By Geno McGahee
I’m a huge action fan, but there are several forms of action films. You can’t compare a DEATH WISH film or DIRTY HARRY film to what Arnold Schwarzenegger puts out. Arnold is in a class of his own, more or less, making what I refer to as “super action” films. It’s not that they are better than the films of Clint Eastwood or Charles Bronson. They are just different. They are action films on steroids and that might be literal in this case.
Since I’ve seen them all, I wanted to put forth a list of his top five best and his top five worst films. Arnie picks his screenplays pretty well, but you can’t win them all. Because of my hatred for loincloths, I am disqualifying CONAN from this competition as well as his very early work. I’m starting where I need to start, in my opinion, which is 1984.
ARNIE’S TOP 5 Best Films
5 – THE RUNNING MAN (1987)
Arnie plays a wrongfully accused man forced into a game show where his life is on the line. Hunters chase him down and he must defend himself and help humanity while he’s at it. This film has the former FAMILY FEUD host, Richard Dawson, in the role of the host and he is a great foe for Arnie has he tries to make it through the show. This film is a classic.
4 – COMMANDO (1985)
How can you not like COMMANDO? It’s over the top, ridiculous and as fun as it gets. Arnold plays a former badass soldier and when his daughter is kidnapped, he must declare war again, and that includes beating up a bunch of mall security guards. Great action line after great action line makes this the #4 spot on this list.
3 – T2: JUDGMENT DAY (1991) & THE TERMINATOR (1984)
I have put these two together because I can never decide which I like better. So for the sake of this list, I’m making them one long film about a naked Arnie, looking for clothing first, and then following a mission of good or evil. In THE TERMINATOR, he is a mean cyborg hunting John Connor. In the sequel, he’s there to protect him. The original is gritty and scary. The sequel is done big and action-packed with CGI that is still impressive today. I love both of these films and cannot decide.
2 – END OF DAYS (1999)
An Arnie horror film. I knew this would be good, but I really consider this his best performance to date. He was notably weaker than in any other film and came off as very sympathetic. You can tell how much he wanted to make this film work and he did, giving the performance of his career in a great action/horror film that proved that Arnie knew no bounds. He could master any genre of film…well, maybe not musicals.
1 – PREDATOR (1987)
The sci-fi monster classic, PREDATOR took what COMMANDO did and made it way better. Arnie, the super soldier, is sent to rescue some of his men along with Apollo from ROCKY and Jesse “The Body” Ventura…and some others. They encounter a bad ass alien that is hunting them and it comes down to an Arnie vs. Alien match to the death. This is such a unique film and it spawned many sequels and re-imaginings. I don’t trust anyone that does not love PREDATOR.
ARNIE’S TOP 5 Worst Films
5 – THE LAST STAND (2013)
Arnie’s return effort wasn’t that good. Well, it was good when he was in it, but that was only about 50% of the time. It was FAST & FURIOUS the other half and it just didn’t play out well. Arnie proved that he still had a lot to offer, but this unfocused effort made it difficult to enjoy. This isn’t a terrible film, but it’s well below the standard set in the past.
4 – LAST ACTION HERO (1993)
It was a spoof of the Schwarzenegger brand where a kid somehow makes it into one of his films (or his character’s films). The line between fantasy and reality gets blurred and although the concept was rather interesting, it never came together in the way that I think Arnie had hoped. Once again, this is not a terrible film, but it’s not something that Schwarzenegger fans will note when they discuss his film moments.
3 – TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES (2003)
Trying to re-launch one of his most popular brands, Arnie released a third entry in the TERMINATOR series and it was just lifeless and stale. It’s very forgettable and didn’t present anything new to the series. They introduced a new female Terminator, but that novelty quickly wore off and it became a slow dance until the end. This film is watchable once, but very forgettable.
2 – JUNIOR (1994)
In 1988, Arnie made some comedic gold in TWINS with Danny Devito. They reunited in 1994’s JUNIOR, where Arnie gets pregnant and goes through the emotional roller coaster that women do when they are in that state. I think the idea was “look Arnold Schwarzenegger is knocked up…ain’t that funn?!” Well it wasn’t. It was horrible and unwatchable, which is surprising considering the cast.
1 – BATMAN & ROBIN (1997)
I don’t blame Arnie for this. This was just a cash grab. He knew that the movie sucked and that the entire Batman series basically blew up to that point, but they waved some big money in front of his face and he jumped. He played Mr. Freeze and that is about it. I am not sure I want to bother any of you readers with any of the details of this terrible film…especially when we should be thinking of our superhero as the Dark Knight…a badass guy taking on real villains. Mr. Freeze and the other villains of this film were terrible, the script was terrible, I felt terrible after watching it. Suicides went up 15% upon its release.
Well, there you go. Even his “bad films” only have 2 that I really think are garbage. Sly Stallone could fill a book with bad movies. Maybe that’ll be my next list.
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