By Sgt. Myles Willington
My name is Myles Willington. I carry a badge. I’m a cop. As you know, I was the arresting officer on a Hollywood film set for the film REVENGE OF THE SAMURAI COP, where I busted a man, or lack thereof, for stealing a wallet. Now, through the freedom of information act, I’m allowed to give even more information about this incredible case.
Here are my original notes of that day:
1300: Arrive on scene. Bald geek approached and denies stealing wallet.
1400: Bald geek offers entire police force oral sex to let him go.
1630: Half of the force pushes for his release.
1700: Wallet located. Bald geek notes “I confess young man. I stole the wallet because they never gave me the role in Ratatouille.”
1800: Suspect brought to prison, Bubba’s cell.
1822: Suspect needs stitches in backside.
END REPORT
Because this is an entertainment site, I reached out to my good friend, Kevin Spacey, for his comments and he had the following to say:
“I watched the video and somebody has to tell this dork that he needs to put on a hat. That shine from his bald head is blinding me. He’s no American Beauty. That’s for sure. I would never feel him up on a couch or bring him to Epstein’s island. I hope that wallet gets back to the rightful owner and that this weird-looking dumbass gets what he deserves…right in the ass.”
(Comments may not be those of Kevin Spacey.)
