Reviewed by Melissa Garza
Prior to seeing this, I viewed it as a sure bet. The reviews were all stellar. Everyone was talking about the Oscar buzz that surrounded the actors. The trailers looked more than promising. I really believed I was walking into a film the likes of A Beautiful Mind or Gran Torino.
My best friend thought the same. She’s a fan of Paul Thomas Anderson and thought There Will Be Blood was a great movie. We decided to go on a double-date. She brought her boyfriend and I accompanied my husband. Well, thanks to The Master, both my best friend and I have been advised that our ability for picking out films has been revoked. Neither she nor I, could argue with the boys. The Master is the worst major motion picture I’ve seen since Battlefield Earth. I’m beginning to think that any film related to Scientology in any way is bound to be dreadful. That said, I’m hoping that the ban is lifted on the 2001 movie The Profit which parodies the religion. Scientology threw a tantrum and stomped on the first amendment to get
the movie censored throughout the United States. The reviews for the film are mostly positive and those who have seen it enjoy it immensely. There is one other movie that loosely incorporates Scientology. It’s a low-budget gem called The Screaming. The Screaming is 10,000 times the film The Master is.
The Master opens with Freddie (Joaquin Phoenix) suffering from Shell Shock and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He is an alcoholic who mixes his own liquor with dangerous chemicals like paint thinner. The combination of the three makes Freddie a very unlikable character. Freddie’s mere existence is one of the major issues with the movie. There is no protagonist. If portrayed differently, Freddie may have been able to illicit some sort of sympathy but instead he comes across as an over-sexualized sociopath who feels no guilt or remorse over his past deeds. Instead he feels self-pity for a love long lost. Making matters worse was that the focus of his affection was a sophomore in high school.
By sheer coincidence Freddie finds his way onto the ship of Lancaster Dodd (Phillip Seymour Hoffman). On the boat, Dodd’s daughter is getting married. Freddy is invited to stay aboard. It is here that we learn about the religion which is introduced in a fashion that reminded me of Scientology for Dummies. The very basics and only the very basics were broken down, over explained, and left unanalyzed and barely critiqued.
Only once in the film is there a direct confrontation about the religion. During a party, Dodd is leading a woman to discuss a past life when an attendee John More (Christopher Evan Welch) questions Dodd’s scientific reasoning. He criticizes the fact that Dodd advised his readers that he could cure leukemia. The exchange is a heated one and both Welch and Hoffman do a spectacular job keeping the attention of the viewer. Sadly, this is the only good scene in the movie.
As someone, who appreciates Phoenix, Hoffman and Amy Adams, it pains me to say that not one stood out. The characters were dull and the delivery throughout the movie felt forced as dialogue was said and actions were done which made little to no sense in context.
The film has a pretentious tone. It’s easy to see that the creators believed themselves to be making an intellectual masterpiece but instead the audience was given a jumbled mess attempting to stand out for being bold when in fact the tactics used were cheap and ineffective.
In one scene, Peggy (Amy Adams) reads to Freddie in effort to cure him. The dialogue is pornographic in nature. As someone who has seen her share of adult films, I hadn’t any issue with the rough dialogue other than its purpose. It was a cheap attempt to stand out as artistic and daring when it’s clear that more thought was put into dialogue in a porn movie. If the exercise shown was plot-oriented and used as a mechanism to relay a part of the story, I would forgive the sloppiness of the writing. It simply wasn’t. There were tie-ins as Freddie’s desire to get laid was often referred to and shown, but there was no significance to any of it. The entire movie was insignificant.
The movie meant to show a bonding of sorts between the two main characters. Freddie and Dodd were shown to share this adoration for one another, but the relationship didn’t develop at all. It was just there. Part of this is explained as Dodd believes he knew Freddie in a past life and in this life was putting effort in to curing him. Still, at the end and toward an eventual and inescapable goodbye between the two, the scene is shot in a way that the director anticipated it would stir emotion. It fails miserably. I love movies which examines male comradeship. I am a sentimental sap who gladly falls into those types of storylines. I still tear up when I think of the final episode of Frasier where Niles says to his brother, “I’m going to miss the coffees.” I can’t watch it because it just makes me so sad. Even in Righteous Kill where Al Pacino and Robert De Niro need to sever their ties as one is a murderer, I grew sad. Kevin Spacey and Samuel L. Jackson in The Negotiator is another great example of two male stars connecting in a way that by the end of the film the viewers are enamored and captivated with the friendship. Here from beginning to end, there was nothing. Through devastation and tragedy, Sleepers was able to connect the male characters in a way unparalleled.
For starters, both characters were very unlikable. They were cold, distant and mean. Secondly, there were never any stakes in the movie. Dramas like every other type of movie needs something that the viewers can invest in. In 12 Angry Men, the audience is invested in justice and what is right. In Citizen Kane the internal downfall of such a success is brilliantly done in a manner which keeps everyone interested. Whether it’s the familial connections within The Godfather or the questions surrounding the sanity of Chuck Barris (Sam Rockwell) in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, dramas can make for some of the most profound and entertaining films ever put forth.
The premise of The Master sounded so promising and I can’t recall a time I’ve been this disappointed in the movie. I went to a 1:30 showing and there was about 10 other couples in the movie. Most were over 50 and 60 years old. There were three young guys sitting a few seats down from our group. Outside the theater after the movie was done, everyone discussed how bad the movie was. It’s the first time I have ever gone to a movie where everyone who viewed it was completely disgusted with the film.
While I was walking to the car, I said aloud, “I can’t believe how much that sucked!” This woman who had to be in her late 60s lifted her arms off her walker and said, “Here, here. That was horrible!” The gentleman she was with smiled at me and nodded in agreement.
An hour and forty-five minutes in, I had stepped outside to turn my phone on and see what time it was. I then checked on IMDB to see how long the film was. I typically love longer movies. When they’re done well, I don’t want them to end. Gone with the Wind is one of my all-time favorites. Still, I was horrified to see that The Master was 2 hours and 17 minutes. I just wanted it to end.
Why this is generating Oscar buzz is beyond me. Though I think the actors in this film are typically A+ actors, there wasn’t a single performance in the production worthy of anything other than embarrassment.
Scared Stiff Rating 0/10
