By Geno McGahee
I’m a big fan of Tim Allen. Well, not a fan of his standup or HOME IMPROVEMENT, but his movie run has been good. He’s got great comedic delivery. I never get sick of WILD HOGS and CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS and always laugh, but when you deal with live action Disney movies, you can’t go into it with high expectations even when the cast is solid.
Now, was there one person excited when they heard that Disney was remaking the 1959 film THE SHAGGY DOG? I would bet money that the phrase “I need to see THE SHAGGY DOG movie” was never said. How could a movie with that name be good even with Tim Allen and Robert Downey, JR? It couldn’t be. It wasn’t.
Dave (Tim Allen) is the DA and is prosecuting a guy that burnt down a lab in protest of animal testing. This leads to tension between Dave and his daughter, Carly (Zena Grey), who is supporting the defendant. This PETA animal testing stuff must’ve been super popular at the time.
The big boss at the lab, Dr. Kozak, is played by Robert Downey, JR., and thank god for that. Downey, JR., really tried to make this role work and it did. Any time he is on the screen, it’s amusing stuff, but he’s not in this film very much. Danny Glover is in this too but he’s in a role that is very forgettable. How the hell do you fuck up a movie with Disney’s money behind it and talent like Allen, Downey, JR., Glover and Kristin Davis?
With the case taking up the majority of his life, Dave is losing touch with his family. His wife, Rebecca (Davis), has all but given up. His son, Josh (Spencer Breslin), is hiding that he’s part of some GREASE stage show instead of playing football like his dad. Now, I didn’t think Breslin could be more annoying than he was in CAT IN THE HAT, but he proved me wrong. Why the fuck did I have to see that guy again AND this role concerns a kid that can sing and Breslin cannot sing. Tim Allen had to pretend to be super impressed by it. Terrible cringy shit.
So there is a dog that Dr. Kozak stole that has lived for hundreds of years. He hopes to do experiments and figure out how to create the fountain of youth. That’s the idea, but I have to admit I was really annoyed with the scene of the dog in the Buddhist temple meditating. I didn’t find it offensive, but seeing the badly done CGI dog sitting there bothered me. It was in the first ten minutes of the film too. I knew I was fucked but I’m a trooper. You start a movie, you finish a movie.
Carly steals the magic dog from the lab and brings it home. Dave hates dogs and tries to drag him out of the house but gets bit and now the movie kicks into gear. It’s not a good gear. Dave now goes from a human to a shaggy dog and back again. I hate movies where animals talk. Fuck that shit. That’s why I tried to get DR. DOOLITTLE canceled for the last ten years. I’ve not given up yet. I’m sick of live action animals having their mouths fucked with with bad CGI to give them voices.
Tim Allen’s heart is not in this film AT ALL. I’ve never seen him so disinterested in a role and it’s not surprising. I’m guessing he just grabbed the big paycheck Disney was offering and then saw the screenplay and was like holy shit, I got to make this work?
The stuff was that supposed to be funny WAS NOT FUNNY. Allen acting like a dog wasn’t funny, but I’ll give them some points for when he’s chasing things as a human but is doing it on all fours. That was a funny visual, but it is not enough to make up for the pure shit that this film is.
Dave is kicked off the case and goes after the lab in hopes of fixing himself and this dog problem he has. In one of the brighter moments of the film, Kozak is put on the stand after being bit himself and does some very funny stuff. Downey, JR., was very funny and did everything he could here. The back and forth with Allen and Downey, JR., at the end was the best stuff this film had to offer.
I had this film rated at a 3/10 and that was generous but then the ending happened. At the very end, Dave’s son throws a Frisbee and Dave jumps up and catches it in his mouth and it’s fucking hilarious. At least there was that. It was worth watching it a few times and I did.
THE SHAGGY DOG never had a chance to be good. How do you make a movie with that title good? I can’t imagine having a producer tell me to write a movie called “THE SHAGGY DOG” and expect good stuff. Had Allen had the energy that Downey, JR., brought, maybe this film would have had a chance, but probably not. It’s just not good at all.
So, it’s a 3/10 but I’m giving it a couple extra points for the ending.
