By Geno McGahee
“There’s a psycho on the loose.” – Doc (Rocky Patterson)
In 1978, a film would stir up great controversy and push the boundaries in every way possible. The rape-revenge horror movie “I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE” is still over the edge by today’s standards and whether you like it or not, it’s unforgettable. In 1985, another rape-revenge film came out and it wasn’t nearly as graphic or controversial, but it made up for it with a fun factor and some of the best worst acting I’ve ever seen. THE NAIL GUN MASSACRE picked a tool that hadn’t been used before. Trying to bring in some THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE fans and capitalize on a growing slasher craze, this film did something remarkable. I have not been this amused in quite a while.
The movie immediately begins with a rape scene, but it’s relatively tame, especially when compared to I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE. Everything is implied and great credit to the cast of goons that were doing the rape. Their mean faces and maniacal laughter gave me great hope that I was travelling into the absurd zone where I would remain for the next 85 minutes. After the rape, the construction workers that partook in the crime would face a killer with a nail gun and rage like they’ve never seen before.
We start off with Leroy Johnson (Jerry Nelson) or victim #1 as IMDB lists him. He is inside the small house looking for some clean clothing and begins storming around and yelling at his wife who is hanging laundry on the clothesline. “You get your fat ass in here right now,” he booms. I have to be honest. His over the top acting was priceless. Entering the house is not his rotund wife but somebody in camouflage and a biker helmet holding a nail gun. The killer talks to every victim and it sounds just like the scarecrows from the 1988 film “SCARECROWS.” I wonder if they got the same guy.
On the case is the Sheriff (Ron Queen) and he has sought the help of the local rebel doctor, Doc (Rocky Patterson), to solve the case. Now, I don’t want to offend anyone here, but I don’t know what to call somebody who wears all denim. I’ve always referred to it as a “Canadian Tuxedo” but now that I think about it, that sounds like a jab at Canadians. Doc is in all denim initially. Maybe it doesn’t matter. I just think that somebody wearing all denim is sort of strange. Disregard.
The killer continues to hunt down those responsible but they don’t stop there. They go after just about anyone, especially those that have contractor skills. Two bikers show up at a construction site looking for work and they are referred to a place. When they get there they begin to have a picnic and relax. What a nice group of bikers. They were just looking to have fun and to enjoy their friendship. One of the bikers, Ben (Michael Bendall), deserves special mention. He was, by far, my favorite victim in this. He gets his hands nailed to a tree and he slowly looks up to the sky and says: “God, why me?” The fact that he had a 70’s porn mustache and grimaced out every line made it movie magic.
Another notable victim is a hitchhiker (Thom Meyers). A hearse drives by and stops a little up the road. The hitchhiker runs up to the passenger window and leans in and starts talking to the driver. Here’s the issue. The driver was wearing the biker helmet and holding a nail gun. I’m shocked that the hitchhiker didn’t find it odd. When the killer points the gun at him, he just stands there and pleads, rather than fleeing, which you would think would be a natural reaction. He had plenty of directions to run and it would take the killer some time to get out and he can’t run incredibly quick with that nail gun. I contend that the hitchhiker has nobody to blame for his death but himself. He could have easily gotten away.
Another notable thing about this film is the acting of Rocky Patterson. He has mastered the look of shock and concern. No matter what somebody says, that look of semi-shock and concern show up big on his face. He basically did it in every scene. I thought at the end, he would not be shocked anymore, but damn, he was shocked and concerned again. All of the acting in this film was amazingly terrible. It was bad in such a good way. There’s an old clerk that stumbles over every one of her lines and then looks at the camera directly at the end with a look that says: “Did I do OK?” I think they had a one take mentality. It sure seemed that way, but then again, they were shooting on film and that’s expensive. This was a low budget film…they had to do the best with what they had and dammit, they did an awesome job.
From start to finish, THE NAIL GUN MASSACRE, is an amazing movie. It’s absurd and fun. I had such a great time watching this and I highly recommend it.
Rating: 7.5/10 – They nailed it.
THE NEWEST HORROR COLLECTION IS UNLEASHED – ORDER NOW!
