By Clive “Buttplug” Pluggerson
Let me tell you something brother. I was riding my Harley man and I kept thinking about AEW’s pay per view brother and so I put down my fifty bucks and rented the show man. I haven’t been this excited since SD Jones signed to fight King Kong Bundy at Wrestlemania brother, and had that fat bald fuck not jumped him, SD Special Delivery Jones would have won that match man. You can take that to the bank.
So, let’s go through the card and results brother…
The big tease was in order with the Dark Order as they took on SCU man. They kept pushing the leader of their group and we almost got it when Christopher Daniels came down in a robe, but it was a red herring man. We were waiting for the broken brother, Matt Hardy to come down but it didn’t happen man. Colt Cabana made an appearance too. In the end, the Dark Order beat SCU to move on in the rankings and push the cause man and stay tuned for the leader to be revealed soon.
Jack Hager took on Dustin Rhodes and it was a great match man. It was the first match for Hager in AEW and he didn’t disappoint brother and it was a brutal show where Hager’s wife was at ringside and was really funny man. At one point, she tried to hit Dustin, but he turned around and gave her a kiss on the cheek brother. Good idea. If he kissed her on the lips, Hager may have had some words for him in the locker room.
Darby Allin beat Sammy Guevara in a match that showed both men giving their all and doing some insane spots that we haven’t seen since the days of the Juicer in WCW. I know the Juicer was a sexual predator man but he kept the baby powder company in business.
Kenny Omega and Hangman Page went over 30 minutes to finally retain the titles against the Young Bucks brother. It was a great match man with both teams doing what they do dude and countless near falls, but Page proved to be the man. Page was over with the crowd man. It reminded me of the time when I dropped the buttplug driver on Jimmy Snucka in 1987…that murderer.
Nyla Rose beat Kris Statlander in a sloppy match. Now I love the alien brother, but she was off and Rose isn’t easy to work with either. It’s like trying to drag away a fat woman from the buffet. They struggle and it ain’t pretty man. Rose found her power bomb and ended the match and I was happy it was over.
MJF had one hell of a match against Cody Rhodes and used his ring to get the victory again, which is becoming his calling card man. It was a great match with a lot of back and forth and it left MJF a bloody mess and left Arn Anderson in a heap as well. Rhodes was knocked cold and lost the battle, but the war is still going man.
Orange Cassidy and Pac had a funny and intense match man. Now I know that fat fuck, Jim Cornette, has been talking shit about my boy, Cassidy, but he’s nothing but a redneck idiot brother. Cassidy brought it dude and had Pac on the run, but the Bastard is not one to tangle with and he got the submission win.
Jon Moxley won the title from Chris Jericho, against all odds, after the ejection of the inner circle by the referee. Moxley revealed that his eye was fine now man and he landed his finisher to put down Jericho and take the title, but he has the rest of the Inner Circle to deal with now man. Jericho will be looking to get that strap back and I think he will brother. Never count that dude out.
AEW REVOLUTION was what a PPV should be dude. Pay attention Vinnie Mac. This is how you do it. They didn’t have to dust off Goldberg and take blood money to keep the company going brother.
BUTTPLUG RATING: 8/10
