By Polly “Avalanche” Hughes
At the first WRESTLEMANIA, I was there front row with my husband and the dumb shit dropped my nachos with cheese. As I picked them up off the floor to smash them in his ugly fat face, Mr. T walked by and laughed, saying “I pity your nachos fool.” From that point, I would not support him or the A-Team again. Now, here we are and it’s WRESTLEMANIA 32 and surprise, surprise, Triple H is in the main event…so much for my hopes for a Bam Bam Bigelow – Lawrence Taylor rematch. Bam Bam being dead made it tough to make happen, I guess. I was hoping his death was a work.
The main event is Triple H vs. Roman Reigns for the world title. Triple H is the new Verne Gagne. He’s forced his way into the company by wooing the boss’s daughter and has made himself the star. In Triple H’s defense, he looks better in panties then Verne did. I always encouraged Verne to stuff his shorts with a sock. Hell, the man needed it. Roman Reigns is a star that they are telling us is a star and they will most likely have him overcome Hunter in the main event. They have to build him up, but will Triple H take the loss? Hulk Hogan used to pull this shit. He refused to lose and then he got upset when Sid Vicious accidentally shit his pants in a match. You scared the shit out of him Hulkster.
Prediction: Roman Reigns over Triple H
The Undertaker is taking on Shane McMahon in a Hell in the Cell match with some stipulations. The Undertaker must retire from wrestling at WRESTLEMANIA and Shane will gain control of RAW if he can beat the Taker. If the Taker wins, he just wins. That is all. Now y’all know that the Undertaker is the king of these matches. He beat Shawn Michaels and Mankind in memorable matches, but now he is fighting Shane-O-Mac. I like Shane. He’s one of the few McMahons that seem alright, but he won’t win. Come on. The Undertaker may be old, but he’s too big to be pinned by little Shane…unless we see some interference. Perhaps 3-Minute Warning will show up and help Shane win. Maybe King Kong Bundy will run his fat ass down to the ring to get revenge for his WRESTLEMANIA loss to the Undertaker all those years ago. But then again, how will he scale the cage? Not gonna happen.
Prediction: Undertaker over Shane-O-Mac
Former UFC and WWE champion, the next big thing, Brock Lesnar is taking on Dean Ambrose in a no holds barred street fight. I like Brock, but he’s getting up there in years and they’re not doing anything with him. Ambrose needs a push and I suspect that Brock will get his ass handed to him in this one. He’ll put up a fight and do his scary face look, but Ambrose will prove too much. They’re grooming him to be the next 3-Minute Warning.
Prediction: Ambrose over Brock
Charlotte will defend her Diva title against Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks. The term “Diva” went out in the 1990s…when are they going to change it back to the women’s title? Come on Vince! Get with the times! This is a pick’em sort of match. I’m hoping that they will include Wendi Richter in this match. She’s only 55-years-old at this time. Let her fight! I want to hear Girls Just Want to Have Fun again anyway. They just wanna. They just wanna.
Prediction: Wendi Richter by DQ
Chris Jericho is taking on A.J. Styles. This is another passing of the torch match. Jericho has no interest in being a big player anymore. He just wants to cruise along and A.J. Styles is on the way up. Jericho will put on a good show as he always does, but y’all know, Styles has this one.
Prediction: Styles over T2J
Kevin Owens defends his IC Title against Dolph Ziggler, Sami Zayn, The Miz, Stardust, Sin Cara and Zack Ryder in a ladder match and this is going to be the coming out party for Stardust. Look for the best action coming from Sin Cara, but Stardust is on the verge of a breakthrough and he’s gonna follow in his brother’s footsteps and take home the IC title.
Predictions: Goldust’s brother by ladder
The U.S. Title will be on the line as Kalisto takes on Ryback. Ryback is the new Renegade. Kalisto has this one. Ryback will do his powerhouse antics, but he just doesn’t have the charisma. He’s the new Warlord. During his matches, the fans go to the concession stands.
Prediction: Kalisto by concession stand.
League of Nations vs. New Day in a 4 on 3 handicapped match. What is this, a gangbang?
Prediction: New Day by gangbang.
