By James Witherspoon
Yo, check this out. I was at Wal-Mart, behind some EBT warrior and y’all know her fat ass was wearing pajama pants and had her jobless scum boyfriend with her. Can I go out the first week of the month once, just once, and not see these scumbags?
Now, as I was in line, I got a call I could not believe. Somebody said my friend, the LEGENDARY Clint Eastwood, died. Really? Really? Nice try fella, but imagine if he or his family heard that? They’d be devastated! Well, I called my boy Clint and he was fighting mad. He had the following to say:
“James, I am so tired of these soy-boy, cellar dwelling, EBT warrior punks that pull these death hoaxes. I wish I was Dirty Harry in real life. I would totally make their day or I would send that fucking orangutan up their ass that you saw in EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE. I am so tired of this bullshit. I’m too old for this. James, please right this wrong and put these assclowns on blast for me. They’re worse than that walking STD, Charlie Sheen. He ruined THE ROOKIE. I told them not to hire that moron geek.”
I got you covered Clint.
