By Geno McGahee
I love anthologies. You are basically promised a good story or two and it’s a lot more difficult to get it wrong when you are putting together short stories vice a big film. I have EPIX and they have a huge collection of horror films and God bless them for that. I came across THE THEATRE BIZARRE, an anthology that falls in between artsy fartsy and strange, but it was enjoyable…for the most part.
We begin with Enola Penny (Virginia Newcomb), staring at a theatre that is right across the street from her apartment window. She notices that the door is open and she elects to leave her place and check it out and that is when the show begins. A man, Peg Poett (Udo Kier), is basically a human puppet controlling other human puppets and he begins to tell stories. This was honestly very creepy.
The first story wasn’t that bad. “THE MOTHER OF TOADS” features a couple that stumble across a piece of jewelry and an ancient book that an old woman claims she owns. The hubby goes to the old woman’s home and she seduces him, looking damn good. She wasn’t old anymore. She was able to transform herself into a hot chick and before he knew it, he woke up next to an old woman … a sexually satisfied old woman. She turns out to be the “Mother of Toads” and uses her froggy ways to kill the girl and try to keep the man in her life. Overall, this wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t anything special, but I would say it is watchable.
I LOVE YOU is about a woman that has been cheating on her man for some time. He is a sorry sack that is totally obsessed with his woman. She comes home and bares all, stating that she is leaving him, found somebody else, fucked just about everyone she’s met, and has zero remorse for it. The man is devastated becomes even more so when he discovers that his good friend is the “other man.” This was written well and interesting, but the ending was sort of predictable.
WET DREAMS was very enjoyable. We have an abusive prick that his having terrible nightmares where a hot chick has a vicious chomper in between her legs. He wakes up screaming at the top of his lungs, holding onto his junk. It is hilarious. I don’t always give Tom Savini much credit, but he directed this and I tip my hat to him. This was another mediocre story, but the over the top acting more than made up for it.
THE ACCIDENT is an incredibly short tale about a child that witnesses an accident and …that’s about it. I don’t know why they would include a tale that was all but 2 minutes long. I sat there for a moment and thought: “That’s it?” I can’t say that this was good or bad. It was too short to really come to a decision.
VISION STAINS is about a woman that uses a syringe to take the memories of the soon to die, reporting their lives in written form. She walks the streets and feeds on the homeless, but she then makes the mistake of taking the vision from an infant and pays a terrible price. This was pretty tough to get through and unremarkable.
SWEETS…OK, when you talk “artsy fartsy,” you may be talking about this strange gore-fest. There is a guy that is obsessed with sweets and when he vomits, he will still pick out the sweets and eat them again. His love interest is leaving him and for about 15 minutes, he sobs and sobs and it gets old quick. Eventually, she agrees to go on one more date with him and he is brought to a party where they slice him up and the people feast on his body parts. It’s gruesome and confusing. This was a VERY odd story. I was rather lost on it.
THE THEATRE BIZARRE lives up to its title. It is about as strange as it gets. There are some very good things about it, mainly with the surrounding story, but the tales that are told are rather weak, overall. I would recommend this, but it’s not a must see. I liked it mostly, but it is very artsy-fartsy and confusing at times. The focus tends to be on the visual rather than the story.
Rating: 5/10
