By Geno McGahee
I like psychics, except for those fake ones. I know that some of you think all psychics are fake, but Uri Geller was the real deal. I know that the so-called Amazing Randi tried to debunk him, but I’ve got it from a reliable source that Geller shoved a spoon up his ass telepathically. Boom. In the 1980 episode of THE INCREDIBLE HULK, “The Psychic,” we are dealing with a woman that can see the future, but first, Hulk has some shit to deal with.
Johnny (Stephen Fenning) and Robbie (David Anthony) are running from the cops. They are part of a gang called “The Renegades” and are up to no good. Well, when the cops catch up to them, they find Robbie lying at the feet of the Hulk and he’s in bad shape. Hulk hauls ass out of there and the headline is made…Hulk fucks up teen. (Spoiler) Now, even if Hulk did kill a teen gang member, it should not be a problem. I hate gangs and thugs. If there was a Hulk that just went around killing gangbangers, I’d be happy. He’d be like an avenging angel…or is it guardian angels? Those geeks that wear the red hats. Those guys. If they had Hulk wearing a stupid red hat, I would respect that organization immediately.
Annie (Brenda Benet) is a switchboard operator and her boss is a freaking old bitch that won’t get off her case. Why are so many old people pains in the ass? You know, when I hear about an elderly person getting their ass handed to them, I will not say “that’s a shame” until I know all the facts. I used to have this old guy that walked his dog near my house and it shat on my yard every day. That old man needed a beat down. He’s dead now. I guess karma got him.
Annie calls the police and she tells them of a car accident that she sees in one of her visions. They ignore her and she gets frustrated, but she even gets more frustrated when that old bitch starts making little comments about her power. She basically tells Annie to find a new job and that was really the last straw for Annie, but she has another vision before she goes out the door. She sees that old bitch burning herself with her coffee, and actually tries to stop it, but the old lady boots her out the door. Once she leaves, the coffee splashes on the old bag and she winces in pain. Good. Fuck her. Annie should have said “I can’t wait for this to happen” and pour the piping hot coffee on her head. That would have ruled.
Meanwhile, David Banner (Bill Bixby) is working at a grocery store as the produce guy. He probably mumbles to himself a lot. “All that fucking schooling and I’m moving fucking oranges.” I don’t blame him, but at least being considered dead gets him out of his student debt. As he sorts the fruits, Annie knocks down the oranges and the two meet. When they touch, Annie sees a vision and realizes that David is the Hulk and she runs back to her apartment to kill herself. She thought her mind invented the Hulk and she wasn’t going to go any crazier if she could help it. The best way was to end it all.
When she arrives home, the landlord (Nick Pelligrino), is waiting for his rent. His pants are unbuttoned and his is as grimy as they get. I knew he was going to make a move on her. You never see a guy like that that isn’t trying to get laid by somebody, and sure enough, when Annie doesn’t have the rent, he proposes other ways to pay. He intrudes into her apartment and I’m quite shocked that she didn’t kick him out or call the cops. Landlords can’t do that shit. “You need taking care of and you ain’t so bad looking baby,” he says, but when Annie sees the newspaper and sees the picture of the Hulk, she realizes she’s not crazy and realizes that David really does turn into it. The landlord points out a 10,000 dollar reward for any information and she soon realizes that she can pay her rent and have some spending cash if she just turns David in. So what if he meets Bubba in prison. It’s not her problem.
When you try to collect the award for turning in the Hulk, you are going to bring down Jack McGee (Jack Colvin), the biggest pain in the ass that Banner has to contend with. Get a life McGee! Annie spots David at the hospital and quickly lets McGee know where he is, but she gets a different idea when she realizes that maybe David isn’t a bad guy and doesn’t deserve to be thrown into prison with all of those rapists. You know what they do to the new guy.
I did find it odd that Banner waited for information on Robbie and nobody seems to notice. The criminal always returns to the scene of the crime and this is the same thing. I’m surprised that Robbie’s mother (Judy Jean Berns), who looked like the sorriest sack of shit I’ve ever seen, didn’t wonder why this guy was lingering around. When the doctor tells her to go home, she says that Robbie is all that she has. Well, then, why is he such a fuck up then? You should have been a better mother. Banner should have had no guilt over this at all. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
When Annie tells Banner that McGee is coming soon, she has another vision of some idiot delivery guy (Jesse Wayne) going into an explosive area of the hospital, while smoking a cigarette. By the time she tells David, it’s already too late. The huge explosion prompts David into action, but when he gets in there, another explosion launches him across the room. It was actually a pretty cool effect, and it was enough to piss him off and change him into the Hulk. He picks up the idiot and carries him out of the room, but I noticed that he was coherent when the Hulk first picked him up, but when he carried him out, the delivery guy played dead. He wanted sympathy. Why would a hospital not stop a guy from smoking inside? You’d think that security would stop him at the door. Perhaps they all just dropped the ball.
To get out of the hospital, the Hulk jumps out a window and stumbles upon a terrible child actor, crying about losing his mommy. Fucking show always puts this shit in there. Why? Kid actors typically suck and they sucked really really bad in the 1970s. Watch any 1970s film, especially a disaster film, and see how unconvincing and annoying the child actors are. Here is no exception and as this little shit cries about his mommy, she comes around and yells about the Hulk, screaming “it’s the creature that attacked that boy!” Now, she should just worry about herself. Her kid was missing and she is worried about the Hulk and that gang member that got roughed up? What is with the bad mothers in this episode?
David and Annie get friendly, but not friendly enough for him to whip out his pants Hulk, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately, McGee comes knocking and he’s wearing a trench coat. I can’t remember seeing him in one before, but it fits him. He’s now talking with a lot of bravado. Perhaps he’s trying to impress Annie…which is not a bad idea. Being a lead reporter is a powerful position and that can probably get you pussy. McGee understands that. Don’t get him horny. You wouldn’t like him when he’s horny.
Horny or not, Annie tells McGee to get lost and she and David begin sharing their life stories. She makes a very strange comment. “After I touched you and saw your creature, I thought I had truly gone insane.” I had a girl say that to me once. OK, I didn’t, but it sure sounded like she was talking about his prick, doesn’t it? After not getting laid for so long, Banner might be reduced to a two-pump chump, but you got to start your pussy comeback somewhere. It won’t be pretty, but at least you’re getting some.
The bad news comes in when Banner discovers that Robbie has died. He begins doing a silent cry as Annie cradles him, but soon lets out a couple whimpers. Damn, keep it together Banner. Not in front of the chicks! This death leads Banner to want to kill himself, but a jump from a fire escape is not going to do it. Banner would break both his legs and then Hulk up and keep punching himself in the dick and when he awakens as banner, he’s going to have two broken legs and a black and blue prick because he pissed off the Hulk that needed those fucking legs.
One of Annie’s final visions is that Jack McGee is going to be taken out. Johnny is going to bust a cap in his ass. When she tells David, he wants to help McGee. What?! Banner should have said “good. I hope he shoots his dick clean off and he bleeds to death. That prick has it coming.” Why would he want to save McGee? That’s the one guy that is fucking with his life. He is 90% of the reason why he has to be constantly on the move and now he’s looking out for him? What the fuck Banner?
The truth comes out and Johnny was the guy that hurt his friend. He starts shooting at McGee and clips him and then, as Banner tries to stop it, he shoots Banner too. This brings the Hulk again and he puts Johnny down for the count. The Hulk’s record is cleared and McGee lives to fight another day.
THE PSYCHIC was a very well-written episode of the Hulk. The conversation between Banner and Annie when he’s about to kill himself was riveting and was a true window into how Banner looked at himself and his overall life. I felt that these two could have worked it out and her idea of using her talents to see the future to help him avoid hulking up made perfect sense, but Banner wasn’t going to chance it. He left this episode, once again, on the move.
I highly recommend THE PSYCHIC and I would love to see what the Amazing Randi would say about her.
Rating: 8.5/10
The role of Johnny was played by Stephen Fenning, not by S Fanning.
Stephen Fenning was also seen in CHIPS, and on Broadway in Hair, You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown.