By Geno McGahee
I used to say that the 2001 EXIT WOUNDS was the last hurrah for Steven Seagal as a legitimate action star, but I have elected to review his later work and either confirm what I believe to be true or be wrong and be pleasantly surprised. I recently watched DRIVEN TO KILL and it was about as bad as it gets, but I’m happy to report that TODAY YOU DIE was actually a very good action film.
Seagal plays Harlan, a thief that steals from rich bad guys and gives it to the poor. He’s got a hot girlfriend, Jada (Mari Morrow), that is always worried for him and his lifestyle. Backing up her concern is her ability to see things. I am not a fan of movies, for the most part, that have people that have visions. So, when they put this element into this film from jump, I thought that it was going to be pure shit.
After one last job, Seagal (sorry, he’s Seagal. He just don’t look like a Harlan to me) takes a real job in Las Vegas, but he gets set up. He is the driver of a armored truck and when 20 million dollars is loaded aboard, he is forced to drive down the Vegas strip by gunpoint. This leads to several police officers dying and some being severely injured. When he gets into an accident, the police arrest him, but the money is missing. He claims amnesia and is sent to the prison where he meets the horniest group of prisoners. One tells him that he wants to “lick him” and then makes licking noises. The other ones throw kisses and then there are some crazy ones that just say random things. It’s a good thing that Seagal can fight. If he didn’t, he would have been corn-holed on the first night…especially with that long hair of his.
In prison, Seagal finds some of his old magic. The dialogue is actually pretty witty at times and the fight scenes aren’t that bad, all things considered. In prison, he befriends Ice Cool (Treach) and they plan an escape to right the wrongs and take down the bad guys. There was genuine chemistry between Seagal and Treach. They were funny together and the dialogue really worked well.
I have to say that I didn’t mind Seagal’s Cajun accent in this one. I didn’t like his Russian accent in DRIVEN TO KILL, but I was very amused by his accent in this one. When he first meets his new boss, Max (Kevin Tighe), two goons walk past him and Jada and Seagal notes: “There’s some trailer trash right there.” He didn’t even leave the room. I know that they heard that and it may have hurt their feelings. I often point to the effort of Seagal because it comes and it goes. Some movies, he is really up for them, and then others, he seems distracted or not interested. Here, he actually appears to be having a great deal of fun and it comes out in his character. He is having fun and the viewer is having fun.
When Seagal meets up with Ice Cool’s crew, they note that he “walks like a black man. Breathes like a killer.” OK. That’s a rather odd line, but there were a few lines in this that may not have been that well placed or made that much sense, but they just worked. At one point, Seagal knocks on the door of the bad guys and a big thug answers. “Who are you?” Seagal smiles and says “Girl Scouts of America” and then kicks his ass. He then proceeds to kick everyone’s ass and, like I said, the fight scenes are not that bad.
One of the funny things about this movie is that when Seagal and Jada move to Vegas they drive passed a children’s home and they have a “GOING OUT OF BUSINESS” sign. I never knew that they put those signs up at Children’s homes. It was really ridiculous. You see the sign in the front covered up by “GOING OUT OF BUSINESS” and then they push out a sad girl in a wheelchair. Thankfully, Seagal saw this and will save the business and the children inside. I guess it’s a bonus after he kills all of the bad guys…nice to see a happy ending.
TODAY YOU DIE is not a bad film. It had its fair share of problems, but for a straight to video action film with an aging action star, it’s not bad at all. The writers, Danny Lerner and Kevin Moore, understood the way an action film works and they just really packed this movie with explosions and action along with some fun dialogue. It really fit Seagal. I highly recommend this one.
Rating: 7/10
Okay, you’ve got me curious about Today You Die. I may have to get that on DVD. If Steve had been corn-holed in prison, he never would’ve lived it down.