By Geno McGahee
In 1990, the game changed. HOME ALONE was a huge Christmas hit and started a trend. The idea of smart kids against stupid adults was a fun storyline and it is still being used to this day. Make no mistake, these sorts of films are an example of just how popular the HOME ALONE machine was. In 2007, we saw a revisit to the same sort of scenario, with bumbling bad guys and intelligent kids battling them. This time, the setting is a mall and it features a tremendous and notable cast. CHRISTMAS IN WONDERLAND may just be a big advertisement for West Edmonton Mall, but it meets the criteria to be a decent holiday watch just the same.
Wayne Saunders (Patrick Swayze) followed work, moving his family from California to Canada, and the move did not go over too well. The oldest son, Danny (Cameron Bright), left a girl behind in Cali and is not happy about the switch to a colder environment. Brian (Matthew Knight), the younger brother, and the youngest daughter, Mary (Amy & Zoe Schlagel), seem to be OK with the transition. Wayne’s wife, Judy (Rachel Hayward), is stuck at the airport, waiting to go home. She calls up Wayne and asks him how the Christmas shopping is going and he panics, realizing that he has not done any. He takes the kids to this amazing mall, and it is amazing, and that is when it goes into HOME ALONE mode.
Sitting at a donut shop inside the mall are two guys up to no good. Leo (Chris Kattan) and Sheldon (Preston Lacy). Kattan was on SNL during its weaker period, but compared to what they’re pumping out today, he may have been part of the golden era. With his unique look and over the top performances, it’s surprising that he didn’t make it farther than he did, but he made the most of it in this role. Playing across from him is Preston Lacy and I was wondering where the hell I knew him from. He’s from JACKASS. He was the heavy guy that was chasing the midget in his tighty whities. It was hilarious. I’m glad though that he has moved onto film. He actually did a very good job in this as the “dumb fat guy”, a role that would usually be reserved for guys like Chris Farley. He’s one of the few JACKASS guys that can probably make a serious run at film if he gets the right breaks and roles.
So Leo and Sheldon have a great plan to make some money this Xmas season. They are passing counterfeit bills at stores and taking the change. In the chaos that is the shopping season, the mall will find out when it’s too late. Unfortunately, they drop the bag onto an ice rink where young Mary and Brian are skating and they pick it up and run. Considering the fact that Mary wished for a million dollars for Christmas, this made sense. Her wish was granted, but now these two dummies have to track them down and retrieve the money before their third partner makes them pay.
Ginger (Carmen Electra), for some reason, has partnered up with Leo and Sheldon and is not happy about the loss of the bag. She demands they get it back, but it won’t be easy, especially considering just how challenged they are. Brian and Mary are far from low profile though, as they spend as fast as they can, loading up lockers with stuff they purchased. The funny money is flying everywhere and it attracts the attention of Goron McLoosh (Tim Curry). It’s hard to miss with Tim Curry and, much like the majority of the cast, he is putting a lot of effort into this production. He is funny and likable and his scenes were a great way to break up the chase. McLoosh finds out that the Saunders family is somehow involved and sends his police goons to their household to kick in the door and turn it upside down and they do just that. It’s obvious from the start that McLoosh is clueless and shouldn’t be in the position he’s in. It’s later stated that he was kicked in the head by a horse and was never the same. A funny line for sure.
Sheldon and Leo get outsmarted time and time again and they even throw in a scene where Sheldon falls on his smaller co-conspirator, releasing a fart while lying on top of him. It was a cheap joke, but it got me. So, they succeeded with the cheap joke. Bravo. The police arrest Wayne and McLoosh interrogates him to no avail. They take him through the mall in hopes that he can assist in finding the children and the money. As Leo and Sheldon continue to fail, Ginger steps in to push for the capture but is also outsmarted quite easily by the two.
All this time, the oldest brother, Danny, is trying to get with Shane (MacKenzie Porter), a blonde that he saw at the wave pool. It was sort of creepy. Well, I guess there is no “sort of” about it. But she seems to like him anyway and the two begin to hang out, not worrying about the fate of his younger siblings. Start thinking with your other head mister.
The battle continues and it leads to the assist from the Mall Santa/Mall Ghost and about 18 other roles. Santa is real and it’s all going to work out, which I thought was a weird direction for this production, but it got weirder. When in the basement of the mall, Brian opens a door that is noted to be the “North Pole”. It was the worst CGI that I have ever seen. EVER. These CGI elves that are barely able to move or make an expression and it really took away from the film. How difficult would it have been to dress up some people like elves and put them there? They had a budget…why not do it right? Who the hell green-lighted this CGI? This is the only real CGI in the film and it is wretched. The film’s production value went down about 80000% at that very second.
The bad guys get arrested, although there was one scene that I want to discuss before I wrap up this review. When Mary runs to the roof of the mall, she begins cracking the glass as Ginger makes a run to get her. She tricks Ginger into stepping on the glass and she falls through, hanging on for dear life, with a huge drop waiting for her. She asks for help, but Mary decides to throw her the bag, propelling her off of the roof and down to a man-made lake, which was good for her. That was attempted murder, in my opinion. I would have tried her as an adult.
The Saunders family gets home and it’s a wreck and there aren’t any gifts or tree either, but they talk about not caring and how much family means instead. So, happy ending. When they awake, the mother is home and the entire house is decorated and there are gifts. Mary reads a note and looks out her window where Santa is waving for a painfully long time. I bet he was saying “When the fuck is this director going to call cut?” in his head. The wave is endless and we get one more bad CGI treat before the movie’s end credits roll.
CHRISTMAS IN WONDERLAND is obviously a 90 minute commercial for the mall, and I have to admit, that is one badass mall. It had animals, amusement park rides, wave pool, and a whole bunch of cool shit. On top of that, we actually have a really decent flick here. Kattan, Lacy and Electra were fun as the bad guys and did their best to make this work. A special nod goes to the hilarious Tim Curry who went the extra mile with his legendary laugh. The rest of the cast did great with the exception of Cameron Bright. His robotic delivery was just so bad. There was nothing believable about this performance. I know he’s done much better in other films, but there was something really off about this one.
I recommend CHRISTMAS IN WONDERLAND. It’s not nearly as good as HOME ALONE, but I found it amusing.
Rating: 6/10
