By Geno McGahee
OK, I could never get through the original 976-EVIL. How did I make it through 976-EVIL II? I can assure you that it’s not a better movie. In fact, from what I saw, it paled in comparison. I guess it was just one of those nights when I allowed one of these terrible films to play through. It probably had something to do with the shower scene in the first two minutes of the film. I’m guessing that was it.
Laurie (Karen Mayo-Chandler) is taking a shower and although she was an amazing knockout, I fear for films that begin with naked hot chicks. It says to the viewer: “OK, we suck…we know that…so, I hope you at least like this.” She starts walking around in a white tank top and panties when the lights begin to flicker and the mean Mr. Grubeck (Rene Assa) appears and begins hunting her down. I found Grubeck to be one of the least terrifying bad guys of all time. He really was wrong for this, but he kills Laurie and is soon thereafter arrested when a witness arises. The town drunk, Turrell (George “Buck” Flower), saw Grubeck do the deed.
In the meantime, we have the super cool, Spike (Patrick O’Bryan), coming into town on his motorcycle. I didn’t consider him cool, but the movie is shoving it down your throat. All the women blush and point…even a fat woman that had a job cutting a kielbasa with a meat cleaver. I’m not sure if that was her job or if she just enjoyed doing it.
Robin Jamison (Debbie James) was close with Grubeck and is quite surprised by the allegations. When the two come into contact, she gets jolted and starts having visions of the victims. She runs into Spike at a diner and he finds a business card that she left behind for a “Horrorscope”, with a 976 number. In the 1980s, the pay per minute phone lines were incredibly popular. There were phone sex, psychic readings and every other thing you could imagine. If they could think it, they would charge you for it. 976-EVIL II saw the trend and implemented it into a horror movie. It’s sort of like THE RING, but not good. We have a cursed phone line…
Grubeck asks for more power from the devil on the other end of the phone, and his wish is granted. He can now leave his body and kill people. He begins with his biggest problem, the eye-witness to his murder of Laurie, Turrell. They really tried to make Grubeck a Freddie Krueger sort of killer. They tried to ride the line of comedy and horror, making his terrifying and funny, but both were big failures. The character just sucks, but I will say that the death of Turrell was very amusing. They get some points there. He explodes as he’s hit by a tractor/trailer. What’s odd is that he’s standing in the middle of the road with hundreds of feet between him and this oncoming truck. The truck honks while hundreds of feet away, but never slows down. It just keeps moving forward at the same speed and nails him. Splat. I wonder if that was Rusty Nail from JOYRIDE behind the wheel there.
Robin becomes the obsession of Grubeck and Spike has to do everything in his power to stop him once and for all, leading to a battle to the death at the end. (Spoiler) Spike is able to return from the dead to stop Grubeck, but the police accuse her of killing him. This is where something really strange happens. She stands there and Stoney, the lead cop, puts her under arrest. Out of nowhere, two cops jump out of the back of an ambulance and drag her into it. They had plenty of police cars to load her into, but they opted for an ambulance… OK. We then end with a pay phone ringing and Grubeck’s evil laugh, threatening a 976-EVIL III: Return of Grubeck or 976-EVIL III: We Promise It Will Be Watchable This Time.
976-EVIL II is about as bad as it gets. I am very proud of myself for sitting through it. It would have sickened a lesser man. From start to finish (minus the shower scene), this film is a mess. They hitched their wagon to this new hopeful horror icon, but Grubeck was terrible. Jason and Michael Myers have nothing to worry about.
I cannot recommend this. In fact, I recommend that you save yourself the 90 minutes and watch anything else that you can find. I have a list of the worst films I have ever seen and now I have to determine where this one places. This film is an insult to horror and to phone sex. I will never feel the same about phone sex again thanks to this film. I hope the filmmakers are happy.
Rating: 1/10 – This is the Wrong Number.
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