By Melissa Antoinette Garza
Unsurprisingly, this movie is my jam. I was born in ‘79 and this was a constant on regular TV in the 80s and 90s. It’s a flick where the fems are fabulous and the celebrated boys are fems. The jock preps are the bad guys and are taken down by a full fem duo. I love it. It’s the movie that brought me four crushes; Nic Cage, Deborah Foreman, Colleen Camp and of course the incomparable Elizabeth Daily.
VALLEY GIRL (1983) opens at a mall where Julie (Deborah Foreman) and her friends Loryn (Elizabeth Daily), Stacey (Heidi Holicker) and Suzi (Michelle Meyrink) enjoy some pop and snacks in the food court. Julie is dating asshole, muscle-bound, blonde prick Tommy (Michael Bowen). Now her gal pals, only see the tight pants, an athlete’s build and a machismo attitude. They fawn over him. SO GROSS! Tommy is the every boy. He’s the kind of guy who peaked at high-school only to be arrested later for date rape as a frat boy. He’s just a tool.
Thankfully, Julie is evolving on her insight into men and what she wants. She’s slowly turning into a full Fem Goddess, but the pressure to conform is relentless. She breaks it off with Tommy, who warns all of his dude-bro friends away from her. She’s off limits because he’s a masc boy who believes fems are property. He’s wrong, but not worth the time to teach.
With the girls on the beach, Julie and friends spot a fem boy in gray swim trunks. Randy (Nicolas Cage) has a new wave punk style that excites the girls, but keeps them away. See, Valley girls and Punk boys don’t mix. Well, that is until Julie and Randy get together. They spot each other on the beach, but only share a few flirtatious glances
Suzi hosts a party in the valley and Randy’s friend Fred (Cameron Dye) hears about it on the beach. He convinces Randy to crash with him. Until Randy and Fred show up, the scene is lame and the boys all suck. Nonetheless, the punk duo are not welcomed guests.
Meanwhile, poor gorgeous Fem Goddess Loryn is being manipulated by shitbag Tommy. I love Loryn so much. She’s sweet and fun and spunky and ready to play, but is also an emotional gal that is looking to be kept safe in the arms of a lover. I wish she had been into more feminine minded gents or gals. She would’ve easily found a pure fem ready to fill that role. Sadly, Tommy guilts her into a hot-and-heavy make out session and then treats her like trash. He needs to be castrated. Fuck that guy!
Thankfully, Randy and Fred are some gents of the male persuasion that weren’t compete fuckwits. Randy is only able to share a quick convo with Julie until he’s thrown out of the party. He sneaks back in thru the bathroom window and waits for her to come in.
She agrees to sneak out on a date with him if her friend Stacy comes for protection. This gives Fred a date, but Stacy has no taste. Fred’s a doll with cool hair and a jazzy style. Stacy just doesn’t appreciate the finer things in life. Thankfully, Julie does.
They go to a club and the chemistry between Julie and Randy is real hot. They end up necking in the back of the car while poor Freddie playfully chases Stacy around it. Fred’s harmless. It’s a game and one Stacy gets off on a bit. She laughs though convention dictates her not entertain the idea of a Fred-fling so she doesn’t really let him catch her.
Julie and Randy have a fabulous time together and things are all sorts of sexy when her asshole friends get into the mix and add their commentary. They convince her to break it off with him and go back with Tommy. Thankfully fem boys are badass and Randy rocks it like a motherfucker to get his gal back. I love him.
This is one of my go-to chick flicks. When I have someone over who doesn’t like horror or scifi, this is one of the flicks that get thrown in. It’s a bit hard to find if you don’t have the DVD, but it’s worth a buy. The soundtrack is killer, the side-stories are nearly as good as the main the plot, the supporting cast is phenomenal and the leads are fantastic. Keep a cult-eye out for Fem Goddess Colleen Camp as Julie’s mom Sarah. She’s absolutely hilarious in the role. She’s so versatile with a one-of-a-kind beauty that resonates with me. I just love her.
Scared Stiff Rating: 8/10
