to try to stop this thing but aren’t having that much success and one of the army guys lets the group in on a secret that the government is planning to blow New York off of the map as a last resort, if they cannot take care of it there and then, which seems likely.
One of the coolest scenes of the film is when a stealth bomber begins dropping bombs on the enormous monster as the group celebrates from a helicopter that is planning on flying them to safety. (Spoiler) The monster basically says, “that’s all you got,” and proceeds to kick more ass, including hitting the helicopter out of the sky.
This movie is not as good as the hype, and not as bad as the critics claim. This is a decent flick that does a lot with a little, only having a 25 million dollar budget, which sounds a lot, but really isn’t. War of the Worlds had a budget of 132 million smackers, and you don’t that much better of a product. Cloverfield is a good monster movie with a good ending and a great pace…if you can get past the first twenty minutes of the movie, which really drags…
In the end, Cloverfield works, and when you finally get to see the monster up close, you are not disappointed, and there is plenty of room for a sequel and when you figure in the success of this movie, it’s not out of the question that they will make another. I recommend it.
Scared Stiff Rating: 7/10. Godzilla meets Blair Witch Project.
