By James Witherspoon
Yo, check this out. I just heard that my girl was thrown under the bus and put on blast and now I’m steaming mad! YA HEARD! Y’all know that when it comes to these death hoaxes, I step in and I right the wrong. When I saw the headlines, I knew that all of the Dion fans would be shitting bricks. Imagine what they think! My god, what did they think? YA HEARD!
I recently caught up with my girl, Celine, and she had the following to say:
“James, firstly, you’re the best writer ever. My heart will go on, but my foot is going to go up the ass of whatever soy boy started these rumors that I died in some plane crash. Can’t they just use their EBT cards and leave me alone. My god, imagine if my fans believed this nonsense? I’m alive and well and I have plenty more years of playing the air guitar to AC/DC songs. I know how you cellar-dwelling metal heads loved that. Really? Really? Eat me. I’m rich and you’re not. And I got one thing to say to that lardass, Meatloaf. Don’t remake any of my songs. Just keep eating. You’re good at that.”
Well, I guess she said it all. YA HEARD!
(Note: Comments may not be those of Celine Dion)
